Merging is an Ongoing Journey - Charge Conference Can Be Fun!

I used to dread Charge Conference at church.  There were parts that seemed to go fine.  But there were always parts where I worried about an argument or people getting mad or something like that.

However the past two years I have thoroughly enjoyed Charge Conference.  To the point where I think that, though there is a lot of business that needs to be taken care of during them, there is also a lot of fun and laughter in them!

Cover from our Charge Conference Booklet

One of the things I wanted to share, that I didn't yesterday, is to this point.  These typically once-a-year gatherings are necessary to cover a lot of what needs to be done in a Methodist church.  There are serious times, like when we are voting on things or discussing things.  But they can all come with a bit of levity as well.

And I think in this time, that is what is needed.  We have spent so much time being serious and stressed and trudging our way through the pandemic.  No, COVID-19 isn't gone.  But our churches also need to know we need to find our way forward, and that now means stepping out of comfort zones or finding ways out of the typical boxes we put ourselves in.

And, yes, sometimes that means laughing during a meeting that usually isn't filled with laughter.  Or wasn't filled with laughter in your personal experiences.

This year for me there was laughter, sharing, seriousness, and even crying (FOR JOY!).

And that was what we needed in 2021 I think.  To give light and a path to 2022 and what lies ahead!

Thursday Thoughts - Not What it was Meant For

When I was very (VERY) young, one of my favorite toys for whatever reason was an empty bottle of baby powder.  ZBT Baby Powder to be exact.  (Search "vintage ZBT baby powder" if you are interested.)  I can literally remember what it looked like and everything.  I always liked the smell of baby powder, so maybe that is why it was my favorite toy.

I loved it as a toy, but that was not what it was meant for.  It should have been thrown away when it was empty, but I got it as a toy.  At least for awhile.  (Eventually it did get thrown away.)

Anastasia does the same thing with a lot of her toys.  They have a specific purpose but then she adjusts their purpose from time to time.  Like when we used Shopkins for playing pieces in Chutes and Ladders, Candy Land, or any other games she had.  Or mix and matching food toy sets with each other to have a wider variety she could offer at her "restaurant."

Sparkle and her "toy."

And then there's Sparkle.

As you can see, Sparkle is holding something yellow in her mouth.  It is her new favorite toy that she brings to me in the doorway, drops it very loudly and expects me to throw it to her in the yard.

It is a water/food bowl.

Sparkle has this habit of needing water when she is outside.  And when it started to get colder last year, while I knew for a time the water would freeze overnight and melt during the day, I was concerned with her using a metal bowl so I switched to a plastic bowl.

Let me rephrase.  I tried to switch to a plastic bowl.

Upon seeing the plastic bowl, she drank a little water out of the bowl and then promptly put her paw in the bowl, tipped it upside down spilling all the water, and then running around the yard with a bowl in her mouth.

Try as I might, I could not get her to drink water normally out of the bowl.  She will drink rain water out of them before playing with plastic bowls.  But, for whatever reason, she associates a metal bowl with water for outside and plastic bowls outside are toys.  Note, she does have plastic bowls for her food and water in the house and aside from shoving them around the floor when they are empty and she wants more, she doesn't treat them as toys.

The plastic water bowls outside are being used in a way that is not what they were meant for.

But it certainly makes me laugh.  A lot!

Merging is an Ongoing Journey - What I was Inspired to Do

A little over a year ago, as I've already talked about, I started to get involved in things at church more and my love for music returned.

About a month ago I shared something on Facebook about a Music Ministry Certification program through BeADisciple.com.  It is a year-long program with 3 church music informational (not learning instruments) courses and then a practicum.  This program really called to me.

The first texts for the course on Psalms

And I am happy to say that I signed up for the first course, which begins in mid-January, 2022.

I am not sure I would have ever taken this step had so many things happen over the course of the last year or so.  I am very excited about what I will be learning.  And no, it's not another degree!!!  (haha!)  It's just a certificate in something that I hope will only expand my love and appreciation for music, not just as something to hear or sing but also something to really understand between the theology and meaning and history of some of the music I sing.

This is a short one today.  But I'm glad to be able to share it!

Thursday Thoughts - I guess I am....

 ....losing weight that is.

Results from FeelFit, an app connected with a Bluetooth scale I have

Now, granted that screenshot is a loss in weight over the past 3 years.  When I first got the scale, I started out very regularly checking my weight every morning.  Then the batteries on the scale died so I stopped for awhile.  Then I picked it back up again.  The batteries died again and just last night and this morning I picked it up yet again.

Part of the reason is because I've had a few people over the past couple weeks ask if I had been losing weight.  And I was curious to see if I actually had.  And, while I didn't lose an awful lot since the last time I was regularly weighing myself, I have lost a bit of weight from when I started and have kept it off for the most part.

As you can see, from the point I started a few years ago, I am down 25 pounds.   So, that's a good thing.  It's hard to tell if I have lost some weight more recently.  But, I'm happy that I have kept off some if not most of the weight I lost years ago.

But I have noticed that while there are times when I get very hungry...I am not eating as much as I used to.  Not like I'm starving myself or anything.  When I would go to certain places I would order specific things, and at times it was like a lot of food.  But I am finding now that the amount of food I used to order is too much and I can't finish!  So, that is one way of figuring it out.

Another way seems to be how I look in pictures of myself.  I still have a love/hate relationship with pictures of myself.  But I am getting better about them.  And I have noticed a bit of a difference in the pictures, that compared to several years ago I do look like I have lost weight.  Now, it could have been a difference in the angle or whether I am by myself or with others.  Whatever the reason, I think I see a difference in how I look.  And that's a good thing.

It's not a good thing because I want people to like me for being thinner than I am.  Or because I think that is what people want me to be like.  But because I know it's probably healthier for me in the long run.

So I'll keep doing what I'm doing.  Which, at this point, I'm not really sure what it is.  Whatever it is, it seems to be working for me.  And I guess that's what matters.

Merging is an Ongoing Journey - I'm In It Now!

You know how sometimes when you start something, there is always something that you can see as a back door, a way out?

But then there are some things that just solidify your place somewhere?

Me in my new choir robe (10/28/2021)

Trying on and being assigned a choir robe is a solidifying factor that I am in the PUMC Choir.

Not that I was planning to leave or anything!  Because I have found my place in the choir.  I love everything about choir once again.

But, being assigned a robe when we haven't been wearing robes since I started singing kind of says, "You're in it now Jenn!"

Church is my happy place.  Most times if I go into church for something, a book group, a meeting, singing, or some other reason, if I'm feeling poorly I leave feeling better.  Not just uplifted but physically better.  Music is my special happy place and no matter how I am feeling, once I start singing, things change.

Sometimes people may view being totally committed to something a negative thing or something to be afraid of.  But I look my commitment in the eye and I say "I'm glad I'm in it now!"

And, What's Next?

Thursday Thoughts - Things I Still Hear

Earlier this week in my "Merging is an Ongoing Journey" series I wrote about thoughts and memories that still hit me hard when it comes to my life at Wappingers.

That also got me thinking of things that still hit me in my personal life.  And what came to my mind was stuff so much that happened to me in general but the things I still hear that get to me.  And sometimes when some of that comes back to me, I have to get out and find something that helps me appreciate the present moment.  Like the below picture.

Taken 10/28/2021 at Marist

I still hear how Anastasia would cry at me when I told her she shouldn't do something she was doing (and when I'd tell her parents, they would agree with me!).

I still hear how someone who I thought was a friend blew up at me when I got mad at him for the attitude he gave me after doing something I thought was helpful.

I hear the sound of people's voices that were close to me who are no longer with us...my Uncle Lee's ever present question, "What are you doing at church?" (wouldn't he be so proud of me now??).  My friend Margaret's laugh. Fluffy, and JL, and Harmi's barks.  My grandparent's conversations with me.  

I hear my own voice yelling for Sparkle when she escaped her harness.

I hear my ex-fiance's way of saying I was wrong about something and then spouting off a whole history of stuff that would make me feel stupid and worthless (by the way, not in the way Sheldon would on "Big Bang Theory").

This last one I hear a lot.  Maybe it has something to do with the fact that was my actual last relationship.  And while I know I really am not stupid or worthless, some things just bring me back to his voice, how I felt, and make me think that's how I should expect to be treated?

It is interesting how some things really stick with me - not just visual memories or feeling memories but hearing memories.  And it's interesting how some great ones stay in addition to the not-so-great ones stay.  

But I know I just need to take it one day at a time, and maybe someday those bad hearing memories will fade away and I'll only still hear the ones that make me smile.

Merging is An Ongoing Journey - Things Still Hit Me

I want to start this one out by saying, this entry doesn't take away from the joy and love I feel as a now merged member of PUMC.  I am so happy I am where I am for a variety of reasons.

But sometimes, things hit me.

The other day my sister told me that the new owners of our church building had taken away all the playground equipment.  Yes, I know new owners are going to have their own vision and they absolutely have every right to do what they want.  I'm okay with that.  And, at first, I was okay with it.  It didn't really phase me.

Then on Friday I drove by the old church building and I saw the lack of playground equipment with my own eyes.  (Mostly because I was stuck where I could see it while waiting for someone to make a left-hand turn.)  And it started to make me sad.

Healing Service Altar 1/2013

I chose to use this image from many years ago because, even though things are still hitting me, I know that means healing is still going on.

There has always been some reminder of the presence of children at that place for as long as I have been there - and I'm sure for many (many) years before that.  But for whatever reason, there no longer being a playground really felt like it was erasing kids from the memory of that place.  It was erasing kids presence overall.

That may not be reality, but that is what was going on in my head Friday night as I drove by.  And it made me sad.

Things still hit me from time to time, even in the midst of all the love, joy, happiness, and peace I am feeling.  And I guess that will keep happening from time to time.  The object, is, I guess, is to yeah let it hit me.  But know I can move forward and not let it bring me down as I continue forward in my now not-so-new church home.  I may write about these things from time to time.  But hopefully less and less things will make me so sad and instead just bring back happy memories.  Like discovering the 2006 Palm Sunday cantata and hearing many familiar voices.  Or finding a phrase in an old report I had written that I could use in a current report I am writing.  And maybe I'll start sharing some of those memories, the ones that make me smile instead of cry.

But for now, I'll work on the healing from my Friday and go from there.