So on Wednesday I had a mental breakdown. It was no reason in particular. I didn't have anything specific due that day, I wasn't struggling to get a post done by the end of the day, I was caught up on my reading for the week, I didn't have anything else to do. But I sat in my room and cried for an hour and it's taken me almost two full days to get out of the depression I was in.
My question to myself was...did I make a mistake?
I was so excited to be starting this new program. I have learned a lot in the first four 1/2 weeks of class. I didn't realize that really, aspects of IMC are everywhere. In addition to my text book I am also reading a book The New Rules of Marketing and PR which has turned out to be very interesting and a fun read to get through.
But I feel like it is harder this time around. It shouldn't be because I'm used to the format and I know APA style, or at least I know more of it now than I did when I started my first program. Since I went through 2 years of grad school already I know what is expected. I know how to better plan my time and get everything completed that I need to complete. I know I can't procrastinate on stuff. And I am fine with all that.
But something inside me just broke and I questioned my decision. I questioned whether it was worth it. Did I make a mistake?
At that point on Wednesday I think everything that had been going on around me finally reached a point where I was tired of being the strong one and not complaining about anything that I needed to just let it all out.
So for a time I doubted myself. I doubted my abilities to return to school. I doubted my abilities as a student, a helpful person, a daughter, a hard worker, a church leader, and everything else that I am. I might go through this phase again. And the hope is that I come out stronger on the other side. But I have to keep in mind...that even when I think I made a mistake...if I just keep pushing through I will make out okay in the end.
