Thursday Thoughts - 2020 Blessings

 If you ask most people, you probably would not hear the year "2020" combined with the word "blessings."  Granted, it was a hard, tough year.  I'm currently writing this as I am slowly recovering from probably the worst headache/migraine in all of 2020, including the horrific one Christmas morning.

But, I wanted to spend some time thinking of all the good that happened in 2020.

The pandemic was really bad.  Having to be separated from people, even as an introvert, was not the most fun thing.  But being stuck home for months did have some positive things going for it.

Sparkle tells me it's time to stop work (3/2020)

My job was pretty easy to transition to remote work.  There are visual and physical aspects of my job that did require an on-site presence.  I had a great team of students to help with that while I was home.  But for months, I had my constant companion Sparkle by my side while I worked.  She would wake and want to go out when I needed a break.  She would snuggle when I was stressed.  She would lean on my arm when it was 5pm and time to stop work.  I got to sleep in a bit and wear comfortable clothes.  And I had a job, which I know others couldn't say.

Jessica and I at Perkins (3/2020)

It was a time of transition, as our church in Wappingers prepared to merge with Poughkeepsie UMC.  We did have to wait months for this to complete, due to the pandemic.  BUT!  Before that, we got to spend a meal together with the faithful remnant which was full of laughter and good food.  The fact that we did that a week before things went crazy is a blessing to me.

The sign my sister had made (5/2020)

In the midst of a pandemic, working from home, and not having the usual resources available to me, I completed my 3rd Master's Degree, an MBA.  Though there was no ceremony to celebrate the accomplishment, I took the day off to enjoy what would have been my graduation day.  I received flowers from my bosses, this sign from my sister, and she also arranged a "card shower" from family and friends.

On a hike with Jessica and Anastasia (7/2020)

I got outside more in 2020.  I went on typically easy hikes alone or with my family.  I've been to Locust Grove's trails a few times, we attempted a trail at Bowdoin Park that turned out to be quite confusing and hard, went to the Walkway Over the Hudson, and I even took walks around my neighborhood.  I would not say I am an expert hiker nor one who likes super rocky climbs/paths.  But I do like to get outdoors more for walks.

My bestie Jess and I finally got to Bannerman's Island, after passing it on two trips to New York Comic Con in the summer.  It actually was one of the better times to go, because of social distancing, not as many people were allowed on the boat and thus not as many people on the island.

The day after the merger (7/2020)

Our merger finally did happen in July, 2020.  A sad time that has led to so many blessings.  I've written about them before, so I won't go into it again.  But while it was a time that I was apprehensive about, it has truly been one of the great blessings of 2020.

Outdoor worship (10/2020)

I experienced socially distant outdoor worship, which I hadn't done in a long time.  I seem to remember a summer outdoor service somewhere, when my family first attended Wappingers, but that tradition seemed to go away.  I think, though, because more people are comfortable coming to an outdoor space for worship in this time, we will see more of this.  And I am looking forward to it!

By the Marist Tree (12/2020)

The Marist Tree again lit up like a beacon of hope.  There was a virtual tree lighting ceremony instead of everyone gathering.  But, even in the midst of things being cancelled or change in light of everything going on, knowing that this tradition of lighting this tree with so many lights continues on, gives me a sense of hope for the future.

Pastor Jody preaches in the rain and wind on Christmas Eve (12/2020)

Christmas Eve was not the day I expected.  It was windy in the morning and I wound up singing.  It was windy and rainy at night and I got soaked but it was such a wonderful experience.  And it was just what I needed.

And that is not to mention being able to reconnect with my friends from high school through weekly Zoom chats, being able to be with my family through the pandemic where others were not, starting new adventures, making new friends, seeing my bestie Jess finish her Master's Degree, watching Anastasia grow and do well in school even though she is not a fan of virtual learning, learning new worship songs, rediscovering my love of music, a stronger faith in God, and many other things.

Yes, 2020 had an overabundance of bad news and bad things happening.

But for me, there were many blessings too.

Happy New Year!

Merging is a New Journey - I Belong (and it feels right)

I am an introverted person.  When I get to know you, I'm comfortable around you.  But, making new friends or even acquaintances is very hard for me.  I'm not one to just walk up to someone and say something.

So imagine being an introverted person being brought into a larger church or even a new church with only knowing a handful of people...which was what I was brought into mid-July.  I was polite to everyone, but wasn't able to connect with anyone, except the handful of people I knew already.

It was a scary place to be.  Not scary as in I didn't want to be there.  But just scary as in it was totally out of my comfort zone.  That was until mid-October.

I had been part of a small group for a few weeks and our leader, Dale, was planning the Laity Sunday service.  He asked me if I would want to participate.  I said I just really wanted to take a break and watch everyone else.  Almost a week later, he sent me a text asking if I would be willing to sing for the service.  I blogged about that experience the day after Laity Sunday so I won't go into everything.  But I firmly believe from that moment on, something awoke in me that changed me.  Of course, I had to get through the rehearsal first, which had my introvertedness on overdrive.  (Long story!)

Though I still consider myself an introvert, I would say that I am coming out of that shell more and more as I do more at church.  

Selfie with Poinsettias at PUMC 12/24/2020

So, like the above picture, I felt comfortable taking (after asking permission to take photos) this selfie to show how far I have come from last year at the same time.  I talk to people more.  I ask questions of some people more.  I'm getting more involved in worship when asked.  I'm doing more within the church.  And I have found that it feels not like I am someone new but rather as someone who has been a member for awhile and being involved in things like I did before.

A couple Sundays ago after participating in the virtual worship service, we were talking about this after church.  I finally feel like I belong.  I know I belonged before.  But, as I said, something changed inside me that turned a switch on to make me a bit braver, bolder, and more open to what is ahead.

As I sit writing this now lengthy blog entry, I wanted to say thank to you to everyone at PUMC who contributed to this.  The names and groups below are by no means the entirety of everyone, but it is a list of those at the top of my head now.

Thank you to Dale who pulled me out of the pew (where I thought I was find and happy) and into doing stuff.  

Thank you to Polly and Stephen who, through their music, got me out of a very dark and sad place.  I came to the realization yesterday that it was almost like I was dead inside, spiritually, emotionally, and musically.  Being able to hear you both on a weekly basis now has healed me.

Thank you to my small group members (Dale, Beth, Sandy P., Sandy H., Patty, and Duane...I hope I got her name spelling right!) for accepting me for who I am and welcoming me in like I had been part of the group from the beginning.  

Thank you to those who I have been in worship with in music and word for being such bright lights, an encouraging presence, and great people that I have gotten to know.

Thank you to Pam who would always check in on our family once we were in PAUSE.  

Thank you to Kaye who has always been so welcoming, in fact, since before the merger because I am sure I've seen you at many district events I was at.  (Plus, were you the one greeting us under an umbrella in July when we pulled into the driveway?  If so, you really helped me out!)

Thank you to Crystal, who also welcomed me like she has known me for as long as she and Pastor Jody have been part of the PUMC church.  

Thank you to Pastor Jody for continuing to keep me involved and being such a great pastor with messages I need to hear, that I have learned a lot from, and that I continue to enjoy.

And to all those names or groups I have forgotten, THANK YOU!

The fully lit Advent wreath - 12/24/2020

The year 2021 will be a very exciting one for me at church, I am sure.  And I can't wait for what is ahead.

Thursday Thoughts - The Fastest & Slowest Year

A few years ago I wrote a sermon entitled "The Fastest Year" which was a take on a title of an episode of ER.  A character talks about how some years go by so fast and others seem to go so slow.  The time between Christmas Eve 2019 and 2020 has experienced both going so fast and yet so slow.

Joy - in Christmas Bows; Christmas Eve 2020

Obviously the one reason we can say this year has gone so slowly is due to COVID-19.  Being in a state of "pause" for so long made days blend together and time, at least for me, to go slowly.  In the midst of all this was, of course, our church merger which was also put on pause for 4 months.  After racing through Christmas Eve and the 2 1/2 months that followed, it seemed that things were going so fast...and then they stopped and went slow once again.

Christmas (and Christmas Eve) comes and goes each year.  The year starts and it seems so far away.  But then before you know it, it is here.

Last Christmas Eve was definitely an emotional one.  The last one in a place I had known for so long.  It seemed a bit strange because for most of the Christmas Eve's, we had been at a family gathering.  But the past two Christmas Eves, we were home so I attended church.  Singing Silent Night in the dark with candles really got to me.  There were tears while I looked at my candle, while I looked at my sister with her candle, and then all the candles around the sanctuary.  They didn't last long as we then closed with Joy to the World and my sister and I sang in great harmony together.

My candle; Christmas Eve 2019

All of a sudden, it is Christmas Eve again.  And it certainly has not been anything that I expected.  It came so quickly, yet it seems like it has been so long since I last celebrated the day, sang the songs, and saw the candles.

It has been a different experience already.  And one I have been very blessed by.  I am looking forward to the remaining services today, the one I am assisting with and the one I will be attending with my sister.

I was kind of apprehensive about today.  Not because of all the things I had left to do.  But because I wasn't sure how I would react to having a huge celebratory day at church in a church that in a way is still new to me (but in other ways, is not).  But I am so very glad God saw it fit for today to be the way it has to show me I had nothing to be apprehensive about.

Merry Christmas!

Merging is a New Journey - Long Days! (Happy Memories Part 6)

There were some Sundays at Wappingers that were long days.  Though the long days were, well, long, they were also good days.  I was reminded of this when I had my first long day at PUMC, with rehearsing for worship followed by worship followed by recording a song with my sister for Christmas Eve, followed by a vocal break while another song for Christmas Eve was recorded, followed by recording 2 more songs for Christmas Eve with a group.  All said and done, I was at church for about 4 hours or so.  And it felt almost normal...or as normal as one can get now.

Sometimes long days were for Advent preparation

Long days at Wappingers are filled with so many happy memories.

These long days could take many forms.  Sometimes it was arriving to prepare to teach Sunday School, followed by worship, followed by a meeting afterwards or assisting with counting the day's offering.  Or arriving early to make sure the sanctuary was ready for church, followed by church, followed by Advent decorating, followed by counting the offering.  Or arriving early to make sure the sanctuary was ready, followed by church, followed by a lengthy Round Table meeting/discussion, followed by counting the offering.  (I arrived at church early a lot it seems!)

For sure there were also short days.  But the long days, though they were long, also were full of great memories.  Time with different people in the church.  Laughter at a meeting or while decorating.  Seeing the transformation of the sanctuary.  Pictures to share.  Memories to remember.

Another long day at Wappingers was almost a year ago, at Christmas Eve.  When I arrived early to be able to get some really great pictures before the sanctuary started to fill with whoever came to the service.  When I was able to practice and sing with the choir for the last time.  I got a selfie of me with the poinsettias, for the last time.  I have shared that particular photo before so I didn't want to repeat them...but that might have been one of the last long days I had...because though we were small, that last Christmas Eve had to be special.  And it was.  I'll have a different type of long day this Christmas Eve, attending multiple services at different times not because I have to but because I can.  And I am looking forward to the new memories I will be making.

Thursday Thoughts - I miss these naps

I used to have a magical power.  I was able to get Anastasia to sleep.  Or at least take naps.

Nap Time could be anywhere (Dec. 2016)

Weekends were made for naps.  When I would take care of Anastasia, and even sometimes when I wasn't, I was somehow able to convince her that it was time for a nap.  At home, we would sit together on the couch or she would lay on the couch.  And then I would tell her to close her eyes and I would close my eyes, and eventually we would both nap.  Her nap was usually much longer than mine.  But, there was always something very invigorating about even my short 10-20 minute nap while she took an hour (or longer) nap.

Eventually I was able to get her to nap in places that were not at home.  Like the picture above.  Or at church.  Or while walking around with her.  Home was always easier.  But, I did enjoy the times like the picture where we were somewhere else and she just went to sleep.

These are the naps that I miss though.

Now when I nap, it is like an hour or longer and I feel like I wasted part of my day.  Sometimes they are necessary naps, like when I have a migraine.  But since I usually only nap on the weekends, and my weekends are the time when I can relax and do fun things like knitting, crocheting, or reading.  So it is an hour less of doing that.

The naps I had with Anastasia were by far shorter.  They did what the long naps did...only with less time.  So I miss those naps.  And I miss the naps when Anastasia was small and was able to fit on my lap for a nap.  I miss being able to get her to nap too.

Merging is a New Journey - Candle Candle! (Happy Memories Part 5)

 

So many memories, so many topics one could discuss.  But thanks to the organist at PUMC (Thanks Stephen!!), I was able to focus in on a specific memory for this week.

The Advent Song!

For so many years, as I am sure other churches have done, after the Advent candle was lit each week, there was the singing of a verse (or more) of "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel."  However, when Pastor Dorsey was appointed to our church, she introduced us to The Advent Song (see image), found in The Faith We Sing page 2090.  Each week we would either sing the verse that went with the candle being lit, or we would sing the first verse week one, verses 1 and 2 on week two, and so on.

However, the refrain was sung every week, whether we sang one verse or more than one verse.  "Candle, candle, burning bright, shining in the cold winter night.  Candle, candle burning bright, fill our hearts with Christmas light."

It kind of gets stuck in your head.  But it is such a pretty song and it was a welcome change.  Not that "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel" is a bad song.  But it is nice to be able to use that as a hymn and have something else for candle lighting.

In our family, we call the song "Candle Candle" because one day when we were out to dinner or something, when Anastasia was little, she suddenly started randomly singing, "Caaandle, Caaandle..."

So yesterday, while we were doing virtual worship, the Advent reading was pre-recorded and the pastor lit the candles (3 of them).  And while that was going on, the Advent Song was playing.  I immediately sent a message to my sister:

CANDLE CANDLE

It was such a joy to hear that song again.  It has been a couple years since we last heard it.  But it brought back such great memories.  Of Advent.  Of the church at Christmas.  Of red ribbons and white ribbons.  Of greens.  Of filling the advent candles with oil.  Of lighting the candles.  Of taking pictures week after week to use the images of the candles lit for Facebook.  Of how pretty the church was at Christmas.  Of Chrismon ornaments, ones that were made a long time ago by my dad when he taught Sunday School and new when one was made in honor of Anastasia.  Of all the candles lit on Christmas Eve.  Of singing Advent and Christmas hymns.  Of celebrating Christ's birth.

CANDLE!  CANDLE!

Thursday Thoughts - A lot of times I get it WRONG

 I had several ideas come to my mind for today's Thursday Thoughts.  I thought about writing a post about 2020, but that will be more suitable in 3 weeks (December 31st).  I've already written about music a lot.  I'm trying to stay away from church-related posts to save those for my Monday series.

What a pretty sky... 11/19/2020

So I got to thinking how a lot of the time, I get things wrong.  Very wrong.  WAAAAY WRONG!

Don't worry.  The picture I shared isn't an example of getting things wrong.  I just like to share photos because, well, they make my copied blog posts look nicer!  And, I think that is a time when I got the picture pretty okay.  Maybe not right.  But definitely not wrong!

I mostly get things WAAAAY WRONG when it comes to people.

I have a hard time figuring out when I meet people if they are nice or not.  If they are possessive or not.  If they are mean or not.  If they are real or not.  And yes, if it is a guy, if they would be interested in me or not.

I have gotten it wrong a lot of the time.

A. LOT. OF. THE. TIME.

Which results in me hurting a lot of the time.

It feels like the older I get, the harder it is to figure it all out.

I didn't have a ton of friends in school (any grade or level).  But the people I got to know who became my friends I could tell right away that they were true to how I encountered them.

But as I got older, it seemed to be harder to tell from first impressions.

There are notable exceptions.  My bestie Jess is like my twin.  We have so many of the same likes and dislikes.  Strangely enough through different means, we also have some of the same friendship circles.  And, back in times when it wasn't so strange to think about taking a train down to NYC, it was so nice to finally find someone who was like me...HATES TO RUSH TO THE TRAIN.  We both would rather have the time to eat something and then walk down and wait for the train to open so we have easy choice of seats then run through Grand Central and hope to find seats together going the right direction.

But, I was engaged to someone who I thought was nice, accepted me for who I was, and I would be happy with.  Totally did NOT see the possessive side where I couldn't do anything on my own and where I lost myself.  Also did not see the "I have to show off how smart I am and you are just so dumb" side either.

I liked someone who turned out to be really mean.  And here's the kicker.  It wasn't until just recently when I put things together and realized how mean this person was to me. 

Because, a lot of times I get it WRONG.

Unfortunately, however, that has put me in this very strange place as I am meeting more and more new people.  I like to think the best of people upon first meeting them.  And, I'd say about 99% of the time, that is the best way to go about it.  And so far, I have been right...at least as far as I can tell.  It's the 1% that I am worried about.

But I think the point is, sometimes we all get it wrong.  It just depends on how we handle it when we find out.  It is okay to be wrong because no one is right all the time. And I think I need to remind myself of that, because when I get it wrong, I really (REALLY) beat myself up over it.  Like the example above about the mean person.  I have really come down on myself for it, mostly because I didn't realize it sooner.

So...here's hoping that my discernment track record has improved (or will improve)...and while I will still get it wrong, maybe it won't be as often as it has in the past.

Merging is a New Journey - Happy Thoughts Part 4 (Souper Sunday!)

It's cold today.  And all during church yesterday so many different thoughts about today's blog entry went through my head.  But it was really cold today and it made me think, what is better on a cold day than a nice bowl of soup?  Which then got me remembering Souper Sunday.

Probably one of the last Souper Sunday Spreads

So, what is Souper Sunday?

For us, it was the first day of Sunday School after the summer break, typically the second Sunday of September.  Teachers and students were in early for their first day.  We would have worship service.  And then, as Methodists do, after service we would eat.  Oh, yes.  And for those who didn't like to come to service at 9:30am as we had been doing all summer, this was the day we went back to 11am service (Sunday School was at 9:30am).

We would have homemade soups, sandwiches (cut in halves or quarters), the best punch ever, and to end the meal, make-your-own sundaes.

It was a great time of fellowship.  Of course, good food.  And just a really fun day all around.

Over time, as with everything it seems, it got harder and harder to get kids (of any age) in Sunday School, volunteers to make soup, sandwiches, or pick up the sundae supplies from Stewart's.  So we had to ask ourselves, "Why are we doing this?"  Was it tradition?  Why had we always done it that way?  Had it lost its meaning?

As someone who participated first as a student returning to Sunday School, later as a teacher of Sunday School, and even as a congregation member, I obviously did have great times having this food after the worship service.  (Favorites being ANYONE who made an egg salad sandwich!)  So even though there were times we struggled to get help with the planning and the event itself (speaking as a former Worship chairperson who had to do the planning), I have more happy memories of this time than sad ones.

A good memory and a good event that eventually went away as things got smaller...but a memory I haven't thought about in a long time.  So I'm happy to have reflected on it today.

Thursday Thoughts - Peppermint Obsessed

 "Aunt Jenn, why do you like mint so much?" -Anastasia

A bag that stays with me

So, I have always loved mint flavors.  My favorite growing up was spearmint, and I still do like that.  But I have really grown to love peppermint.  And wintergreen is okay too.  If it is minty, I love it.  To the point where if I see something that is new and it is mint, I have to try it!

This time of year is great for me because there IS SO MUCH MINT!  Like everywhere there is mint!  Mint M&M's, Minty Candy Canes, Peppermint Bark, Peppermint Mocha coffee flavoring, mint-scented candles, Twisted Peppermint from Bath & Bodyworks, and I could go on and on.  While everyone obsesses over the Pumpkin Spice, I want to fast forward through that time and get right to the Peppermint.

Anastasia, however, hates mint.  This came to light in a hilarious moment a few years ago when I was eating Mint M&M's.  She is very good at getting people to share with her, especially if it is a sweet treat.  So, I shared half a serving of my minty M&M's with her one night after dinner.  And you should have seen the face she was making as she was eating them.  I asked her, "Is everything okay?  Do you like them?"  She says, "Yeah..." while still making an awful face while eating them.  I say, "Are you sure?  You won't hurt my feelings if you don't like them."  Her response?  "No Aunt Jenn, I don't like them.  I don't think I like mint."  At the time she didn't know how to read, so if we didn't want her to bug us for something, we would tell her it was mint.  Package of cookies?  They are mint!  Candy?  It is minty!  She can read now so we can't do that.  But, she has also grown to like the smell of mint, but not really the taste.

But me?  I am a HUGE mint fan. I always have been and I am sure always will be.

However, it got me to think about why exactly I was a fan of mint, especially over the past couple years, of peppermint specifically.

Peppermint has a ton of uses and can be considered a remedy for many things.  Just do a Google search on "uses for peppermint" and you will find a lot.  For me, it helps a lot with my migraines...both making the pain slightly tolerable but more importantly, handling the nausea that comes with them.  It is also a soothing smell and relaxes me a bit when I am randomly nervous.  And, well, it just tastes good!

Mint just makes me happy.  And I don't know if that is a good enough answer for why I like mint so much.  But it is the answer that I have.

Merging is a New Journey - Happy Memories Part 3 (aka There is a tree!)

 So, first week of Advent in a new place.

Wasn't sure what to expect or how I would react since I have been known to be an emotional crazy person lately.  (Says the girl crying at organ postludes.)

Amazingly, I kept most of my emotions in check.  (Though I think some are starting to show more...in church and outside of church...)

Anyway...

UMC of Wappingers; Advent 2019

 
This is the view I have known for so many (many) years at Advent.  Well, mostly.  For those familiar with the Wappingers sanctuary at Advent and Christmas, you will know that usually in the right-hand side there was also a Chrismon Tree, which is absent here.  The huge tree (12 feet high) is missing because it became difficult to assemble for the few that remained.  So, last year, there was no tree.  I feel like the sanctuary still looked nice, but people missed the tree.  However, for those of us who were there, it would have been difficult to put together so while it was missed, it was something that did need to go based on person-power.

Fast forward to 2020.  I know, most people would want to fast forward through 2020.  But, we don't have that luxury.

PUMC: Advent 2020

There is a tree!  A statement I made that Anastasia keeps repeating.  And I think she is very glad to have a tree this year.  Plus it doesn't seem as massive as the tree we had.  (By the way, I took this photo and a few others between the service and the start of the State of the Church time so I didn't look like the crazy photo-taker when people were doing things up front.)

Advent continues on, whether there is a tree in the sanctuary or not.  But, I am glad to not have gotten the ton of scratches from fluffing artificial tree and garland branches.  Advent continues on, even with being in a new place for this season and potential changes in things coming.  I look forward to the remaining time of Advent, and I am trying not to be too anxious because that kind of defeats the purpose of waiting with Hope, Peace, Love, and Joy.

Thursday Thoughts - Thankfulness

 

A break between turkey prep and the rest of dinner prep - Thanksgiving 2020

Today is Thanksgiving.  And I thought for today's blog entry, I'd talk about some of the things I am thankful for.

• Being able to have such faith in God and knowing that I am loved no matter what.
  
• Family & friends - those near and far, those I have stayed connected with and those I have reconnected with.
• A roof over my head, food to eat, a bed to sleep in, places to sit, clothes to wear, a car to get to and from work, and so many other things like that.
• A job that remained steady even during the midst of the pandemic and bosses who I work well with and am grateful for every day.
• My pup Sparkle, though she doesn't let me rest in the evening and I spend more time outside in the cold with her than inside - especially in the fall/winter.
• My increasing cooking ability.
• My church family, as it started in 2020 and how it is now in 2020.
• The musicians at PUMC for igniting my love of music, especially organ music, once again.
• Feelings that make me happy and nervous at the same time.
• Laughing.
• Singing.
• Smiling.
• Being able to sit with a good book or a yarn project (crochet or knit).
• Getting out more for hikes/walks.
  
• And being able to share some of what I am thankful for in a blog post.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving...and though today is a day when some people typically focus on what they are thankful for, it is also something we should remember every day.

Merging is a New Journey - Happy Memories (Part 2)

During my time in choir at WUMC, I learned a very strange thing, which is also a happy memory.

I like to sing in other languages.

I'm not sure anyone else really liked it though.

Every once and awhile we would sing a single song that had words that were hard to pronounce.  But there was a point in time where we got to sing some really fun (according to me) pieces like Vivaldi's Gloria and Benjamin Britten's Ceremony of Carols.

Gloria was written in Latin.  Ceremony of Carols was written in mostly Middle English.  Both difficult to learn.  Both things I really, really enjoyed learning and singing.

It opened my eyes (and ears) to music that I probably would not have otherwise known or cared about.  And in this time of rediscovering music that I love, I'm also finding copies of these pieces I haven't thought much about or even sung in so many years.

I know that there were times when my fellow choir members struggled learning the words, especially the Middle English.  (I was pretty good at it because by then I had read through some of Chaucer's work in Middle English already so I was familiar with how things were said.)  But we got through it and made the music sing.  OH!  And we did Ceremony of Carols accompanied by a HARP!  Which was really cool.

Many of my happy memories are those surrounding music, as you could probably tell.  Though those times long faded away and my time in choir came to an end as I wound up doing other things, I was blessed by that time of fellowship and song.  And maybe someday in the future I will have that again.

The Chrismon Tree - WUMC Advent 2014

P.S. - I can't forget Rutter's Requiem which combines Latin and English!  Also another good piece!

Thursday Thoughts - Thank You Friends!

 Last week I wrote what I thought was a heart-felt blog entry about how I was feeling about my own life related to Hallmark Christmas movies.  It felt good for me to write it, especially with some of the stuff that has been running around in my head, especially as I sleep (or try to sleep).

I felt like I wasn't getting any traction on that entry, or any of the other entries I have been making to this blog.  I mean, I'm not writing to get thousands of hits or hundreds of comments either on the blog itself or anywhere else where the blog is posted.  But, it seemed instead I got nothing.  So I stated the following, "Sometimes I wonder if anyone cares about the words I write....and if it is even worth it to share what may be on other people's minds too......Or it isn't because I'm the only one with those thoughts and I just write them for myself...."

I wasn't saying it for people to feel sorry for me and comment.  I just was truly feeling frustrated because it seems some people on my friends list get great responses but if I said or did the same exact thing, I'd get nothing or be told "You need to be better than that" (which I have been told before when it comes to personal things).

And to be honest, I actually didn't think anyone would say or do anything with the comment because I post so many pictures and share things and make statements that don't get comments or "likes" I figured this would be another one of those posts.

But my friends surprised me.  I had several comments.  I had such love on that post.  I had people reach out individually to support me and make sure I was okay.

My friends, I am so grateful for what you mean to me.  I am grateful that you took the time to read my post, or look at a picture, or read a blog entry.  I am so blessed to have you in my life.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I will still be me and still post when I want to post and continue series even when people think I should stop.  But this experience has also taught me to be more cognizant of my own friends posts and make sure I try to comment or express a like (or a laugh or a love or a care or whatever other emotion there is) on their posts.

Sunrise at the Underpass - Marist College - July, 2017

Merging is a New Journey - Happy Memories (Part 1)

 I thought to continue the series I would take a trip down my own personal memory lane.

There was an annual tradition at Wappingers, which in reality was a bit out of season.  But, I'm seasonally confused, so who I was I to argue?  Anyway, from the very start of my family's attending church, every year on the day of the Sr. Choir cantata, for the end of the service as a sung benediction, we always sang Handel's "Hallelujah Chorus."  Everyone from the congregation was invited to go up and sing and I have such great memories of this time.

Even before I started singing with the Sr. Choir, I went up to be part of this.  The first time because I think someone encouraged me to go up.  But times after that I went up because it was such a fun thing to do.  A lot of people just went up to sing, not because they sang in professional groups but because it was a time of fellowship through music.  Some people who are purists may think it is terrible to get a bunch of people together who hadn't practiced the song together to sing it.  But, you know, "Let everything that breathes praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!" - Psalm 150:6 (NRSV)

The trick was having whoever was playing the song play it at the right tempo so that the song didn't start to drag.  This was easier to do on the piano, but with so many people at times singing, it was hard to hear the music.  The organ was louder, but you had to be able to play the song slightly faster than you thought was appropriate because there was a bit of a delay between the keys being played and the sound coming out of the pipes.  I always preferred the organ because it sounded better, but that was where the song got draggy depending on who was playing.

However, over time, this tradition faded away.  At first the choir got smaller.  And then the people willing to come up to sing got smaller.  Then the choir stopped doing cantatas and the tradition faded away.  It is kind of hard to sing that song without having some representation of all 4 parts at the same time.

Though there is a bit of sadness, I prefer to remember all the good times associated with the song.  As a kid, it was one of my earliest forays into reading music written for 4 parts at the same time, plus accompaniment.  It was an early appreciation for classical music and Handel's Messiah as a whole.  It was a fun time singing with so many different people in church, of all ages.  It helped when we sang it one year in high school chorus because I had sung it with choir so many times I already had it memorized.  (But it was because of high school chorus I learned easier ways to sing the words which I continued to use in church - Thanks Polly!!)  I found over time I liked to bounce back and forth between the soprano and alto parts.  It became one of the first songs I sang lots of high notes and learned I could do that (before I broke my voice, which I am working on restoring).  

Maybe the fact that we let such a tradition fade as it did was a sign of things to come.  Or maybe it was just a sign of change.  The memories I have, amazingly, do not make me sad.  But they have been coming back as I have been listening to more and more of that type of music.  Plus PUMC's version that was used for an Easter service is on my "Listening Videos" playlist on YouTube, so I've been hearing it often.

Stay tuned...next week I think I'll talk about Happy Memories with singing songs that weren't in English.

Best Song Ever - The Last Congregationally Song Sung at WUMC in March, 2020

Thursday Thoughts - Why No Hope for Me Hallmark Christmas Movies?

 

Me with my 1st Peppermint Mocha of the Season

 

That is me.  I have gotten braver with the selfies.  I used to hate them and would only post them when they included someone else (usually my niece) because who is going to throw shade at a picture of me with a cute kid?  But that is what I look like.

The Hallmark Christmas movies are on again and they are a staple in our house when we aren't watching local news, Jeopardy, or Wheel of Fortune.  Some movies we have seen so many times we know the plots forward and backward and make jokes through the entire movie (I'm looking at you Christmas Card!).   Some movies I get angry with because people do things that just bother me (yes, any time someone looks at someone else's mobile device to find something out is a terrible plot line.)

I feel one of the points of the movies is to provide hope.  Hope at Christmas. Hope for happiness.  Hope for love.  But, it seems to be hope for only two specific groups of people, good looking guys and pretty looking females.  No hope for someone who looks like me.

I specify "who looks like me" because many of the female stars who are used each year in movies are around the same age as me.  So, yes there is hope for 40-something females.  But none who look like me.

So Hallmark, why is there no hope for someone who looks like me?  The closest to even seeing someone who looked a bit like me was Ashley Fink in "A Merry Christmas Match."  This is not anything against her, because I really enjoy her acting!  But, it was obvious her character had a crush on the character that would wind up with the pretty girl at the end of the movie and she would not have her own happy ending in the movie, though everyone else did.

I am sure others have their own stories of how Hallmark Christmas movies don't represent them.  Maybe this is all bothering me so much this year because I'm at a point where I really do not want to be alone for the rest of my life and I pretty much will be.  Maybe because of the pandemic there does not seem to be a way to even consider a relationship, though now I have more time then when I was busy getting degree after degree.

While I love seeing some of my favorite Hallmark stars in new movies every year, I just wish I'd see someone get their happy ending who looks a little more like me for once, just to give me a glimmer of hope.

Merging is a New Journey - Anticipation and Hope of What is to Come (Musically)

Praise him with trumpet sound; praise him with lute and harp!  Praise him with tambourine and dance; praise him with strings and pipe!  Praise him with clanging cymbals; praise him with loud clashing cymbals!  Let everything that breathes praise the Lord!  Praise the Lord!  -Psalm 150:3-6 (NRSV)

  

Just the sun while out one day...

When I started this week, I fully expected to NOT have an installment of the "Merging is a New Journey" series.  First, I have already started to collect my writings for my full "booklet" or whatever I am going to call it so anything else I write I have to remember to add in.  Second, well, nothing really exciting happened so I figured, okay, I won't write for this series this week.

But then I was listening to a playlist in my car on the way to work.  One of the songs, a little early for some people, was an organ rendition of "O Come All Ye Faithful."  The power of the music gave me inspiration for a new thought in this series.  So, yes, now I am writing something.

As I listened to "O Come All Ye Faithful" and other organ tunes in my playlist, I was suddenly overcome with great anticipation and hope for the coming church seasons and the songs to be heard either live or online played on the PUMC organ.  I have to say, we have THE BEST organ players at PUMC.  Sure, everyone probably says that about their own church organists.  But I have been truly blessed by the music I have heard.  So, I all of a sudden, got this excited feeling about hearing Advent and Christmas hymns.  At tempo!  With the joy those songs should have!

But it got worse.  Because in the same playlist I have multiple versions of All Hail the Power of Jesus Name (Diadem version), which I have come to realize is like the song I feel connects me most to God.  So then I got to thinking about all the songs I love during Lent and on Palm Sunday and on Easter and how they would sound on the organ at church.

It may seem like I am rushing the church seasons, so says the seasonally confused individual, but I choose to view it as anticipation and hope of what is to come.  Every week I am blessed by being able to praise God through music.  I may not be able to sing each week, due to COVID restrictions.  But hearing music and singing songs in my head has come to be the way I am able to praise God.

So from the music perspective, I wait with great anticipation and hope to hear familiar songs and unfamiliar ones and to continue to be joyful in my praise through words and prayer and Scripture and music.

Thursday Thoughts - Seasonally Confused

This thought has really been going through my head a lot for the past few weeks.  Because when I think about it, sometimes I feel like I am truly Seasonally Confused.  I have been contemplating whether I should write about this or not, and after a hilarious group text discussion with my friends from high school about when one should start with all the Christmas (after Halloween or after Thanksgiving?) I knew that was a sign that I needed to write today's "Thursday Thoughts" series on this.

Me on Sunday 11/1/2020

So, this is obviously a selfie of me.   I took this selfie on Sunday with my Sunday outfit on.  A new dress that I bought on clearance...that had no sleeves with a 3/4 sleeve cover up.  And that is where part of my confusion about seasons begins.  Because while everyone is saying we have "sweater weather" I am still going to work in short sleeved shirts (and feeling fine!).  When I preached, I routinely wore dressy tank tops or sleeveless dresses no matter what the weather was outside because I always got so warm!  Even at church now, on the 2 days I stood in front of people singing I wore a sleeveless dress with a light coverup because it was cold outside but I knew at some point I might start to overheat.  I have always been like this.

I am still wearing my "summer shoes" to work, church, and other places.  They are so comfortable and are good "no sock shoes" but are still acceptable for work because my toes are not exposed.  Only one really cold day did I wear my warmer shoes with socks to work.  A few times I have worn sneakers on a weekend with short socks.   Even though it is November, I refuse to stop wearing these comfortable shoes because my feet are still fine.

And don't get me started on music.  I listen to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra year-round.  Yes, they have a few albums that are not Christmas-based, but that is the type of music they are known for.  So, it is not out of character to hear me listening to Christmas Canon or Wizards of Winter or Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24 at any point in the year, even in August!  Currently in my car I am doing a regular rotation of organ versions of songs heard around Holy Week like Faure's The Palms, All Hail the Power of Jesus' Name (Diadem version!), and Christ the Lord is Risen today.  I also recently added Advent and Christmas music including O Come All Ye Faithful and Angels We Have Heard on High.

So I have learned that I am Seasonally Confused.  And that is just a part of who I am.

Merging is a New Journey - My Church Family

 "Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, as indeed you are doing." - 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NRSV)

 We are almost at a year from when we had the official vote to accept the merger agreement.  Though that was not the start of the process (it began many months prior to this) it was the beginning of "the end" so to speak.  There were bumps in the road, most notably the stoppage of all in-person worship services in mid-March which led to us postponing our official merger service until July.

Anastasia and I at our first official service at PUMC

Before July I had been attending worship most Sundays via YouTube or Zoom at PUMC, and even though some of the names seemed familiar, I felt welcomed but a bit of a disconnect.  Once we merged, most Sundays I have been attending in-person worship, started to recognize mask-covered faces and voices, felt welcomed, but there was still a disconnect.

This past week PUMC had their Charge Conference via Zoom, and for the first time I looked at a screen full of faces and saw My Church Family.  Not the congregation members I was merged into.  Not people who I sort of knew from here or there.  My Church Family.

I don't know how the rest of the people from Wappingers are feeling.  But I can honestly say, something has changed in the last few weeks that made me feel like I was part of PUMC and not someone who simply came in from a merger.

It is strange, though, because I am normally a very introverted person.  Talking to people I don't really know is not something I like to do.  I'd rather stand back and observe.  Or stand with a group and observe and listen.  Or admire from afar.  When I took the selfie above with my niece, I fully expected to be away from things for awhile.

Yet, here I am now...seeing My Church Family at a church meeting.  Learning more about people in My Church Family.  Being in a small group with some people from My Church Family.  Singing and worshiping with My Church Family.  Opening my mouth and not being afraid to say things that are slightly embarrassing to people in My Church Family.  Just being me with My Church Family.

It obviously has taken a long time for me to get to this point.  Maybe it would have been shorter had we not been in a pandemic which caused such strangeness even after the completion of the merger.  I know there will still be new paths for me to follow in this journey, so I hesitate to say that this series is over.  But I feel like I am in a good place now.  (And soon I might begin on my project to put this series together as one person's thoughts on the process for others who went through, or are going through or will be going through the same thing.)

Thursday Thoughts - Why Am I so Nervous All The Time?

 That is a good question.

And one I don't have an answer for.  But maybe writing about it will help me through it.

Lately I have found that I am constantly nervous.  Like that feeling in your stomach when you are anxious, worried, scared, or excited about something.  It doesn't seem to be centered on any one thing, at least not all the time.  And no, I do not think it is COVID-related.

Like today, I was driving in to work and I felt it in the pit of my stomach.  Same thing happened yesterday.  Nothing nerve-wracking is going on at work and my job is my job so there really is nothing to be nervous about.

Okay, so Sunday should be a fun day (providing musical assistance in 2 church services, in person and live stream) and maybe I am just getting overly nervous ahead of time?

But what has become a problem for at least the last month is my new overnight habit.

I typically wake up at some point overnight to get a drink of water.  It used to be that I would wake up, drink some water, turn over, and fall right back to sleep.

But not now!  I wake up, get a drink of water, turn over, and stay awake with varying thoughts running through my head for at least an hour before I get to sleep.  One night this happened at 6am and by 6:30am I gave up and just got up to start my day.  Last night this happened to me twice in the night.

I really wish I could figure out what is going on in my head or my heart or wherever that is making me feel like this all the time.

I suppose, though, the alternative would be me in a constant state of crying which would be bad for so many reasons (more headaches, constantly feeling tired from it, and just in general not being a good thing).  Though I would get the look below from Sparkle who is starting to learn empathy when it comes to me being upset.  (She hasn't figured out migraine days yet.)

How Sparkle looks at me when I'm upset.

So there is this week's Thursday Thought.  

Please know these are my personal feelings and I am sorry if I am not living up to the perfect, problem-free, happy-to-look-like-me-and-being-alone person that I have been expected to be in the past.  I am human after all, striving to be better every day with God's help.

Merging is a New Journey - Sometimes, I feel.....

 "For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope."  -Jeremiah 29:11 (NRSV) 

 
When those of us left at Wappingers UMC started to really pray and seek God's guidance on the position we were in and what we should do, it was a very strange time.  I honestly can't speak about anyone else's thoughts, but I can speak of my own.

I was frustrated.  I was upset.  I was angry.  I was sad.  Not at anyone in particular, except myself.

Not that I am the be-all and end-all to anything (because I am far from it), but I felt as a leader within my own local congregation...not to mention also involved at the district and conference levels, I should have done better for my local congregation.  

So I become mad at myself.  I become angry at myself.  I become upset at myself.  Because, though I don't know what I could have done, I feel like maybe there was something I could have done.  I feel like a failure.

Please do not think I am seeking pity, because I am not.  I am slowly feeling like I am getting back into praising God the way I used to.  I am slowly getting back into the swing of being a church member and helping where I can.

But while I also sometimes feel frustrated, upset, angry, sad, and like a failure...I also feel invigorated, excited, joyful, happy, nervous, scared, and probably other emotions I can't think of right now.

It is a very strange position to be in...all these varied mixed feelings.

But this verse from Jeremiah has given me a new view.  Yes, I read it and consider it about myself and my own personal life.  But I also see it from the perspective as someone who has gone through a church merger.  Hope is an important thing to have when one is dealing with a merger.  There is hope that everyone is okay with the decision.  Hope that each part of the process goes well.  Hope that you can adjust.  Hope that you can find new life and purpose.  Hope for the future.

So I may continue to struggle with these feelings, as anyone would in the same position.  But each week my hope grows and gets renewed.

Starting a new thing (first online worship at PUMC, March 2020)

Thursday Thoughts - My 3 Master's (aka why I was a crazy loon)

 So, I guess you could say I am starting a new series that I guess I am starting on this Thursday so I called it Thursday Thoughts.  It has nothing to do with my Merging is a New Journey series, which I expect will continue as I experience new/familiar things, though maybe not as frequently.

Sometimes I have these dreams about being with faceless people - I can't identify who they are - but I am doing normal things with them, or what would have been considered normal in the past, like walking through a mall or sitting in a park or going to a movie or having a cup of coffee.

The most recent dream of a faceless person was sitting outside of a coffee shop, drinking coffee, and talking to this person about my 3 Master's Degrees.

The sign my sister had made for my recent graduation

So, the faceless person asks the question that winds up being on everyone's mind, "Why 3 Master's Degrees?"

My answer to the faceless person is very different from what I used to answer other people when they asked the same question.  My answer used to be "because I thought it would help me be better in my job" and "because I want to do something different in my life."  And I still believe what I have learned will benefit me in my job.

But here is what I say to the faceless person.  "I was trying to prove to myself that I am smart too."

About 3 years ago I wrote about my time as someone who was engaged.  I'm not sure many people read that blog entry.  I'm not sure many people have read much of what I have been writing about lately either.  But anyway, I wrote about some of the reasons why I wound up ending the engagement.  One of the reasons was related to knowledge.

The guy I was engaged to was smart.  I like smart people.  I like people who know about something so well that I can learn from them.  Or I can enjoy something about them.  I could watch musicians play for hours.  I like watching friends and others play video games that I would lose a life within 5 seconds.  And when I don't have a migraine, I like to watch the games my niece plays on the tablet from time to time and the house designs she makes in her games.

But I don't like when I am made to feel stupid by those same people.  And my ex-fiance made me feel stupid any time he spouted off information and it was even worse when I started to talk about something I knew a bit about but...you know...he just HAD to know more than I did on the subject.

So in a subtle way, in addition to trying to better myself for my job and maybe be able to do something else in my life, I was also unknowingly trying to prove that I was smart too and that I could be more than just someone in a job with a Bachelor's degree that had nothing to do with what she was doing as an employed person.  Okay, so maybe I wasn't as smart as my ex going for a doctorate in applied mathematics.  But, I managed to get through 3 Master's Degrees with a pretty good GPA, and that is good enough for me.

Merging is a New Journey - Revived (and Music is my Obsession)

 I just looked and I have been writing these blog entries since February, 8 months.  And I know I just wrote an entry last week.  But participating in the Laity Sunday service yesterday really got to me in a way I totally did not expect.

My vocal warmup 10/18/2020

My iPod playing all 1,000+ songs in a random manner happened upon this particular song as I headed to church on Sunday. It was a good song to have a vocal warmup to with my planned early morning solo.  It was the first time I really belted out a song before I had properly woken up, before I had consumed my morning coffee, and certainly before the afternoon.  I tend to sing in the car, sometimes, on my drive home from places but never in the morning.  For no reason other than I usually am still in the process of waking up and I don't really feel like singing then.

So I get to church and go over some last-minute things and pray together before the service started.  And then I participated in the service.  By the postlude several things had happened:

1) I felt like a member of the congregation who did things for church, not just someone who was sitting and enjoying worship week after week.  I thought I had wanted to remain "dormant" and "resting" for longer, but that was no longer the case.

2) I had sung a solo in front of a bunch of people, some of whom I have gotten to know over the past few months, some of whom I remember the top half of faces from seeing them week after week, and some I had no idea who they were.  Yes, I was nervous. But I got through it.

3) I wanted to jump and dance to the music that was being shared.  Every so often that would happen with particular hymns.  But I haven't experienced it in awhile, until yesterday.

4) I have become obsessed with music.

I want to explain the last statement a bit.

I have always loved music.  I remember learning songs with whatever the children's choir was called at the Presbyterian church in Wappingers where we went before we started attending Wappingers UMC.  Music was always my favorite class in school from elementary school right through high school.  I sang in school choruses and played in band.  My love of music eventually grew to enjoying movie soundtracks, with John Williams as my first favorite composer.  Music classes gave me interest in my favorite movie musicals (Fiddler on the Roof) and large music performances such as Carl Orff's Carmina Burana and Paul McCartney's Liverpool Oratorio.  Church choir, as I got older, introduced me to John Rutter's Requiem, the entirety of Handel's Messiah (not just the Hallelujah Chorus), and Vivaldi's Gloria.

But at some point, there was this disconnect between music and what it did to me.  But that disconnect has been repaired.  I suddenly now have a reinvigorated love of music, that I was singing in the car this morning on my way to work.  I am singing songs with lyrics or musical parts of instrumental songs.  And not quietly.  Loudly.  Music is my obsession.

I do not know what is in my future for continued involvement at church.  But I am eagerly looking forward to whatever lies ahead.  Especially if it is music-based.

Merging is a New Journey - A Different Laity Sunday & Becoming Involved

 

A song from my iPod

Famous last words: I will NOT be doing anything for Laity Sunday this year except sitting back and watching everyone else!

Seriously.  I said that.  Ask my sister!

Guess what is NOT happening this Laity Sunday?

For those who don't know, Laity Sunday is something that has been done in the United Methodist Church for many years, going back originally to 1928 and a day set aside called "Laymen's Day" and then renamed in 1972 as Laity Sunday to recognize the work and mission of all of the people in the church and what they did not just within the 4 building walls but outside of those walls as well.

And, some of you may know that organizing and usually preaching on Laity Sunday has been one of my responsibilities for more years than I can remember.  Last year took a lot out of me because it was the last one at Wappingers, and even though I had a script to follow at the end I stopped using it and wound up anointing everyone who was there.  It drained me physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  So I was really looking forward to not doing ANYTHING this year.

So we move now into becoming involved.  Church was able to start up small groups again, so I reached out and was placed in a small group that meets every other Tuesday evening.  We are reading through a study book and discussing it.  The group is such a blessing and they welcomed me with open air arms (because we can't really have open arms for hugs).  And the first week I attended we talked about singing and being involved in choir (when singing in groups was allowed).

So....even though I wanted to take a break...I will now be participating in Laity Sunday.  Along with many other people. 

Last night we had rehearsal time.  And though many people's faces (or half faces) were familiar as I attended virtual worship and later in-person worship, I felt not like an outsider looking in but rather a true part of the congregation.  (Though I was VERY nervous before I had to rehearse what I was doing!)  Someone who is starting to get involved in more than just the worship experience.  

So why a picture of the song "Beautiful Ending" by BarlowGirl?  I sang this pretty loudly in my car on the way home from work on Friday, while I was tired and just not feeling right as a reaction from my flu shot the day before.  But the song has been a bit of an ear worm since Friday (along with Save the Child from Paul McCartney's Liverpool Oratorio) and an encouragement for me.

It will be a very different Laity Sunday for me this coming Sunday.  But I am looking forward to it.  And I am also looking forward to being more involved in the coming months and years with my new church family.

Merging is a New Journey - Work & Self Care

Marist Campus 8/2020

 
You didn't think I'd let this theme stop since we have been officially merged and attending as a part of the PUMC congregation, did you?  Because I am still learning new things.

With Marist handling the return and arrival of students differently this year, I thought maybe for once the weekend before classes I wouldn't have to work.  It turns out I was wrong and so the Sunday of PUMC's outdoor worship service at 8:30am which I was looking forward to...I had to miss.

The following week was the 5th Sunday service, which had a combined online/in person worship at 10am.  I was planning to go in person.  But then I was asked to work on Saturday, which led to Sunday being my only day off.

Missing a Sunday at church due to work around the opening of school has been part of my yearly routine, with very few exceptions.  (The last exception was during Hurricane Irene in 2011 when my birthday was on a Sunday and I requested off hoping to have plans that got cancelled.)  But, as I said, with things the way they were, I was expecting to not have the yearly routine.  I felt bad because I really wanted to be part of the outdoor worship service.  But, I was able to help students and welcome many back to campus, which I also enjoy.

During the time of COVID-19, many people have talked a lot about self care.  I never really gave it a lot of thought because to me I felt like even though for months I was working at home, with a few exceptions here and there having to come to campus, I was doing what I normally would have been doing so I did not think that I really needed to think about my own self care.

However, after working some of the craziest days, 7 days in a row, on campus, I decided I needed to enact my own self care.  Instead of attending worship in person to hear the state of the church, I opted for the live service from the comfort of my room.  I did get up with the intention to attend in person.  But after chatting with my sister who had said she didn't think we were going to go in person and thinking more about how I was feeling, I decided not to go.  I just needed the time to sit in comfortable clothes, listen to a great worship service, and be able to re-energize myself that way.  

I worry, sometimes, that people will think I'm not that serious about being part of the congregation if I miss something.  I know that is, in reality, not really the case.  It is something I struggle with though.  And something I know I have to work through.  I need to keep in mind that God knows my heart.  He knows that sometimes I have to work, which takes me away from a service but does not negate the love I have for Him and the work I do for Him.  He knows that sometimes I just need to stay home and worship that way, and it also does not take away from our relationship.  I am still finding my way through this journey of merging.  But slowly and surely I will get there.

Merging is a New Journey - Welcome!

Altar at PUMC on Sun. July 12, 2020

The hardest thing to do on Saturday, July 11th was that last drive away from the UMC of Wappingers.

The second hardest thing was the arrival at Poughkeepsie UMC.

Not that the drive was new, because I have been to Poughkeepsie UMC for various events and trainings.  I have driven by the building many (many) times on my way home from work when I take back roads to avoid Route 9.  But it was the first time driving there as an official member there, after so many years at Wappingers.

As the light left the former sanctuary in the hands of Pastor George Mangan, I started crying.  As I turned the lights out for the last time, I was crying.  As I drove away from Wappingers, I was crying.  I had finally sort of stopped, until that last 1/2 mile on Route 376 headed to Poughkeepsie UMC when I started crying again.

It was a mix of reasons.  Leaving the very familiar.  A feeling of failure.  A loss of purpose.

But it was not because I didn't feel welcome.

I did not have many opportunities to visit the church for a service prior to our merger.  In fact, I had not been able to go at all until Ash Wednesday.  But, there were opportunities to meet people from the congregation, and everyone from the moment they found out I was from Wappingers, were very welcoming and expressed excitement over the impending merger.

Ash Wednesday I was greeted at the end of the service by my former high school chorus director, Polly James.  Back in high school I said to myself, one time after hearing her play something, that when I got married, I was going to have her play the organ.  I didn't care where the church was or who the organist was at the time, she was going to play.  I have told very few people that.  I never got that opportunity, still being single.  I did, however, get the opportunity to hear her play the organ though this past Sunday when she played as a prelude an arrangement of a hymn, which made me so very happy.

Back to July 11th, as I was crying yet again upon my arrival at Poughkeepsie UMC.  As I pulled into the driveway, there was someone waiting to direct us to the parking lot - with a huge smile on their face waving a welcome.  I had to laugh because there I was, driving in my own sadness, met with joy from one of many people who were honestly very glad that we were now part of their church family.

I was welcomed at the door by people who didn't know me, yet, but welcomed me just the same.  And not just like "Oh you are new here so I have to be nice to you" but rather "We are so glad that you are here and part of our family!"

This welcoming continued on Sunday, July 12th when Poughkeepsie was able to have their first in-person Sunday worship service.  And it continued still this past Sunday when I returned after two weeks away, covering for my former Pastor (George) at his other appointed church as he prepared to move to Long Island for his next appointment.

When we had new people attend our church at Wappingers, I always tried to be friendly to them and make them feel welcome.  Not overburdening, so that they get frightened away.  But enough so they know they are cared for and are appreciated.  It is often a hard thing to walk into the doors of an unfamiliar church where so many people already know each other.  I have definitely been made to feel welcome at Poughkeepsie.  And I am looking forward to the time when I feel comfortable enough to return the favor and make others feel welcome when they first walk through the doors of the building.