When I say I have a headache (my version)...... #migraine

When I say I have a headache, I don't mean an annoying pain in my forehead.

When I say I have a headache, I mean I have more pain in my head than I can tolerate.

Sometimes it makes me sick to my stomach.
It makes loud footsteps sound like jackhammers.  And forget about what actual jackhammers sound like.

Sometimes it makes me sensitive to light.
So I might wear sunglasses, even if it is cloudy out, because the amount of light that is there, is just too much to bear.

Sometimes it makes me tired.
Not just tired after a long day at work, but I can't keep my eyes open tired and I have to do things to force them to stay open.

Sometimes it makes me cranky and unenthusiastic.
It isn't just the pain that does it, but the fact that I can't enjoy doing things I like to do or spending time with people I like to hang out with.

Sometimes it messes with my sense of smell.
Strong smells set off my stomach.  And I constantly think I am smelling cigarettes, even when there are none nearby.

Sometimes I don't understand when others say they have a headache and do things I can't do when I have one.
Headaches for me mean no desire to watch TV, read, or play on a computer/tablet/phone because it makes the pain worse.  And I don't understand how others with headaches can still do those things.  Why can't I?

Sometimes I have to eat.
I fight back the sick to my stomach feeling and eat, especially crunchy things to alleviate the pain.  And yes, I do sometimes eat stuff that others consider disgusting.

Sometimes it is hard to communicate.
My words get mixed up.  I type, but switch my letters around.  It takes me awhile to say what I want to say.

I have learned my triggers (chocolate too late at night) and behaviors (staying up too late on a Friday night expecting to sleep in on Saturday morning, which never happens).  But even dealing with those aren't guaranteed to prevent a headache.

When I say I have a headache, I've already taken the maximum amount of painkillers for my head and I am counting down when I can take more.

When I say I have a headache, I would like nothing more than to go back to bed and sleep with an ice pack where ever it hurts.  But I can't, because I usually have something else to do.

And the best part of a headache, is the point in time when I am released from pain, I feel exhaustion from fighting the pain all day, and then I go to bed and hope I wake the next day without a repeat of that day's experience.

When I say I have a headache I'm not exaggerating.  I'm not trying to get out of doing something.  And I'm not looking for sympathy.

I am just letting you know I am not at 100%, and I want you to know I am trying, but it is harder than usual.

It's a TRAILER not a TEASER #trailer #teaser #randomthoughts

When one thinks of a "teaser" for a movie, you think of something that is short...makes you crave more...and doesn't last very long.

So here's the Thor: Ragnarok Teaser Trailer...at almost 2 minutes long.





Now here's the Star Wars: The Last Jedi Teaser Trailer....just over 2 minutes long.





So Tuesday evening I went to see the latest Transformer movie (in 3D Imax) and during the usual trailers, there was a series of 3 ACTUAL TEASERS for the movie Dunkirk.  Below is an example of just what we saw in the theater:


 

Short, right?

A teaser, right?

Anything that is longer than a minute should NOT ever be called a "Teaser" - because it's not.  It is a TRAILER.

A teaser is short, to the point, and makes you crave more information that you look it up.

Stop calling a trailer a "teaser" - otherwise everything should just be considered a teaser and there is no such thing as a trailer.

The Capstone Journey #gradschool #lessonslearned #Classof2017

So, at the point when I am starting this, I am halfway through my last class - Capstone.  When I publish this, I will have completed the course - so that you get a sense of what my last 8 weeks have been like.

No one really prepares you for this.


Your class opens a week or so before the official start of the class.  You have the opportunity to review the syllabus.  Because by the 3rd day of class you have to have selected a group to work with for the 8 weeks and to have posted your introduction.

If you don't find a group to work with, you get randomly assigned to a group.  Or put with people who haven't already committed to be in a group within the roster alphabetically.

You have to meet up with them very fast because before long, you have to submit who each week's group leaders are (everyone gets the opportunity to lead) and sign up for a time to meet the professor.

There is one assignment that is due within the first week of class.  That is the only assignment you do on your own (unless you plan to do the extra credit at the end of the class).

Everything else is with your group.

Due to the rapid pace and numerous items of things due, you spend more time with you group members than you do with your own family - or so it seems.  It isn't uncommon to have a meeting with them 4 out of 7 days in the week.

Just as you finish one major assignment, the next is due.

Forget about much of a social life.

My teammates and I all had full-time jobs.  Luckily most days we kept about the same work hours, so we had the same availability after work.  But I found myself cutting out some of the things I do for myself, like attending Bible Study, so that our group could meet earlier and not spent all night working or reviewing assignments.

Sometimes I skipped special church services to prepare for presentations.

Some assignments we had to repeat completing multiple times because of how we interpreted the instructions based on what was expected.

Grading rubrics were helpful guides to know what we needed.

Sometimes team meetings came when I would usually be watching my niece.  My awesome teammates (Patrick and Emily) were great about allowing my niece to hang out with me while we met.  Usually she just lay down next to me playing on the family tablet.  She became an honorary member of our team.  And she liked to wave and say good night to them when it was her bedtime.

Every time there is a paper due, the next day a presentation on the material is expected.  If it is the Easter holiday weekend and your paper is due on Good Friday, you have a presentation the Saturday before Easter.  Even if it's not on the syllabus, the final campaign includes a presentation.  The first presentations are less formal than the last one so you can obtain feedback on your paper before moving on to the next one.  Sometimes there are conflicts with scheduled presentation days and you find you want to do them earlier than later just to get them done.

When the 8 weeks are done, you feel a huge sense of relief.  You made it!  But, then there is also a sense of sadness.  Because it is done.  And, I enjoyed working with my team, so not talking to them on a regular basis felt strange.  And a sense of fear - because you are waiting for final grades.  That last campaign grade.  The class grade.

When you see 100% completed and a great GPA for all your classes, you breathe a sigh of relief.

It's over.

It's done.

It's finished.

You survived.

You passed.

Enjoy graduation.

Then think about what's next.

A story I need to share

A long time ago and not in a galaxy far, far away I was engaged.  

As an overweight person with a conservative view on how things in a relationship should be and things that I will not do until I'm married, my options for men are extremely limited. Please do not try to tell me that there is someone for everyone.  The reality is, sure there might be someone for everyone, but I am not about to give up my independence just to have someone.

I don't know why I feel compelled to tell this story now.  Maybe it is because my social media feeds are filled with pictures and stories of couples going through life doing their thing.  Maybe it is because I have never really told anyone this side of the relationship and I feel like now is the right time.

Because I was overweight, conservative, and an introvert I wound up engaged to someone who, was nice, smart, and didn't hit me...but who was also the first person who showed an interest in me because he saw me for who I was....weight issues, shyness, and all.

I didn't want to wind up alone so I was in the relationship...I was planning to get married....

But then I changed my mind.

See, he was smart.  Very book smart.  And I like smart.  But I don't like smart at my expense.  If you're smart, great!  Don't make me feel stupid though while you spout off your knowledge.  I constantly felt like I was wrong.  Even about things that I knew a little something about...there was always something I was wrong about.

He also seemed to think that everything in my life he had to be privy to, but things in his life he didn't have to share with me.  Whenever I would check my email around him, he was right there reading over my shoulder.  He had to know everything I read or wrote in emails or anywhere else.  I have a feeling if I was into social media back then like I am now, he'd have to have access to all my accounts to see what I posted and what I saw in my feeds.  But when it came to him even checking his own email while I was in the room - forget it.  I would leave the room for a few minutes, he would be checking his email, and as soon as I stepped back into the room, he would close his email.  I even said it was okay if he had to check his email - but he said no.  So, he needed to make sure he knew what I was getting in my email because he didn't trust me?  Or he didn't trust me to know or be aware that he even had email?  Or both?

I suddenly became part of something where there was no longer any "me" because my "me" was absorbed into the "us."  He gave me a sense that because we were engaged and going to be married, that we had to completely be a part of each other's lives outside of something like work.  Because that's what married couples did.  They did everything in their social lives together.

But the reality is, yes there are times when couples (married, engaged, dating, living together, whatever together) do things together.  But there are times they do things apart.  They may share some of the same friends.  But there are other friends that are closer to one side of the partnership than the other.  They may share likes in movies, hobbies, and music but I am sure that there are times when there are differences in those tastes.

So I finally came to the realization that I didn't want to lose "me."  I didn't want to be alone either, but not losing myself was more important than being part of a couple.  So I ended the relationship.

It was brutally hard for me.  I know it was a lot harder for him.  And I don't want to diminish that.  I hope he was able to find someone who fit into the mold he expected in a relationship that I just couldn't deal with.

There are times I regret the decision.  Because I am alone.  And it seems like everyone else around me has someone.  And that just reminds me that I'm alone.

But then I remember that God must have a bigger plan for me.  A plan that requires me to be the way I am right now.  A plan that needed me to not lose myself in a relationship that would cause me to lose my individuality.

And maybe someday I will figure out what that is.

The Things that Happen Over Several Months

Has it really been over 8 months since my last update?

And I was supposed to be blogging more.


So...I think I need to do better at this.

So much has happened since my last blog post.
And so much has not happened.

I turned 40.
I remained single.
I'm almost done with school (again).
I learned how to knit in the round and how to use a circular needle for flat knitting.
I keep trying to get Feedburner to work.
A couple good friends went to Heaven.
I have been happy and sad and excited and nervous and awake and tired.

Stay for the Credits! #Marvel #Ghostbusters Thank you @paulfeig!

When my friends and I were in high school, every so often we would go to the local movie theater and see something we were interested in.  And typically we would sit through the credits, at least until the point where we saw the "Gaffer" or "Props" or whatever other term we were interested in seeing.  While most people left the theater, we stayed.  Except I think for the time a couple of us saw Titanic on New Years Eve and by the time we got out of the movie it was like 1am.

But, being someone who worked behind the scenes in theater, there are often a lot of people who support what is seen who never get much, if any credit.  In a movie, it is almost the same way.  Sure everyone knows who directors, producers, and even the soundtrack composer is.  But who knows who the 1st Assistant Director is, or the Gaffer, or the Key Grip, or any of those hundreds of positions that scroll by as a movie ends.

And people just get up and walk out of the movie because the acting is done.

So some movies try to entice people to stay for more than just the first credit bits.  They list the stars of the movie and the more well-known roles like Director, Executive Producers, etc.  Then they have a small scene that either is just a one off or gives hope for fans for another movie, and then the scroll quickly through the whole list of credits.

Marvel takes that a step further.  They have some sort of scene after the first set of credits.  And then there is another scene after all the credits are said and done.  It's a well-known fact that if it's a Marvel movie, then you need to stay through the credits or you will miss something.  I tweeted this after seeing Captain America: Civil War a few months ago....

 

Last weekend I went to see the new Ghostbusters movie.  And they did something with the end credits that I have found simply amazing.  Like I would go see the movie again just for the opportunity to sit through the credits again.

Now, some may think this will get into spoiler territory, and I'm sorry.  But I won't give details...if that will help.

There was a great dance sequence, that in reading the credits, I found was choreographed by Stephen "tWitch" Boss.  There was a kind of small end scene, which tied things together.  Then when most movies just scroll through the credits rather quickly, the rest of the credits were interactive with various scenes and things seen throughout the movie.  And, finally, after it was all said and done, there was another scene.

No boring credits.  No white text on a black background scrolling by with music.  A really well-through out, planned, and active set of credits.  I was really, and truly impressed.  I have never seen anything like it.

I know the team working on Ghostbusters had to deal with a lot of negativity as they worked on creating the film and they continue to deal with the same negativity.  But I hope they know, that at least in my mind....I was a doubter, then went to someone who was curious, and now I am hands down a fan of what I saw.

Stay for the credits.  You never know what you'll see.  And you can take a moment to appreciate all the people who work tirelessly to bring a movie to life.

My NYCC16 Ticket-buying Experience...Results may vary.... #nycc

So on Wednesday I attempted, yet again, to purchase tickets to New York Comic Con (NYCC).

This is after a horrific ticket-buying experience last year (which I will get to) and after I declared after attending 2 days last year, I would not go back (because after 2 days of having to go the long way around to get to the end of the line at the actual event, I was tired of having to walk out of my way to only walk back the same way - just let me walk around the building on the other side - it would be easier!).

What happened since last October to make me change my mind?

NYCC announced Carrie Fisher would be there this year.  Yes, CARRIE FISHER.  So, yeah, the inner Star Wars fan in me said I had to get to NYCC this year.

NYCC tried something this year with ticket purchases.  It left a lot of questions, especially as the process went on.  But I think it was genuinely a great way to make sure tickets got in the hands of fans and those that went into the hands of scalpers were not honored.

First was Fan Verification.  For about a month, there was a web page open for what they were calling Fan Verification.  Literally, it was a 5 minute process that asked you to fill out your name, email address (most important), your age range, what you were most excited about on the show floor, and what show features (from a drop down menu I think) you were most looking forward to. 

NYCC had a campaign on their Facebook page with short videos answering some of the basic questions about the Fan Verification process, especially because it was something very new this year.  They posted reminders about the due date/time, and even on the last day Fan Verification was open, they posted several reminders about the approaching deadline.

But people still missed it.  And complained when they did.

So, NYCC opened the Fan Verification period for another 24 hour period.  For those people who missed the month-long reminders, emails, and other notices from NYCC.

And people still missed it.  And complained when they did.  And when they did things wrong, even though NYCC was very clear about what was expected, who needed an email address, etc.

Next was ticket purchasing, that came through a special link which was tied to your Fan Verification.

Last year was a nightmare with buying tickets.  I tried to go back in my Twitter feed to see what I was saying during the process, but my history didn't go back that far.  But I remember clicking on the ticket purchase link and waiting for a very long time before getting through the queue.  This involved being on a queue page, then a new page loading only to say "page cannot be found" followed by the queue page again.  Then, I got to the ticket buying page, chose a ticket, only to then be met with the "page cannot be found" message again.  Luckily the ticket I chose stayed in my basket and I wound up with a 4-day pass.  Others were not so lucky.

This year, I was again in a queue page.  But the page seemed very static and like it would never move to the ticket purchase page.  NYCC was very interactive on their Twitter feed, assuring fans that people were moving through the queue and purchasing tickets.  Finally after a half hour of waiting, I was able to purchase my ticket very quickly (within 5 minutes) and no "page cannot be found" messages.

Though I was initially annoyed because I clicked on the link right when I was supposed to and it didn't make sense that I was queued already....and I never got an answer to the following question:



....I was pretty happy with my overall experience.  And I have a 4-day ticket.


The next day was the last step in the process, where I had to then go to the site where I had filled out my Fan Verification and assign my email address to my ticket.  Easy, simple, took 3 minutes.


Now, fans are still upset.  They purchased multiple tickets even though not everyone they purchased tickets for were fan verified (which NYCC made clear they would have to be fan verified even if they didn't actually purchase the tickets themselves).  They purchased tickets from third party sources, which in the end won't be valid.  They had no idea there was a  Fan Verification process in place.

NYCC's response to one of many tweets about the Fan Verification process and my quoted retweet; Blacked out the identity of another person on Twitter

Honestly, if people do not want to subscribe and read the emails from NYCC, or follow them on Facebook and make sure they are getting notifications of new posts, or they are not following them on Twitter or any other social media and checking in on their last posts, then I don't know what to tell you.  I felt very informed of the process and the staff at NYCC seemed very willing to answer questions as the Fan Verification process continued.

I am not saying everything was perfect.  And not everyone who really, really, really wanted to go was able to get tickets. And I feel bad for them.  I really do.  Because I know if I was one of them, I would feel terrible.

There are still several flaws:
1) For all the tickets purchased and then being sold on places like StubHub and eBay, which will not have a proper email address attached to them - they will essentially be cancelled after mid-July.  What happens to those tickets?  There does not seem to be an answer for that, yet.

2) The queue page was too static.  Though NYCC social media repeated people were getting through the queue, it was hard to tell when you were just sitting on a text-filled page with no activity on it.  I sent them an email suggesting maybe a slideshow of pictures from the previous year's event or maybe short video clips.  Something to keep the page active so people know the page is alive.

3) There was no response from ShowClix when I associated my email address with my ticket.  I read responses from fans who went through the association process and ShowClix kept unassociating their email address from their ticket.  It would've been more helpful if there was an email confirmation sent by ShowClix saying you updated your information or something - that way if there is a problem later, you can show proof saying, "Hey, I did this!  Why didn't it take?"


However, I do have to say that the NYCC staff, particularly those handling the social media, have been nothing but patient and kind.  They must have read Likeable Social Media by Dave Kerpen.  (A great and sensible read about companies and social media.)  I am sure there are times they have felt frustrating answering the same questions over and over, and they are likely reading more negative comments than all the positive ones.  They are doing great - and I hope I get to see some of them in October as I attempt to meet Carrie Fisher, Graham McTavish, and others who have yet to be announced.