Can I admit something without everyone getting all judgmental? Without people thinking less of me? Without people telling me that I am supposed to be above all this and I am not supposed to have personal feelings or emotions?
Let me first say that I love school. I love learning. In this new program I am learning all sorts of great things that can be applied to my current job and things I would love to be doing. I'm currently reading this great book called Social Media and Public Relations by Deirdre K. Breakenridge. It has given a lot of detail about how social media works in the public relations field - and it has also shown me jobs that I would love to do! Like things I am excited about, that I want to look into more, that I want to pursue when I graduate with this 2nd Master's.
But sometimes I feel it is all overwhelming and I have no clue how I made it through the first round between 2012-2014. Not a lot has changed. My house is still full. I still have evenings where I take care of my niece. I sometimes fall asleep while I'm trying to read through my homework.
I feel like I should quit sometimes. I feel like it's not worth the struggle. I feel like the nights I am up reading or the Saturdays I am writing forum posts, working on papers, or fighting with APA are a waste of my time. I don't understand why it is harder this time around. I made it through two years of classes with the same things going on. And it was hard. But it doesn't feel like it was as hard as it is now.
Is it because I really, really want to succeed in this program? Is it because I feel like it is really right up my alley?
I hate to talk about the fact that I feel like quitting sometimes. Because there are parts of school that I do love. Sometimes the reading is a lot. But I enjoy it. I've enjoyed the friendships I've made as a result of group projects or forum discussions. And there are times I enjoy the lengthy papers, because when you read something that's 15-20 pages and it looks all professional and you know you wrote it, there's a huge sense of accomplishment. Especially if you do well on the paper. In fact, much of it I do love. But I want to do better than last time. So I put an immense amount of pressure on myself to do better. And when I can't spend as much time reading or studying or writing as I want to, I get frustrated and throw up my hands and say "I quit!"
But I don't quit.
I don't give up. (Don't give up! Don't step aside. Don't run and hide....sorry, just started to bust into a junior choir cantata song....)
And I don't drop out.
I push through and persevere.
I cry too.
But when Friday, May 19, 2017 rolls around...I will walk across that stage and know that even though it was a tougher struggle the second time around, "I DID IT!"
(And no, I won't be a 3rd time grad student....that's a promise.)
Monday, September 7, 2015
Saturday, August 8, 2015
Standing Strong in my Convictions
In Chapter 6 of Dancing Through Life: Steps of Courage and Conviction by Candace Cameron Bure, she focuses on the lessons learned during her Dancing With The Stars (DWTS) Disney theme week. She had to stand by her convictions, even if they were not as conservative as people thought they should have been.
Something I have struggled with for many years now is what I'll call the "Significant Other Relationship." I'll just put it out there. I am almost 39 years old. I am overweight. I am a Christian on the more conservative side than most. And I am single.
The world expects that at 39 years old that you are married and have a family of your own. Though there is plenty out there that says the family dynamic is changing, there is still something out there that teaches kids that after a certain point, everyone has a significant other. And if they don't, something is wrong with them. I can't tell you the number of times I've had kids ask me, "Where's your husband?" and when I say I don't have one, the follow up question is, "Why not?"
Now, several years ago I was engaged to someone. At the time I thought it was love. Or at least, it was the love I deserved. As an overweight conservative Christian woman, your options, at least in my opinion, are rather limited. And the first person who showed a romantic interest in me was the one I had to be with. Because society expected me to be married. So I had to take what I could get.
But was that the right place to be?
The friends I spent a lot of time with in those years knew that I was afraid of being alone and without someone. A very faithful man of God, who has recently gone to his eternal home in Heaven, knew that too. He told me that I knew what I had to do. I didn't want to admit it at that time, but I knew I had to end the relationship. It took me several weeks to actually do what I knew I had to do. And it wasn't easy.
In my eagerness to fulfill what society expected - for me to be a good Christian woman and get married and have kids - I almost lost myself in the process. The part of me that wants to reach others in my preaching. The part that likes to go to massive worship services from time to time and raise my hands and praise God. The part of me that likes to go to loud concerts and jump around in time to the music. The part of me that wanted to go back to school and earn a Master's degree (or two).
I will be honest. There are times when I still question my decision. But then I look at my degree audit. Or my Master's degree. Or my niece. Or my family. Or my church. And I realize I made the right decision. Sure I'm alone and I probably will be for the rest of my life. But at least I am able to do the things I want to with my life, ministry, and education. And in turn use all that to help others.
I don't expect everyone to agree with what I have to say. But I wrote what I had to say to encourage you to stand with conviction for what you believe. I believe that I shouldn't have to settle. My settling was a moment of weakness and one that I learn from every day. I can still be all the things that I want to be. If someone does not want me to be those things, then they best get out of my way.
Something I have struggled with for many years now is what I'll call the "Significant Other Relationship." I'll just put it out there. I am almost 39 years old. I am overweight. I am a Christian on the more conservative side than most. And I am single.
The world expects that at 39 years old that you are married and have a family of your own. Though there is plenty out there that says the family dynamic is changing, there is still something out there that teaches kids that after a certain point, everyone has a significant other. And if they don't, something is wrong with them. I can't tell you the number of times I've had kids ask me, "Where's your husband?" and when I say I don't have one, the follow up question is, "Why not?"
Now, several years ago I was engaged to someone. At the time I thought it was love. Or at least, it was the love I deserved. As an overweight conservative Christian woman, your options, at least in my opinion, are rather limited. And the first person who showed a romantic interest in me was the one I had to be with. Because society expected me to be married. So I had to take what I could get.
But was that the right place to be?
The friends I spent a lot of time with in those years knew that I was afraid of being alone and without someone. A very faithful man of God, who has recently gone to his eternal home in Heaven, knew that too. He told me that I knew what I had to do. I didn't want to admit it at that time, but I knew I had to end the relationship. It took me several weeks to actually do what I knew I had to do. And it wasn't easy.
In my eagerness to fulfill what society expected - for me to be a good Christian woman and get married and have kids - I almost lost myself in the process. The part of me that wants to reach others in my preaching. The part that likes to go to massive worship services from time to time and raise my hands and praise God. The part of me that likes to go to loud concerts and jump around in time to the music. The part of me that wanted to go back to school and earn a Master's degree (or two).
I will be honest. There are times when I still question my decision. But then I look at my degree audit. Or my Master's degree. Or my niece. Or my family. Or my church. And I realize I made the right decision. Sure I'm alone and I probably will be for the rest of my life. But at least I am able to do the things I want to with my life, ministry, and education. And in turn use all that to help others.
I don't expect everyone to agree with what I have to say. But I wrote what I had to say to encourage you to stand with conviction for what you believe. I believe that I shouldn't have to settle. My settling was a moment of weakness and one that I learn from every day. I can still be all the things that I want to be. If someone does not want me to be those things, then they best get out of my way.
This post was inspired by Candace Cameron Bure’s new book, Dancing Through Life: Steps of Courage and Conviction. Order your copy of #DancingThroughLife today!
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
My Irrational Fear...
It is getting to the time of year when my parents go away on vacation for two weeks to Cape Cod and I take care of the house and the family dog. And the birds. Can't forget all those bird feeders.
Anyway, I have been going through this process for the last 7 years with Harmi. The first year I took a week off and actually went away with my parents to kind of "relive" the vacations we used to take when I was a kid and my dad's parents lived there. Then I was off a couple days to readjust and then I was back to work. Then I would take a couple days off at the start of their 2 weeks away, and go in late (like 10-11am) the rest of the time.
But I slowly found myself having this irrational fear.
My fear was that I would be out walking Harmi and someone would come by and shoot me and I'd be on the ground and she would run away. Or something would happen to me while I was at work and I wouldn't be able to come home and Harmi would be wondering where I am and think I had abandoned her.
It got so bad that there were days as I was locking up the house and heading to work that I would be bawling my eyes out, vowing the next year to stay home for the entire two weeks of my parents vacation so that I could be sure nothing would happen to me or to Harmi.
(Just a side note: I thought maybe typing this all out would help me get through it. But true to myself, I started crying just thinking about all this and had to take a break just now from my typing.)
Only one time have I been able to take the entire 2 weeks off. And while the return to work was hard, it was probably the least fearful I had ever been in caring for Harmi.
Pretty soon (in just another week and couple days) my parents are going away again and I will be off the Friday they leave and the whole week following that. Here's hoping that I won't stress myself out too much when I have to go out to get groceries or I go back to work the week after my time off.
Anyway, I have been going through this process for the last 7 years with Harmi. The first year I took a week off and actually went away with my parents to kind of "relive" the vacations we used to take when I was a kid and my dad's parents lived there. Then I was off a couple days to readjust and then I was back to work. Then I would take a couple days off at the start of their 2 weeks away, and go in late (like 10-11am) the rest of the time.
But I slowly found myself having this irrational fear.
My fear was that I would be out walking Harmi and someone would come by and shoot me and I'd be on the ground and she would run away. Or something would happen to me while I was at work and I wouldn't be able to come home and Harmi would be wondering where I am and think I had abandoned her.
It got so bad that there were days as I was locking up the house and heading to work that I would be bawling my eyes out, vowing the next year to stay home for the entire two weeks of my parents vacation so that I could be sure nothing would happen to me or to Harmi.
(Just a side note: I thought maybe typing this all out would help me get through it. But true to myself, I started crying just thinking about all this and had to take a break just now from my typing.)
Only one time have I been able to take the entire 2 weeks off. And while the return to work was hard, it was probably the least fearful I had ever been in caring for Harmi.
Pretty soon (in just another week and couple days) my parents are going away again and I will be off the Friday they leave and the whole week following that. Here's hoping that I won't stress myself out too much when I have to go out to get groceries or I go back to work the week after my time off.
Monday, July 20, 2015
Something I can get behind...
So, I was accepted to be part of an online launch group for Candace Cameron Bure's next book, Dancing Through Life. (See image below.)
When all is said and done, I think we're supposed to be like 400-strong (out of probably thousands who expressed interest) posting on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other social media outlets about what we have been able to read of the book.
I've been a fan of Candace's since her Full House days. That eventually switched to being a fan of her Hallmark Christmas movies. And then of her books. And now just as someone I can look up to. It sounds kind of strange typing that as we were both born in the same year. But sometimes I think "looking up to" someone does not necessarily have to be someone who is older than you. Instead it is seeing someone who has a large following, someone who is in the public eye more than I, who holds a lot of the same beliefs as I do and being able to stick to those beliefs in whatever she does.
So, I've been able to read the first chapter of her book - I pretty much got through it in 5 minutes. It was that good. It made me wonder why I can't read any of my other "for fun" books like that or my text books like that. She has a great way of combining her entertainment experiences with her faith. And for me, that pulls me in. It won't pull everyone one in, and that's okay.
Anyway, while I am on this break between classes, I'm glad I'm having the opportunity to promote her book. It comes out August 1st if you're interested.
When all is said and done, I think we're supposed to be like 400-strong (out of probably thousands who expressed interest) posting on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other social media outlets about what we have been able to read of the book.
I've been a fan of Candace's since her Full House days. That eventually switched to being a fan of her Hallmark Christmas movies. And then of her books. And now just as someone I can look up to. It sounds kind of strange typing that as we were both born in the same year. But sometimes I think "looking up to" someone does not necessarily have to be someone who is older than you. Instead it is seeing someone who has a large following, someone who is in the public eye more than I, who holds a lot of the same beliefs as I do and being able to stick to those beliefs in whatever she does.
So, I've been able to read the first chapter of her book - I pretty much got through it in 5 minutes. It was that good. It made me wonder why I can't read any of my other "for fun" books like that or my text books like that. She has a great way of combining her entertainment experiences with her faith. And for me, that pulls me in. It won't pull everyone one in, and that's okay.
Anyway, while I am on this break between classes, I'm glad I'm having the opportunity to promote her book. It comes out August 1st if you're interested.
Saturday, July 11, 2015
That time I was really proud of my niece...
So in my last post I alluded to another story I wanted to share about my niece. She is 3 years old, a diabetic, and sometimes is great for me and sometimes gives me a hard time. And yes, there are times she gives me a really, really hard time.
But this story is about one of those times when she was absolutely superb for me when I was not expecting it.
About a month and a half ago we found out one of our second cousins passed away. Both sides of my family are getting smaller and smaller so the remaining family that lives in the area we try to stay in touch with and see on a regular basis. This cousin who had passed away I was able to go visit the day after Christmas in 2014.
So anyway, my parents, sister, and I were trying to figure things out in terms of going to the wake and funeral as well as the burial while also keeping in mind we would have my niece with us. The wake was the easy part. My sister was off so she was able to drive down with my niece and take care of her. I wound up on nap duty because even in the midst of crazyness I somehow have inherited the talent for getting my niece to nap. The problem day was the funeral. Both my sister and brother-in-law had to work. My parents wanted to go to the funeral but were concerned about the drive from the funeral home to the cemetery, which was a good 20 minutes away. They were offered seats in the limo that would be following the hearse but didn't know what to do with me and my niece, who obviously couldn't ride in the limo. So I said I would follow in the car, driving my niece...who I had never driven anywhere before...usually I'm the rider!
The day of the wake my niece had an "alright" day. She was pretty good at the wake, except for fighting the nap. She was terrible on the way home after dinner. So I was a little concerned about her behavior the next day. I even considered staying home but my mom insisted I go, because then I could also drive the entire family home and let everyone else rest.
Can I just tell you how PERFECT my niece was the day of the funeral? We had a few talks in the car, just her and I, and I explained how we were going to a different church and the people were not used to having children in church, especially for the service we were attending. (To give you an indication...aside from my niece, I, at 38, was literally the youngest person in the sanctuary.) She used her "church voice" (a whisper) the entire time. Which never happens even in our own church. After the service was over, we got many compliments on what a good girl she was and how no one even realized such a young child was present. (Of course, I did sit in the back just in case I had to make an emergency exit with a loud child.)
Then it was time to drive to the cemetery. I talked to my niece the whole way there. We had to stop at the office once we got there, so I took a quick break to test her blood, give her a snack, and some insulin. Then we got to the place where the grave was, where I then told her she had to be quiet because we were going to have a small church service outside. She was a little noisier than in the sanctuary...because there happened to be a train station right nearby so she could hear and see trains which she loves. Everyone there had been given a flower to throw on the casket before it was lowered into the grave site, including my niece. Now, any time she is given something she likes to keep it. She will sometimes give it away if that's what we're supposed to be doing, but then she wants it back and pitches a fit until she gets something to hold. Do you know that she threw the flower on the casket just like everyone else and didn't make a sound?
Then we all had a late lunch at a place that really didn't have much of anything she could eat. We had packed a lunch for her, so that wasn't a problem. But there she sat at a table with her Grammy, Grampy, Aunt Jenn, and 4 other adults who were not used to having such a young child at a table with them at a restaurant. And through the majority of lunch she was great. Towards the end she got antsy, but it was past her nap time and I think she had had enough of being quiet - even I would've had enough of it! So I took her into the car and played videos for her until Grammy and Grampy got back in the car and we headed home.
Of course, the next day she had one of her bad behavior days, which really disappointed me because she had been so good the day before. But I guess eventually she will have more days where she listens to those caring for her as opposed to not listening to them.
Later she would tell people she went to another church and it was fun, had pretty music, and Grammy read in front of the people. It definitely had pretty music but I'm not sure how much fun it was. But I guess if she has good memories of a sad day that's a good thing.
But this story is about one of those times when she was absolutely superb for me when I was not expecting it.
About a month and a half ago we found out one of our second cousins passed away. Both sides of my family are getting smaller and smaller so the remaining family that lives in the area we try to stay in touch with and see on a regular basis. This cousin who had passed away I was able to go visit the day after Christmas in 2014.
So anyway, my parents, sister, and I were trying to figure things out in terms of going to the wake and funeral as well as the burial while also keeping in mind we would have my niece with us. The wake was the easy part. My sister was off so she was able to drive down with my niece and take care of her. I wound up on nap duty because even in the midst of crazyness I somehow have inherited the talent for getting my niece to nap. The problem day was the funeral. Both my sister and brother-in-law had to work. My parents wanted to go to the funeral but were concerned about the drive from the funeral home to the cemetery, which was a good 20 minutes away. They were offered seats in the limo that would be following the hearse but didn't know what to do with me and my niece, who obviously couldn't ride in the limo. So I said I would follow in the car, driving my niece...who I had never driven anywhere before...usually I'm the rider!
The day of the wake my niece had an "alright" day. She was pretty good at the wake, except for fighting the nap. She was terrible on the way home after dinner. So I was a little concerned about her behavior the next day. I even considered staying home but my mom insisted I go, because then I could also drive the entire family home and let everyone else rest.
Can I just tell you how PERFECT my niece was the day of the funeral? We had a few talks in the car, just her and I, and I explained how we were going to a different church and the people were not used to having children in church, especially for the service we were attending. (To give you an indication...aside from my niece, I, at 38, was literally the youngest person in the sanctuary.) She used her "church voice" (a whisper) the entire time. Which never happens even in our own church. After the service was over, we got many compliments on what a good girl she was and how no one even realized such a young child was present. (Of course, I did sit in the back just in case I had to make an emergency exit with a loud child.)
Then it was time to drive to the cemetery. I talked to my niece the whole way there. We had to stop at the office once we got there, so I took a quick break to test her blood, give her a snack, and some insulin. Then we got to the place where the grave was, where I then told her she had to be quiet because we were going to have a small church service outside. She was a little noisier than in the sanctuary...because there happened to be a train station right nearby so she could hear and see trains which she loves. Everyone there had been given a flower to throw on the casket before it was lowered into the grave site, including my niece. Now, any time she is given something she likes to keep it. She will sometimes give it away if that's what we're supposed to be doing, but then she wants it back and pitches a fit until she gets something to hold. Do you know that she threw the flower on the casket just like everyone else and didn't make a sound?
Then we all had a late lunch at a place that really didn't have much of anything she could eat. We had packed a lunch for her, so that wasn't a problem. But there she sat at a table with her Grammy, Grampy, Aunt Jenn, and 4 other adults who were not used to having such a young child at a table with them at a restaurant. And through the majority of lunch she was great. Towards the end she got antsy, but it was past her nap time and I think she had had enough of being quiet - even I would've had enough of it! So I took her into the car and played videos for her until Grammy and Grampy got back in the car and we headed home.
Of course, the next day she had one of her bad behavior days, which really disappointed me because she had been so good the day before. But I guess eventually she will have more days where she listens to those caring for her as opposed to not listening to them.
Later she would tell people she went to another church and it was fun, had pretty music, and Grammy read in front of the people. It definitely had pretty music but I'm not sure how much fun it was. But I guess if she has good memories of a sad day that's a good thing.
Thursday, July 9, 2015
Three classes down, Seven to go!
It's been another few months since I last posted here. I was basically slogging my way through a 6-week summer course that really had everything completed in 5 weeks and I am typically used to 8 weeks. So it's been a little over a month push to finish.
The class itself (Research Marketing) was very interesting. But it was a lot of effort to get through it. We had a textbook that, if buying new, was almost $400. Luckily our professor required us to read the entire text, so I got my money's worth. But it was at 3-4 chapters a week. Plus a 15-question quiz on each chapter. So if you read chapters 5, 6, 7, and 8, you had a 15-question quiz for chapter 5, a 15-question quiz for chapter 6, and so on. Except for the last 3 chapters, which we had 1 quiz to cover all 3 chapters. The first two weeks we had discussions based on our readings. The last 3 weeks we had assignments due, which were easy enough to complete in the short time frame and our discussions those week were based on the assignments - so for me that was almost really fun.
But now it's all said and done. And I have to make that break from school mode (which I did not really get out of between my last spring class and the summer class) into relax mode. I still feel like I should be doing something during my lunch or when I'm home. But I don't have anything else due. So now I have about a month and a half (or so) to read for fun.
I'm currently reading a book called Mainstreet to Mainframes which was written about the Poughkeepsie area and how IBM coming in really shaped the town/city and the Hudson Valley as a whole. The author came and spoke about another book he contributed to at the FDR Library in Hyde Park, NY. I was interested in the subject because of my job so I thought it would be a good read. A little hard after slamming through a textbook on research marketing, but it's been interesting so far.
All the talk on my Twitter feed is about SDCC (San Diego Comic Con). I can't wait until it's over, only because then maybe my feed will fill up with more NYCC (New York Comic Con) talk. I was lucky to get a 4-day pass this year so I can't wait until the programming starts coming together and I can plan when to go to see panels and when to go to grab free stuff. (And stand on line at the Hallmark booth to get in.)
There is something else I want to talk about but I want to save it for its own post so either later today or tomorrow sometime. I hope.
The class itself (Research Marketing) was very interesting. But it was a lot of effort to get through it. We had a textbook that, if buying new, was almost $400. Luckily our professor required us to read the entire text, so I got my money's worth. But it was at 3-4 chapters a week. Plus a 15-question quiz on each chapter. So if you read chapters 5, 6, 7, and 8, you had a 15-question quiz for chapter 5, a 15-question quiz for chapter 6, and so on. Except for the last 3 chapters, which we had 1 quiz to cover all 3 chapters. The first two weeks we had discussions based on our readings. The last 3 weeks we had assignments due, which were easy enough to complete in the short time frame and our discussions those week were based on the assignments - so for me that was almost really fun.
But now it's all said and done. And I have to make that break from school mode (which I did not really get out of between my last spring class and the summer class) into relax mode. I still feel like I should be doing something during my lunch or when I'm home. But I don't have anything else due. So now I have about a month and a half (or so) to read for fun.
I'm currently reading a book called Mainstreet to Mainframes which was written about the Poughkeepsie area and how IBM coming in really shaped the town/city and the Hudson Valley as a whole. The author came and spoke about another book he contributed to at the FDR Library in Hyde Park, NY. I was interested in the subject because of my job so I thought it would be a good read. A little hard after slamming through a textbook on research marketing, but it's been interesting so far.
All the talk on my Twitter feed is about SDCC (San Diego Comic Con). I can't wait until it's over, only because then maybe my feed will fill up with more NYCC (New York Comic Con) talk. I was lucky to get a 4-day pass this year so I can't wait until the programming starts coming together and I can plan when to go to see panels and when to go to grab free stuff. (And stand on line at the Hallmark booth to get in.)
There is something else I want to talk about but I want to save it for its own post so either later today or tomorrow sometime. I hope.
Monday, May 18, 2015
You think I forgot about this blog?
Okay, maybe for a time I did. Or rather I didn't forget about it but I didn't have time for it and the time I did have for it I used for other things.
So to update you, I finished my first full semester of grad school (again). Two 8-week classes. There was a week between each of the classes but I spent it working long hours assisting with a conference on campus. So - not really a break. I have a couple weeks off before I start my summer class, another 8 weeks. But at least this will be my last summer class and it will be done in mid-July so I'll have a decent sized break after it.
I'll be honest. It feels a lot harder this time around than it did last time around. I wouldn't think that two years would make that much of a difference in terms of me being older and that being the reason it was such a hard time.
It could be because of the classes in particular. The first class, which was an interesting subject - an overview of IMC. I did well in discussions and, in fact, was usually one of the first people to post for the week in my group - something I have improved upon GREATLY from my last program. But we were thrown into a major group project right away. I had a hard time finding my place in the group and speaking my mind. My group mates were great - don't get me wrong! But I have a hard time making friends as it is - I have always been that way and I expect I always will be. So it was a little more difficult for me to get in "group work" mode so early in the program, hardly getting a chance to learn more about my teammates.
The second class - well - it was the strangest graduate class in my LIFE. First, I wound up picking the section that NONE of my class mates had chosen. How I managed to do that I'll never know. Second, the class was one of several MBA courses that are required in the program. So not only was I not with the people I had just spent the last 8 weeks with, but I was with a bunch of MBA students. There were maybe 1 or 2 others who were IMC students like me, but they had started in the Fall. But it gets even better. We had no discussions. We had no papers. We just had weekly homework assignments to turn in. No interaction. I have NEVER had a class where there was literally no interaction except for asking questions of the professor regarding practice or homework problems. This was a class called "Analytical Tools for Decision Making" - but in reality it should have been called "Advanced Statistics" because that is what it was. It really was not any tool for decision making unless you're a math person, which I'm not. I really thought this class was going to kill me. I would spent hours locked in my room on the weekends working on homework. Nothing I was reading was making any sense and the formulas soon became jumbles of symbols I just could never ever remember. But I got through it - with a B average. And I'm happy about that.
Up next is Marketing Research. There's something like 60 students in the class because it is the ONLY summer class the IMC students have to take so everyone is taking it plus all the MBA students that need to take it. I'm sure we'll be broken into small groups - hopefully I'll be with some people I know already! And I hope they assign a teach assistant - I would feel bad for the professor assigned to the class originally expecting only 30 students and now there's over double that and no help.
Last bit of randomness....last program I was literally getting hit with a cold as each course ended. So, in the span of an academic year, I was sick 5 times. I thought maybe I was getting away with the lack of cold. I managed go be well for the time between my first and second classes. I was thrilled! But this morning I seem to have woken with a sore throat, stuffy nose, and stuffy head. Maybe it's allergies? Or it's a cold. Sigh.
So to update you, I finished my first full semester of grad school (again). Two 8-week classes. There was a week between each of the classes but I spent it working long hours assisting with a conference on campus. So - not really a break. I have a couple weeks off before I start my summer class, another 8 weeks. But at least this will be my last summer class and it will be done in mid-July so I'll have a decent sized break after it.
I'll be honest. It feels a lot harder this time around than it did last time around. I wouldn't think that two years would make that much of a difference in terms of me being older and that being the reason it was such a hard time.
It could be because of the classes in particular. The first class, which was an interesting subject - an overview of IMC. I did well in discussions and, in fact, was usually one of the first people to post for the week in my group - something I have improved upon GREATLY from my last program. But we were thrown into a major group project right away. I had a hard time finding my place in the group and speaking my mind. My group mates were great - don't get me wrong! But I have a hard time making friends as it is - I have always been that way and I expect I always will be. So it was a little more difficult for me to get in "group work" mode so early in the program, hardly getting a chance to learn more about my teammates.
The second class - well - it was the strangest graduate class in my LIFE. First, I wound up picking the section that NONE of my class mates had chosen. How I managed to do that I'll never know. Second, the class was one of several MBA courses that are required in the program. So not only was I not with the people I had just spent the last 8 weeks with, but I was with a bunch of MBA students. There were maybe 1 or 2 others who were IMC students like me, but they had started in the Fall. But it gets even better. We had no discussions. We had no papers. We just had weekly homework assignments to turn in. No interaction. I have NEVER had a class where there was literally no interaction except for asking questions of the professor regarding practice or homework problems. This was a class called "Analytical Tools for Decision Making" - but in reality it should have been called "Advanced Statistics" because that is what it was. It really was not any tool for decision making unless you're a math person, which I'm not. I really thought this class was going to kill me. I would spent hours locked in my room on the weekends working on homework. Nothing I was reading was making any sense and the formulas soon became jumbles of symbols I just could never ever remember. But I got through it - with a B average. And I'm happy about that.
Up next is Marketing Research. There's something like 60 students in the class because it is the ONLY summer class the IMC students have to take so everyone is taking it plus all the MBA students that need to take it. I'm sure we'll be broken into small groups - hopefully I'll be with some people I know already! And I hope they assign a teach assistant - I would feel bad for the professor assigned to the class originally expecting only 30 students and now there's over double that and no help.
Last bit of randomness....last program I was literally getting hit with a cold as each course ended. So, in the span of an academic year, I was sick 5 times. I thought maybe I was getting away with the lack of cold. I managed go be well for the time between my first and second classes. I was thrilled! But this morning I seem to have woken with a sore throat, stuffy nose, and stuffy head. Maybe it's allergies? Or it's a cold. Sigh.
Friday, February 13, 2015
Did I make a mistake?
So on Wednesday I had a mental breakdown. It was no reason in particular. I didn't have anything specific due that day, I wasn't struggling to get a post done by the end of the day, I was caught up on my reading for the week, I didn't have anything else to do. But I sat in my room and cried for an hour and it's taken me almost two full days to get out of the depression I was in.
My question to myself was...did I make a mistake?
I was so excited to be starting this new program. I have learned a lot in the first four 1/2 weeks of class. I didn't realize that really, aspects of IMC are everywhere. In addition to my text book I am also reading a book The New Rules of Marketing and PR which has turned out to be very interesting and a fun read to get through.
But I feel like it is harder this time around. It shouldn't be because I'm used to the format and I know APA style, or at least I know more of it now than I did when I started my first program. Since I went through 2 years of grad school already I know what is expected. I know how to better plan my time and get everything completed that I need to complete. I know I can't procrastinate on stuff. And I am fine with all that.
But something inside me just broke and I questioned my decision. I questioned whether it was worth it. Did I make a mistake?
At that point on Wednesday I think everything that had been going on around me finally reached a point where I was tired of being the strong one and not complaining about anything that I needed to just let it all out.
So for a time I doubted myself. I doubted my abilities to return to school. I doubted my abilities as a student, a helpful person, a daughter, a hard worker, a church leader, and everything else that I am. I might go through this phase again. And the hope is that I come out stronger on the other side. But I have to keep in mind...that even when I think I made a mistake...if I just keep pushing through I will make out okay in the end.
My question to myself was...did I make a mistake?
I was so excited to be starting this new program. I have learned a lot in the first four 1/2 weeks of class. I didn't realize that really, aspects of IMC are everywhere. In addition to my text book I am also reading a book The New Rules of Marketing and PR which has turned out to be very interesting and a fun read to get through.
But I feel like it is harder this time around. It shouldn't be because I'm used to the format and I know APA style, or at least I know more of it now than I did when I started my first program. Since I went through 2 years of grad school already I know what is expected. I know how to better plan my time and get everything completed that I need to complete. I know I can't procrastinate on stuff. And I am fine with all that.
But something inside me just broke and I questioned my decision. I questioned whether it was worth it. Did I make a mistake?
At that point on Wednesday I think everything that had been going on around me finally reached a point where I was tired of being the strong one and not complaining about anything that I needed to just let it all out.
So for a time I doubted myself. I doubted my abilities to return to school. I doubted my abilities as a student, a helpful person, a daughter, a hard worker, a church leader, and everything else that I am. I might go through this phase again. And the hope is that I come out stronger on the other side. But I have to keep in mind...that even when I think I made a mistake...if I just keep pushing through I will make out okay in the end.
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Life Gets In The Way
Knowing I had two nights of babysitting duty ahead (Tuesday and Wednesday) I decided to spend the bulk of my Monday evening doing course work (since class has now officially started) and getting a jump ahead on next week's readings.
So, I listened to and jotted down notes to two lectures, both about 13 minutes in length. I took a bit of a break and played a couple rounds of a game on my iPad. Then checked my assignment book to verify I was prepared to start reading the correct chapters for next week. I started next week's reading...and my phone rang.
Sometimes life just gets in the way.
It was my mom asking if I would go to where she and my dad were...because my dad had fallen. Thinking my dad fell on ice, I started to work on getting my Yaktrax on my shoes and finding a pair for him to put on his shoes and a minute later my mom calls again.
She asked me to call an ambulance because my dad was bleeding from his head.
Long story short.
By the time I get to where my dad and mom are, the ambulance has arrived and he is being prepped for transport to the hospital.
Sometimes life gets in the way.
Though I only got done with about half of what I wanted to accomplish last night, I am still very, very thankful.
See the thing is, my dad fell down 5 stairs backwards and bumped his head. His cat scan was negative. He had no brain bleeds. No cracked skull. No broken neck, back, or any other bones. He has a concussion and a laceration on his head. That's it. He was dizzy and nauseous when my mom and I left him last night/early this morning just after 1am. But that's typical for a concussion. This morning he was able to eat breakfast and was much less dizzy.
Sometimes life gets in the way. And it was done to remind me just how blessed I am to not only have such a great relationship with both my parents but that when something happens to them, it can be a lot worse.
So what I didn't get my reading done when I wanted? My dad's alive and okay. Life gets in the way to keep us in check. Not that I think life needs to make people fall down steps to remind us of things. But it reminded me not to forget how important my family is. Not everyone is as blessed as I am to have the family relationship that I do. And last night just reminded me how fortunate I am to have my family and the guardian angels that protect us daily.
So, I listened to and jotted down notes to two lectures, both about 13 minutes in length. I took a bit of a break and played a couple rounds of a game on my iPad. Then checked my assignment book to verify I was prepared to start reading the correct chapters for next week. I started next week's reading...and my phone rang.
Sometimes life just gets in the way.
It was my mom asking if I would go to where she and my dad were...because my dad had fallen. Thinking my dad fell on ice, I started to work on getting my Yaktrax on my shoes and finding a pair for him to put on his shoes and a minute later my mom calls again.
She asked me to call an ambulance because my dad was bleeding from his head.
Long story short.
By the time I get to where my dad and mom are, the ambulance has arrived and he is being prepped for transport to the hospital.
Sometimes life gets in the way.
Though I only got done with about half of what I wanted to accomplish last night, I am still very, very thankful.
See the thing is, my dad fell down 5 stairs backwards and bumped his head. His cat scan was negative. He had no brain bleeds. No cracked skull. No broken neck, back, or any other bones. He has a concussion and a laceration on his head. That's it. He was dizzy and nauseous when my mom and I left him last night/early this morning just after 1am. But that's typical for a concussion. This morning he was able to eat breakfast and was much less dizzy.
Sometimes life gets in the way. And it was done to remind me just how blessed I am to not only have such a great relationship with both my parents but that when something happens to them, it can be a lot worse.
So what I didn't get my reading done when I wanted? My dad's alive and okay. Life gets in the way to keep us in check. Not that I think life needs to make people fall down steps to remind us of things. But it reminded me not to forget how important my family is. Not everyone is as blessed as I am to have the family relationship that I do. And last night just reminded me how fortunate I am to have my family and the guardian angels that protect us daily.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
It did or it didn't? @Starbucks @StarbucksStore
Just as a note - I put the Twitter handles for both Starbucks and the Starbucks online store in the title because I also have a link to this blog posted on Twitter. The feed I use also starts to post part of the title, so I'm hoping the handles show up.
So a few weeks ago I received an email from Starbucks indicating there was a sale on holiday stuff...gift packages, mugs, and even coffees. I checked out the sale...and I could, indeed get 50% off VIA packs of Peppermint Mocha (my favorite handcrafted drink) and K-cups of either the traditional Holiday Blend or the Blonde roast version of their Holiday Blend. I purchased 2 boxes of the Peppermint Mocha VIAs and 2 K-Cup boxes of the Blonde Roast Holiday Blend. (I've become slightly obsessed with our Keurig machine at work. Plus I like to share the coffee I like, so if I can get a good deal on something like Starbucks I will take it!) Anyway, my order gets placed. My card gets charged. And eventually I get an email letting me know my Peppermint Mocha is on the way.
Maybe a week or so later I get another email saying that my cancelled order of the K-Cups was processed and I would have the money "spent" returned to my card.
What?
I hadn't cancelled any orders. And every time I checked on the status of the 2 boxes of K-Cups I was told it was being processed. So I was confused. Did I cancel the order and not know it? Did they run out of the product and they actually cancelled the order for me? Or was it someone spoofing the Starbucks online store to get my information? I decided to wait it out and see what came with my order of Peppermint Mocha and go from there.
My Peppermint Mocha order arrives, and guess what was also in the box...if you said "the K-cups" or something along those lines, you'd be right. I've been checking my bank account and I haven't been reimbursed for my purchase of undelivered K-cups (if I was, I'd definitely do something about it!) so as far as I was concerned it was either a spoofing email or they got confused.
Then I get an email asking me to review my purchase. I haven't tried the K-cups yet, so I wrote a review on the Peppermint Mocha VIA packets. A very positive review mind you. I'm told, after submitting the review, that if it fits the guidelines it will be published. That's fine. If it gets published, fine. If not, that's fine with me too.
Today I get an email. Actually, I get two emails from the Starbucks store. At the same exact time. One says my review has been published. The other says my review can not be published.
Huh???
So did it or didn't it get published?
Turns out it was published. But how confusing is that? Getting 2 emails at the same time stating a review had both been and not been published.
The Starbucks Store can do what they want with reviews. They can publish or not. It's completely up to them. I just wish they wouldn't be so confusing by emailing people telling them an order has been cancelled, even though it hasn't...or their review wasn't published when it was.
So a few weeks ago I received an email from Starbucks indicating there was a sale on holiday stuff...gift packages, mugs, and even coffees. I checked out the sale...and I could, indeed get 50% off VIA packs of Peppermint Mocha (my favorite handcrafted drink) and K-cups of either the traditional Holiday Blend or the Blonde roast version of their Holiday Blend. I purchased 2 boxes of the Peppermint Mocha VIAs and 2 K-Cup boxes of the Blonde Roast Holiday Blend. (I've become slightly obsessed with our Keurig machine at work. Plus I like to share the coffee I like, so if I can get a good deal on something like Starbucks I will take it!) Anyway, my order gets placed. My card gets charged. And eventually I get an email letting me know my Peppermint Mocha is on the way.
Maybe a week or so later I get another email saying that my cancelled order of the K-Cups was processed and I would have the money "spent" returned to my card.
What?
I hadn't cancelled any orders. And every time I checked on the status of the 2 boxes of K-Cups I was told it was being processed. So I was confused. Did I cancel the order and not know it? Did they run out of the product and they actually cancelled the order for me? Or was it someone spoofing the Starbucks online store to get my information? I decided to wait it out and see what came with my order of Peppermint Mocha and go from there.
My Peppermint Mocha order arrives, and guess what was also in the box...if you said "the K-cups" or something along those lines, you'd be right. I've been checking my bank account and I haven't been reimbursed for my purchase of undelivered K-cups (if I was, I'd definitely do something about it!) so as far as I was concerned it was either a spoofing email or they got confused.
Then I get an email asking me to review my purchase. I haven't tried the K-cups yet, so I wrote a review on the Peppermint Mocha VIA packets. A very positive review mind you. I'm told, after submitting the review, that if it fits the guidelines it will be published. That's fine. If it gets published, fine. If not, that's fine with me too.
Today I get an email. Actually, I get two emails from the Starbucks store. At the same exact time. One says my review has been published. The other says my review can not be published.
Huh???
So did it or didn't it get published?
Turns out it was published. But how confusing is that? Getting 2 emails at the same time stating a review had both been and not been published.
The Starbucks Store can do what they want with reviews. They can publish or not. It's completely up to them. I just wish they wouldn't be so confusing by emailing people telling them an order has been cancelled, even though it hasn't...or their review wasn't published when it was.
Monday, January 5, 2015
The Benefits and Drawbacks of a Nap
So this past Saturday I wanted, more than anything, to sleep in a bit since I would be up early on Sunday (had to be at a church 30 minutes away by 8:30am), and this coming weekend I had an early meeting in an location I've never been to before on Saturday plus I have to be at the 30-minutes away church at 8:30am on Sunday. To add to the mix, I woke up around 5am with a splitting headache so sleeping in would have definitely done some good for the headache. But there was no sleeping in for me.
I was in desperate need for a nap after watching my 2 1/2 year old niece from around 8am until 3:45pm, when my father took over child-watching duties and my mom said "Go lay down!" I slept for 1 1/2 hours. My head still hurt, but not like it had before. And I did feel refreshed.
I am a huge proponent of naps. As a regular migraine sufferer, naps are extremely beneficial for me. There are times my head hurts so much my body doesn't want me to do anything else but sleep. And these naps, be it 20 minutes or an hour, usually do great good for my head. I never wake up completely free of the headache, but the pain has dulled down to a point where I can basically forget about them.
I also find naps helpful when I am making the transition to covering 3rd shift hours at work. Typically I stay up as late as I can before a 3rd shift night, that way I'll sleep 8-9 hours straight during the day and have no problem with covering an off-hours shift. But I've found that it is harder and harder for me to stay up as late as I can to prepare for 3rd shift without taking a short nap first. The nap usually occurs between 11pm-1am and then I'm good to stay up until 5am. I go to sleep and I'll sleep until 1-2pm.
Yes, naps definitely have their benefits.
But, there is a drawback to naps for me sometimes.
Like my 1 1/2 hour nap Saturday. I took it in the late afternoon to early evening. And when I woke up, I was refreshed. But when I went to bed so I could sleep before having to get up early to preach a sermon I found I had a problem.
I.
Could.
Not.
Sleep.
Nope. Not at all. It was around 2am when I finally fell asleep and woke up 4 1/2 hours later. Surprisingly I made it through the day without feeling tired or even without coffee! But I was seriously stressed that the fatigue would get the best of me.
Obviously I am not saying I will never nap again. But maybe next time I need to plan my nap better.
I was in desperate need for a nap after watching my 2 1/2 year old niece from around 8am until 3:45pm, when my father took over child-watching duties and my mom said "Go lay down!" I slept for 1 1/2 hours. My head still hurt, but not like it had before. And I did feel refreshed.
I am a huge proponent of naps. As a regular migraine sufferer, naps are extremely beneficial for me. There are times my head hurts so much my body doesn't want me to do anything else but sleep. And these naps, be it 20 minutes or an hour, usually do great good for my head. I never wake up completely free of the headache, but the pain has dulled down to a point where I can basically forget about them.
I also find naps helpful when I am making the transition to covering 3rd shift hours at work. Typically I stay up as late as I can before a 3rd shift night, that way I'll sleep 8-9 hours straight during the day and have no problem with covering an off-hours shift. But I've found that it is harder and harder for me to stay up as late as I can to prepare for 3rd shift without taking a short nap first. The nap usually occurs between 11pm-1am and then I'm good to stay up until 5am. I go to sleep and I'll sleep until 1-2pm.
Yes, naps definitely have their benefits.
But, there is a drawback to naps for me sometimes.
Like my 1 1/2 hour nap Saturday. I took it in the late afternoon to early evening. And when I woke up, I was refreshed. But when I went to bed so I could sleep before having to get up early to preach a sermon I found I had a problem.
I.
Could.
Not.
Sleep.
Nope. Not at all. It was around 2am when I finally fell asleep and woke up 4 1/2 hours later. Surprisingly I made it through the day without feeling tired or even without coffee! But I was seriously stressed that the fatigue would get the best of me.
Obviously I am not saying I will never nap again. But maybe next time I need to plan my nap better.
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