Wednesday's Writing - Crystal

Sometimes when you have a pastor and they are married, you get to know their spouse in some way. Sometimes not. Sometimes you get to know them better than others. Sometimes not. In my time in the Methodist church, I've experienced pastors with spouses in a variety of ways. A couple times I got to know the spouses pretty well. This was one of those times.

Crystal & I (6/27/23)

Crystal is Pastor Jody's wife. And, because of how strangely my time at PUMC began, in the midst of COVID, it actually took a bit before I figured out who Crystal was. In the early days of live streaming service, she was there, running the computer so it wasn't Pastor Jody, by himself, running things.

But what I remember most about my real first encounter with Crystal, was how welcomed she made me feel as part of a church family.

Christmas Eve 2020 was not the service type everyone hoped for, of course. (Nor was Christmas Eve 2021 for that matter.) We had three services at church that day. The first was a morning service outside, so people could gather. The last was a 10pm service, again where people could gather outside. But the middle service was a 6pm service that was strictly online. The only people in the building for the service were Pastor Jody, Crystal, our organist Stephen, and two of us to provide singing support - Sue and myself. 

After the service, it was almost like no one wanted to leave right away so everyone was kind of standing in front of the Communion Table talking. I was off to one side, kind of listening and kind of trying to decide if I should just say "Merry Christmas" to everyone and leave. Then Crystal invited me to come closer and join the discussion.

At this point in my life in the church I had just started to get involved in some things. But I wasn't really entrenched like I am now. So it meant a lot to me that she asked me to be part of the discussion among people who had already known each other for over a year.

Since then, it seems like whenever Crystal was around, we wound up finding our way to each other to at least say "Hi" and to see how the other was doing. We seem to have the same type of personality, which may be why we got along so well.

I did also get to work with Crystal in a ministry capacity, as for the past 6 months she was co-chair of our Worship committee, which I am a member of. While it didn't mean a lot of meetings, it did mean getting together sometimes to make the church look nice, especially for Advent and Christmas and then taking it all apart once the season was done.

Sometimes, which is unfortunate, when a pastor has a spouse, they just become known as "the pastor's wife/husband" and that's it. Pastor Jody talked sometimes about how sometimes he is never seen as "Jody" just as a pastor, when he is is own person. And sometimes I feel pastor's spouses can fall into that category too.

But not Crystal. She established herself not just as part of the pastor's family but someone who supported various ministries in the church. And she didn't do that because she was asked to by the pastor or because she felt it was her "job" - but because they truly meant something to her and she wanted those ministries to succeed. She made others feel welcome in a congregation. PUMC is one of the larger congregations that I have been a part of. And she made everyone feel like they were an important member of the congregation. Not just someone who was part of a huge group. But that they were an individual and part of an intimate group.

For someone who always struggled to feel like they belong, Crystal made me feel welcome. And what I think is even more impactful is that I learned from her how to make others feel welcome. And what is truly important in this world. And how to just in general be a better person.

I am so glad that even though it was for a short amount of time, that Crystal was such an important person in my life. As I continue to be thankful for Pastor Jody I am also so thankful for what Crystal has meant to me. I am so glad that God placed her in my life.

Monday Musing - Pastor Jody

Sometimes a single Facebook post can't cover everything you want to say. In fact, a lot of times it can't. Unless you want to go on and on and at some point because it is a Facebook post as opposed to linking to someplace else, a reader probably tunes out. So, I have more to say than I said in a Facebook post I made yesterday about Pastor Jody and here it is - linked somewhere else that makes more sense for me to ramble on and on (and on).

There are others at PUMC who have had more time and interaction with Pastor Jody than I did. Some have had less. But this is just my story.

Pastor Jody & I on 6/2/2023

I first officially met Pastor Jody in June, 2019 at a Lay Servant Committee breakfast during Annual Conference. I knew he was being appointed to PUMC and that our church in Wappingers had started the process to approach PUMC about merging with them. I didn't say anything to him about the merger, mostly because I was still quite shy about things. And because it was my first Lay Servant Committee meeting ever.

I encountered Pastor Jody a few times after that at merger committee meetings. Then at Ash Wednesday service in February 2020, just a few weeks before our churches were to merge.

Then COVID hit and everything went haywire. The merger was postponed. But Pastor Jody kept being him and created a great online worship experience.

Still not really knowing him well, during the first couple weeks of COVID I reached out by email and asked a "BIG ASK." When COVID was happening, Anastasia was having a birthday and while she kind of understood why she couldn't have a big celebration, I know it bummed her out because she couldn't see her friends or anything - not only because people weren't getting together but because no place was open to get together at. So I asked if Pastor Jody would send her a birthday message. What I got was a great birthday video that showed his personality, whether you knew him for a day or 3 years. I was beyond grateful for that.

I'm not going to rehash everything at this point. But in July 2020 we were able to finally complete the merger process. And I think I probably gave Pastor Jody an example of the crazy type of person I was when he asked me before the first part of the service if I happened to have a Sharpie. Which, of course, I did. (And, by the way, I still make sure I always have a Sharpie somewhere on me when I'm doing church things because, hey, you never know!)

Pastor Jody taught me so much over the last three years. I learned how to be a better preacher and a better leader. I learned to be more comfortable with preaching to a camera. Because there were a few times early on when it was literally preaching to a camera with a music person or two behind me and a tech person or two in front of me. That was not really a forte of mine. But I got better at it. I also had to become more comfortable preaching and speaking to a large group of people because, well, PUMC was a much larger congregation than Wappingers was. 

I became a much more confident person, mostly, because of his leadership and example. And he became someone I could talk to about things that I struggled with. I learned that I wasn't always so crazy with my personal tendency to relate my sermons to pop culture - because he did too from time to time. 

There were moments in my leadership where I questioned myself. And I was able to talk things out with Pastor Jody. He is someone who I felt comfortable being myself with, even when that meant I was an emotional disaster area, knowing he wouldn't judge me for that but instead would provide prayer and guidance which always helped.

Pastors in the Methodist church are with us for however long they are appointed to be with us. And it is always a sad time when one leaves, especially when they make such a mark on your life. Kind of like how you get used to one Doctor on Doctor Who and then they regenerate into another person. (Which Pastor Jody would appreciate the similarity.) But I just wanted to take a moment to reflect on this particular pastor who helped me during a very hard time of merger and who made such an impact on my life.

I know going forward what God has in store for Pastor Jody and his family will be nothing short of being immensely blessed. And I know going forward what God has in store for myself and for PUMC will also be immensely blessed.

Though it was short, and I wished it would have been a little longer, I thank God for the time I have had learning all I have from Pastor Jody and his family. And I could not have asked for a better pastor to help us through a merger, to help me be a more confident and comfortable preacher and leader, and most especially to be an even stronger Child of God.

Thank you Pastor Jody.

Wednesday's Writing - Quiet Time

It's kind of this funny thing I have with Anastasia. When I bring her to Long Dock Park for a sunset, or most of a sunset, we spend time first by the water. Which she loves because she collects rocks, and shells, and sometimes sea glass when she can find it. But while I sit on a rock or sturdy part of a tree and watch her, she always says, "I love to sit by the water to watch it." Which is what I say all the time. But I laugh when she says it because she never sits by the water to watch it.

I learned recently it is easy to sit by the water and watch it when you are alone. You are left to your own thoughts and can sit as long as you want while watching the water either be still or move. You don't have to worry about holding anyone else up - but yourself. Water washes on the shore and back out again. You experience waves from boats and things on the river. Or even the wind. 

The water on 6/19/2023

But sometimes when you are with someone else, it can be a little more awkward to experience that same sense of peace and time on your own. The water is still the same. The thoughts are probably still the same. However, for me, there is a sense that I do have my own time table for things. But don't want to inconvenience the other person. Even though they are just as willing to just sit and watch the water too.

Quiet time is quiet time no matter where it is or who it is with. And it is actually really nice when you know someone who is a bit like you who actually does like to sit by the water and watch it...quietly. Even if you feel that it is awkward just sitting in the quiet. I am learning that time with people does not always have to be filled with words. Sometimes just the natural sounds are enough.

Monday Musings - I Really Missed Annual Conference

For the first time in 14 years, I did not attend Annual Conference.

Annual Conference attendance for me started as an overnight trip to attend an afternoon laity workshop followed the next day by a morning session for laity and then ordination.  I found I really enjoyed the atmosphere and worship, and learned from the delegates and pastor of my church that you could indeed attend Annual Conference as a guest - you just don't get to vote on things.

A post from my first trek to Annual Conference

So that was my plan - to attend the next year as a guest. Little did I know that would never happen for me. I wound up attending as a reserve delegate for my church (Wappingers), then the nominated delegate, then later as a delegate for our district, New York-Connecticut.

I've stayed in hotels with others. I've stayed in the dorms at Hofstra. I've traveled with others from my church, with my mom, with friends from other churches, and alone. I've taken time off of work to pack ahead of time and recover from the time away and the drive. And I've even hung out in a lounge area at work to participate in Virtual Annual Conference during the COVID years.

But this year, I opted to miss Annual Conference. There was just a lot going on at home and I was afraid that being so far away from both my parents with their things going on would cause me to be distracted and not be able to be as focused as I should be on the business-side of things at Annual Conference, and certainly would not be able to enjoy the other parts, like worship services or fellowship.

I did find, however, that I was missing Annual Conference. Maybe not all the tedious stuff, like financials, which are important but sometimes discussions go a bit above my head. Or when things get started late or people run over their time. But I missed seeing all the people I know. I missed the people from the district who I sometimes see on Zoom and even in-person from time to time. I miss the people from across the conference who I have gotten to know from various committees or if they spent time on district committees that I'm on while they were appointed here. I missed former pastors of my previous church or pastors that I worked with in different capacities. I missed laity who were in classes I either was a participant in or led.  I missed the connection - I missed being able to see them in person once again.

It kind of made me a little sad. But a wise friend told me I have a lot on my plate. And that got me thinking that, yeah, I did. And not going freed me up to assist in worship service this past Sunday. It also gave me the opportunity to be part of an Interfaith Choir, which sang yesterday. To meet new people. To gain new skills (playing hand bells) which also allowed me to spend time with some people in church I don't get to spend a lot of time with usually. And to be part of something really great yesterday.

For those who I missed at Annual Conference who may read this, know that I did miss seeing all of you. And I certainly kept all of you in my prayers along with my own congregation's and district's delegates. And hopefully I will be back next year, as a guest, so that we can reconnect once again.