Merging is a New Journey - A Hard Day

De-consecrated & Lights Out

Saturday, July 11th was officially the closing and de-consecration service for the United Methodist Church of Wappingers.  It was full of varying emotions.  Joy to be back in the building.  Glad to see church family members (both old and new) again.  Sadness as the sanctuary went from being a holy place to worship God to just another part of a huge building.  Wondering if I could have done more to prevent this from happening.  Fear as I drove to a new place.  A sense of welcoming when someone greeted us as we pulled into the driveway of the church, waving with a huge smile on their face.  Laughter when Pastor George finally wound up taking the wireless microphone with him (it only took a year and a half).  Learning how to be "just a member" once again with no responsibilities except to sit, listen, and learn.

I had nightmares for two days of everything that could have gone wrong on that day.  The computer wouldn't work (it hadn't been touched in 4 months).  The projector wouldn't work (again, 4 months since we used it).  The slide show of photos wouldn't be allowed to be shown.  My phone battery would die during the live stream.  None of that came to fruition.

When I took some of the photos during the course of two services, there was no emotion tied to them.  The picture at the top of this blog entry was not one of those photos.  It was taken after the church had been de-consecrated, everyone had left the sanctuary, everything was shut down, and I turned the lights out.  I have taken that particular view of the sanctuary many times.  But never with the candles and Bible removed.  And never with the lights out.  It was the last photo I took at the United Methodist Church of Wappingers.

Saturday was a very hard day.  Sunday was also a bit hard.

Sunday was the first time I attended in-church worship at Poughkeepsie, my new church home.  The in-church service was at 8:30am.  No, it wasn't the early time that made it hard.  I woke up at my usual "going in to work" time, which also became my "going to church and getting everything ready" time for the last two years.  We left the house at the same "going to church and getting everything ready" time.  But, it was attending a Sunday service, where I had no responsibility.  I didn't have to get a computer going and a presentation viewing.  I didn't have to run a sound system.  I didn't have to fill candles with oil.  And I didn't have to clean out a candle lighter, which became almost a weekly task.

But it was a bit hard in that I am still trying to learn to "rest."  And Sunday I just had to go to church to learn.  Sure, it was different because of the restrictions to keep people safe as we struggle through COVID-19.  But, I am still finding it difficult to rest.  To feel like it is okay to rest.  I am sure I will get it.  Eventually.  (Though first I have to cover a couple Sundays for Beacon before I fully begin my life as a PUMC member.)

I know there is more to come.  I know there are great things God has planned for me.  And, in order to get there, you have to go through the hard things first.  And, so I shall.  And know that God is in charge.

Merging is a New Journey - Repurposed

Getting Repurposed

We are still winding down, we think.  There are always last-minute things to take care of.  To finalize.  To be sure everything is okay for what we have planned.

But on my mind lately is how things are being repurposed.

This picture is a dress I had bought with the full intention of wearing it on Easter Sunday, because by then we would be attending a new church and it probably would be nice to dress up for Easter.  But COVID-19 happened and the dress sat in a bag, unworn.  It is now being repurposed as my Closing Service dress.

I, too, am being repurposed.  For so long, my church identity lay in the various roles I held within the church.  A lot of the roles came as a result of my position as Lay Leader.  But others I had for other reasons.  Like Financial Secretary, Liturgist, Runner of Technology, Cleaner of the Candle Lighter, and Lay Servant with Preaching.  Okay...that last one isn't going away.  But most of those other reasons.  I was appointed into them.  I inherited them.  I took them on because they needed to be done.

But now I am being repurposed.  What will my repurposed role be?  I am honestly not sure.  For a time, all I wanted to do was really rest and learn from Sunday services online.  But then soon, part of my working nature kept saying to me, "You know, you could do something.  You could easily make a video of yourself reading Scripture.  You could offer to sing something.  You could offer to help where it was needed." And then, the need to step back and rest would fill my head...because I was a little afraid of being repurposed.

What's that saying?  One person's trash is another person's treasure?  Not that I am trash.  But, at least how I am considering it now, it is a statement about stuff sold at a Garage Sale, Yard Sale, or "Trash and Treasure" Sale winds up being repurposed and becoming something else.  I need to allow myself to be repurposed, just like my Easter/Closing Service dress.

And so, on this last post before our Closing Service (we think), I am willing to allow myself to be repurposed for God's will in my new life as a member of Poughkeepsie UMC.

Merging is a New Journey - The End is Near (really)

Me - Christmas Eve 2019

In mid-March life for those of us in New York changed quite a bit.  Our state went into what was called "PAUSE" which would begin on a Sunday evening, while simultaneously, churches were told to not meet in person days prior to the official start of PAUSE.

What did that mean for the UMC of Wappingers?  It meant we, too, had to PAUSE our plans for a closing service.

In a sense, we had put much of the anxiety of closing behind us.  We already had a nice last Sunday worship service (at the end of which I cried, even during singing my favorite hymn of all time).  We had a great meal together.  We were ready to become part of a new church family.

But then, we had to PAUSE.  And though there was nothing we could do about it, we still had a familiar space to say good bye to.  We had a way of doing things to say good bye to.  But, for me, though there was a lot of confusion, a feeling of being constantly in flux, and a loss of church identity...there was also this sense that I was still a member of Wappingers.  I knew stuff was working in the background.  But it kind of got pushed out of my mind for a time.

Until now, when we have a (tentative) closing service date yet again, in just about a week.  And all the feelings of anxiety, stress, and sadness return.

I know the building is just a building and the church is so much more than that.  People come and go, and church is so much more than that.  I don't want to hold onto the memories of times past to go back to those times.  But rather, because there was a lot to learn from those memories.  There were happy memories, sad ones, confusing ones, hurtful ones, growing ones, and learning ones.  In the quiet times my brain fills with things and my emotion runs over.

There are times I feel I failed as a leader.  But, knowing the times we are coming out of, I know that we are headed in the right direction and now it is time for me to lead in a different way.

The end is near.  But the beginning is just around the corner.