Thursday Thoughts - More Caring for Self

I've written about this before a bit, but a big thing that comes up a lot for people now in the time of COVID is self-care.  For awhile I felt like that was something that everyone else got to focus on and I continued to work, every day, in my room from 8:30am to about 1pm when I took lunch, and then again from 1:30pm until after my scheduled end time of 5pm.  If you asked me what my "self care" was at that time, I'd tell you it was being able to work with my dog next to me and not really having to drive to work.

Yes, having my dog with me was nice.  And dogs are quite therapeutic.  (Well, maybe not my crazy pup...) But that was not the self-care that I needed.

As the days lengthened and got warmer, after my work hours I would go out to walk my street just for something to do to turn off "work brain."  Soon I'd sometimes have company in the form of my niece so we would have nice little chats.

Then I learned, I liked hiking in places, after my first trek to the trails at Locust Grove.  I've been back a few times afterwards.

View from the trails at Locust Grove (11/2020)

 So, at church we have been challenged (in a way) to think about how we will improve ourselves...physically, emotionally, and spiritually as a way of stewardship.

And I have decided that in 2021 I am going to hike or walk more.  Probably not this weekend with the brutally cold temperatures predicted...but I'm hoping a few weekends a month to be able to get out one day and walk...somewhere.  Gotta find some spots though, not too tough and not involving rock scrambling, as Locust Grove is closed for the season.

Walking seems to have improved my physical health.  I still look like...well...me.  But I'm sure some of my weight loss has been because I am out walking more.  And I think I can handle walking more because I have been out hiking.

Walking also has helped me clear my mind.  I walk carefully, so as not to step wrong and sprain my ankle.  But it has allowed me to break away from things and look at everything else around me.

Walking has also helped me take in, see, and experience God's beauty in nature.  I often am taking pictures while walking in places that are not my usual walking spaces because there is just so much to see and look back on and remember the peace I felt.

I do other things to care for my self, or so I like to think.  Knitting and crocheting has definitely been part of that.  I have a smaller project to work a bit on during my lunch break (currently a crocheted scarf for who knows how).  It's easy to transport to and from work, and it is small enough that I can get a few rows done in a short amount of time.  I have my current larger blanket project, which is knitting.  It is long and I have to have a good set of time to work on it because it is so big.

I read smaller sets of Scripture more now.  I do have a few daily Bible readings, which I have always done.  But I am finding that I like to get individual Bible verses (by email or apps) and spend a few moments concentrating on that verse.

Of course, I can't forget my music.  Which involves my YouTube listening videos playlist while at work while doing projects, my iPod on my way to and from work or really anywhere else when I am in my car, and wanting to sing more.  So I am literally singing instrumentals (which is kind of funny) and challenging myself to learn the actual words to songs so I can improve my vocal range and knowledge.

During the week I am kind of busy, so it is important that, when I can, I make sure to take these steps to take care of my own self so that I can be at my best for my family, church, and work.

Merging is a New Journey - 9am Rehearsal? (Happy Memories Pt. 7)

What?  9am?  Are you kidding?  On a Saturday?

When Senior Choir did cantatas, we would practice during regular rehearsal.  Not usually everything because our rehearsals were only so long and we had other pieces to practice.  But, the Saturday before we were to do the cantata, we would meet in the sanctuary at the pleasant hour of 9am.

Taken 1/22/2021 - but around 9am

For many people, this was early.  Especially on a Saturday and after having worked all week.  Sometimes for me it was particularly rough because I worked the overnight before, so I either took a 2 hour nap and then arrived to practice or I just stayed up and went to sleep after practice.

But, for me, there were so many happy memories tied to these 9am Saturday morning rehearsals.

We had some directors who brought us Dunkin Donuts to have either before practice or as a break time snack.  At the time Dunkin still made their Butternut donuts around here, so I always picked that one.  At the time Dunkin was such a treat for me, so it made me happy to get the opportunity to eat one!

It was a great time being able to run through our music all at one time, usually without a break.

The seasonally confused person I am would always arrive in a t-shirt while everyone else wore sweaters and sweatshirts.

It was also fun bringing the risers out, when we used them, because it was really a team effort...and maybe an early example of team building.

We'd usually be in rehearsal for 2-3 hours and not only practice our songs but also practice getting on and off the risers because we were usually all sitting in different seats in the choir loft.  So that was kind of cool too - getting a different view of things.

Fast-forwarding to now, I've had to be somewhere at 7:45am and 8:00am to practice.  But, while others may complain, I see it as yet another opportunity to start my day in a worshipful mood and in the presence of God.

Thursday Thoughts - The Healing Power of Worship & Music

Healing comes in a variety of ways.  Sometimes it is a pain killer for a headache.  Or something less medicated, like peppermint oil.  When I smashed my head on the door the other day, Anastasia brought me an ice pack because cooling is good when something gets banged.  (Maybe I should bring ice packs with me to church for the times I get so excited I smash my leg into the pews.)

Last Thursday I was having a really rough day.  It was a long day between work and then helping my sister out by getting her to worship rehearsal at church.  I was just not in a good frame of mind.  And it was affecting other things.  While I would typically be hungry around 5pm, I wasn't.  My heart rate was up.  I could tell my blood pressure was up.  My head was pounding from stress and probably the high heart rate and blood pressure.

I drive my sister to church and find a place to sit in the empty sanctuary.

A place to heal myself

I take a moment to pray.

Then the rehearsal begins.  There is piano music.  There is singing.  There is more piano music.  There is more singing.  Even more piano music.  And more singing.  And then organ playing.  I even got a chance to sing for a bit to help out toward the end.

By the time the rehearsal was over, between listening, being in my own worshipful space, and even singing a bit...helped heal me from the entire day, the stress and pain.  So I left in a much better place than I arrived.

 I do know that just being in God's presence is a good thing and a healing thing.  But I do not think I have ever experienced it so fully as I did last Thursday.  Worship and Music is truly healing.  And, I will be honest, there are days where I feel like I need the same thing and I do not have the opportunity to experience it.  So now I am working to find new ways to be able to have the same healing power if I am not able to be in the church to experience it.

Merging is a New Journey - Tech Team (of more than 1!)

 It has been about 6 months since the merger was complete in the sense that we had our closing service at Wappingers and started being officially part of the PUMC church family, whether that meant attending worship in person or online or a combination of both (which I have done).

Before I wanted to be part of a small group...before I was asked to participate in Laity Sunday....before I was asked to sing during worship...before I volunteered to help however I could...before I was asked to light the Advent wreath...before I was asked to chair Church Council I was asked to help learn the live-streaming technology to help out on Sundays.

Because, for the previous two years I had handled the technical stuff (sound and presentation) with the assistance of my sister who says I would just point and tell her what to do (though I feel she did know more than that).  Before that I knew all the technical stuff and would cover when I had to.  So, during the closing service, that was my spot and role and that was noticed, I guess.

After a few weeks in prayer over it, because I really was still in my "I just want to sit back and do nothing but attend worship" phase and wasn't sure that I wanted to get involved so early, I decided to say "Yes" because I thought maybe it would be a good way to "get my feet wet."

A couple weeks ago I was asked if I would come to church to start learning this technology because in an effort to make our streaming better, there was a need for 2 people to run technology instead of just one.  So, now I am part of a team of about 7 people who alternate covering technology week after week.

You heard that right, 7!

1st Official Day Running Tech 1/17/2021

The technology is different from what I had been doing at Wappingers.  But it was great!  Being able to assist in this way, in a sense, is just as important as all the other parts of the service in this time of weekly live-streaming.  So, though I am doing all the other things that I am doing, I am glad that now I am doing this new(ish) thing that was one of the first things I was asked to do upon becoming part of the PUMC church family.

Thursday Thoughts - Random Observations from Jenn

So, thanks to my bestie Jess for this idea.  I sent her a text with something very random and funny and she thought I should collect a few of these things and blog about them.  So here is the first ever edition of Random Observations from Jenn.

This is nice, except if I eat it at night. (haha!)

1 - Brushing your hair with a mask on is not a good idea if you want to keep the mask on your face.

2 - It is important to breathe.

3 - Even at 44, you can do things like you did in high school, like nick names for people you want to talk about with your closest friends without everyone knowing who you are talking about.

4 - I seriously can't stand the commercials and emails that try to get you to buy your family members new tech.  If I bought my mom a fancy phone or tablet, she would really be mad!

5 - I used to hate selfies and would only post pictures of myself if someone else, mostly my niece, were in them.  But I seem to be posting selfies more.  Not sure why.

6 - The struggle of my life is 5am.  I constantly wake up during the 5am hour with a song in my head.  It takes me almost an hour to fall asleep, and when I wake, I wake in the midst of the most vivid dreams.

7 - Or I wake at 5am because of the most vivid dreams about people I know and situations wished for but are likely impossible.  Maybe I should be the Impossible Girl.

8 - A public restroom is NOT the place to listen loudly to videos on TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, or anywhere else really.

9 - I still do not get why "My Favorite Things" from the Sound of Music is considered a Christmas song.  If it is because it is a song about favorite things and everyone expects to get those things, that just isn't cool.

10 - Hallmark, I am still waiting for a movie featuring someone who looks like me who finds love.  Doesn't have to be at Christmas.  It can be any time, because you seem to forget the world has people who look like me who don't want to be alone for the rest of their lives.

11 - Dear B.J'.s Wholesale Club, I do not need a receipt that is 1 1/2 feet long (literally)  when I buy a single product.  That seems like overkill to me.

12 - I have heard it said that sometimes dressing up or just going an extra step to look nice will change your outlook for the day and help you feel better.  Not sure if that is the case.  But every so often I take an extra step to put on some eye shadow or even eye liner and I guess I feel better?

13 - Sometimes I get crazy with my shampoo which makes my hair extra fluffy.  In attempts to calm it down, I braid it while wet, which also makes it fluffy.

14 - When you mess up a craft project, you can make it into something else.  Like a coaster, or a nice place to put a phone.

15 -  Sometimes all you need is a good playlist on YouTube that is full of organ music.

16 - When I mess up singing, my default is to sing to the tune I am singing something like, "Yes, I can read music but not at this very moment."  Because, I'm nervous?  Because I think it will be funny?  Your guess is as good as mine.

17 - When I have a breakthrough, it is amazing and exciting.  I feel energized and happy.  But when what I got from the breakthrough starts to fall apart, I get really down on myself.

18 - When I say I will pray for you, I mean I will pray for you.  It is not just something I say to say it.  I actually do it.

19 - I run into church pews when I am emotionally invested in something and not paying attention.  Or just being spastic.

20 - Yes, I am still seasonally confused.

Merging is a New Journey - Not on the Outside Looking In

As an introvert, I have a hard time inserting myself into situations or jumping into things.  I'll go and do things if asked.  I'll show up to events if I'm interested.  But if you want someone to go first for something that I am at, don't look to me especially if it is a new situation.

Case in point.  Practice for Laity Sunday everyone was just kind of jumping in to practice their songs.  And there was me, waiting for everyone else to go.  Because while I knew I needed to practice, there were a few things keeping me from just jumping up and going.  Like I didn't want a ton of people to hear me.  And other reasons.

I arrived a few weeks later for All Saints Day service and had to practice a solo.  Walked into the sanctuary and froze.  Because I didn't know quite how to approach things to say I was ready to practice.  Same day I didn't feel comfortable taking pictures of the altar with all the candles lit for those who passed in the previous year, until someone else expressed the same thought.

All Saints Day Altar 11/1/2020

It was a sense of still being on the outside, looking in at things as I found my way.

Fast forward to yesterday when, after church, the musical team for the day were in the choir room, all chatting away about stuff.  And I felt like I was no longer on the outside looking in.

For the longest time at Wappingers, I kind of had that same feeling of being on the outside looking in, especially as I got older and more involved in things.  So, like being in Sunday School, Jr. Choir, and Youth Group really didn't have that affect on me.  But as I got more involved in Sr. Choir and other things, I had it.  Like I was there, I was participating, and I knew everyone who was part of everything.  But I just didn't fit completely in with everyone.  Not that anyone was mean or vengeful or anything.  Maybe it was age differences.  Maybe it was length of time.  I don't know.  It took me a long time to not have that feeling.  As everything got smaller there, the outside looking in feeling went away.

Which then makes it strange that now at a larger church I was able to connect with others so quickly and feel so comfortable when I talk about things either on a spiritual level or a personal one.

Or maybe it was just the people I was with?

Whatever the reason, it made me smile at least for a bit...and I hope that happens again real soon!

Thursday Thoughts - Ready or Not? (The unshared devotional)

So, yesterday was my first Church Council meeting.  To say that I was extremely nervous and anxious would be an understatement.  I tried to calm myself by watching episodes of Top Chef I had seen many times over, walked around my building about 10 times, and did some coloring in one of my coloring apps.  I prayed too.  Though I was organizationally ready, I still felt that I wasn't leadership-ready.

In the morning, before everything happened in Washington, D.C., I had written a brief devotional talking about about this idea of being ready.  I didn't wind up using it because of everything going on and it did not seem to be the right timing.  However, I did want to share what I wrote.  Please note, I did not change the tone or address of the devotional - it was intended to be read in front of a group of people in a Zoom meeting so I left that wording the way it was.  So, just read below:

Ready or Not?

In the movie “Prince Caspian,” there was a small moment that has stuck with me through the various leadership positions I have been in over the years.  When faced with the potential of being King of Narnia, the character of Prince Caspian says “I do not think I am ready,” to which the character of Aslan responds, “It’s for that very reason, I know you are.”

I think this quote sticks with me because it is how I keep myself grounded with every new leadership opportunity.  The closer this meeting got, the less and less ready I felt.  I tried to ignore this feeling by doing other things.  For my mental process, I knitted a bunch of scarves, listened to a lot of organ music on YouTube, and used a few coloring apps on my phone.  For my organizational process, I set up a notebook for taking notes with inspirational stickers and labeling my book “PUMC Notes.”  I bought a 3-ring binder, super sticky post-its, and put everything I needed for Church Council in it.  I kept track of reports received and items to add to the agenda in my planner, which I look at multiple times a day.

But there was one very important thing that I forgot.

I forgot to pray.

Don’t worry.  I do pray.  When I read a prayer chain, I stop what I am doing and pray.  I get up in the morning and thank God for waking me up and pray for the day ahead.  At the end of the day I thank God for the day I had.  I’ve started a habit where each day of the month I will be praying for either a leader of the church, so someone on this Zoom, or the group that they lead if they lead a committee or ministry.  But I forgot to pray for myself.

I share this with you all to not only be open and transparent to you.  But also to share that whether you are a new leader or a returning leader, whether you have the same ministry or committee members with you or you have new people, whether I may not feel ready to guide this group, or you may not feel ready to guide your own groups during this still very strange time, God knows that we are all ready for what we need to do.  We will get through it with God’s help and guidance, and of course, prayer.

A peaceful image that reminds me to pray (Taken: 1/4/2021)

Merging is a New Journey - 2021 Adventures!

I knew it was Monday because I returned to work today.  But I forgot it was a Monday when I usually write an entry for this series.  In another month, it will be a year since I started.

So, I have shared this on Facebook, but everyone seems to be choosing a word for the year.  I never really did that before, but I was really moved by the word "HOPE."  There are so many things to hope for in 2021.  But relating it to this blog entry, I am hopeful for my continued growth and involvement at PUMC.

The rock with my Word of 2021.

So, 2021 is going to be bringing quite a few adventures for me at PUMC.  I'm continuing to assist in worship by singing standing socially distant from people.

I'm continuing with my small group.  We just finished our first book and I am looking forward to what we will be doing next!

New things!

I will be getting involved in conversations called "Understanding Strangers," doing a book study of "So You Want To Talk About Race" by Ijeoma Oluo.

I'm learning the live streaming technology so I can assist with that.

Oh, and I am chairing (alone for now) the Church Council.

(Is that it?)

I am so blessed to be so involved with both my online and in person presence.  And I am hopeful for 2021, not just for my participation in these ministries but also for what will come in this new year!

I can say that a year ago, I don't think I was as hopeful that I would feel so connected and have as much hope as I do now.  I think the only thing I was hopeful for was a respite from everything.  But now I have so much more hope.  And I am truly grateful for that.

(Short and sweet today - we will get to more memories next week!)