Merging is a New Journey - Sometimes, I feel.....

 "For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope."  -Jeremiah 29:11 (NRSV) 

 
When those of us left at Wappingers UMC started to really pray and seek God's guidance on the position we were in and what we should do, it was a very strange time.  I honestly can't speak about anyone else's thoughts, but I can speak of my own.

I was frustrated.  I was upset.  I was angry.  I was sad.  Not at anyone in particular, except myself.

Not that I am the be-all and end-all to anything (because I am far from it), but I felt as a leader within my own local congregation...not to mention also involved at the district and conference levels, I should have done better for my local congregation.  

So I become mad at myself.  I become angry at myself.  I become upset at myself.  Because, though I don't know what I could have done, I feel like maybe there was something I could have done.  I feel like a failure.

Please do not think I am seeking pity, because I am not.  I am slowly feeling like I am getting back into praising God the way I used to.  I am slowly getting back into the swing of being a church member and helping where I can.

But while I also sometimes feel frustrated, upset, angry, sad, and like a failure...I also feel invigorated, excited, joyful, happy, nervous, scared, and probably other emotions I can't think of right now.

It is a very strange position to be in...all these varied mixed feelings.

But this verse from Jeremiah has given me a new view.  Yes, I read it and consider it about myself and my own personal life.  But I also see it from the perspective as someone who has gone through a church merger.  Hope is an important thing to have when one is dealing with a merger.  There is hope that everyone is okay with the decision.  Hope that each part of the process goes well.  Hope that you can adjust.  Hope that you can find new life and purpose.  Hope for the future.

So I may continue to struggle with these feelings, as anyone would in the same position.  But each week my hope grows and gets renewed.

Starting a new thing (first online worship at PUMC, March 2020)