Thursday Thoughts - Why Am I so Nervous All The Time?

 That is a good question.

And one I don't have an answer for.  But maybe writing about it will help me through it.

Lately I have found that I am constantly nervous.  Like that feeling in your stomach when you are anxious, worried, scared, or excited about something.  It doesn't seem to be centered on any one thing, at least not all the time.  And no, I do not think it is COVID-related.

Like today, I was driving in to work and I felt it in the pit of my stomach.  Same thing happened yesterday.  Nothing nerve-wracking is going on at work and my job is my job so there really is nothing to be nervous about.

Okay, so Sunday should be a fun day (providing musical assistance in 2 church services, in person and live stream) and maybe I am just getting overly nervous ahead of time?

But what has become a problem for at least the last month is my new overnight habit.

I typically wake up at some point overnight to get a drink of water.  It used to be that I would wake up, drink some water, turn over, and fall right back to sleep.

But not now!  I wake up, get a drink of water, turn over, and stay awake with varying thoughts running through my head for at least an hour before I get to sleep.  One night this happened at 6am and by 6:30am I gave up and just got up to start my day.  Last night this happened to me twice in the night.

I really wish I could figure out what is going on in my head or my heart or wherever that is making me feel like this all the time.

I suppose, though, the alternative would be me in a constant state of crying which would be bad for so many reasons (more headaches, constantly feeling tired from it, and just in general not being a good thing).  Though I would get the look below from Sparkle who is starting to learn empathy when it comes to me being upset.  (She hasn't figured out migraine days yet.)

How Sparkle looks at me when I'm upset.

So there is this week's Thursday Thought.  

Please know these are my personal feelings and I am sorry if I am not living up to the perfect, problem-free, happy-to-look-like-me-and-being-alone person that I have been expected to be in the past.  I am human after all, striving to be better every day with God's help.