Thursday Thoughts - Things I've Learned (Lately)

Morning Sky 7/29/2021

Here are just some random thoughts about things I have learned lately....

• Sparkle likes to scare me some mornings and hide behind a tree.  What gets worse is I call her name once and she stays hidden.  She waits until I scream "SPARKLE!!!!!" in a panicked voice to peek around the tree and look at me like I'm crazy.  And yes, this happens during the 6am hour.  I guess she does this to make sure I am awake.
  
• If I read certain emails before I go to sleep, it affects my dreams.  So I must stop reading certain emails before I go to sleep.  But then it becomes, will I actually do it?
• I also read too much into simple phrases in said emails.  Which I also must stop doing.  Because it also affects my dreams.
• I need to stop singing loudly at work.  There are more people around.  Though I am currently ignoring this lesson learned.
  
• Also, I need to not be so hard on myself.  So says many friends.
  
• I am so blessed to have friends who still love/like me even when I am crazy.  Which is all the time.
• Peeling potatoes and chopping celery is soothing for me.  And healing.  Especially because I tend to listen to music while I do it.  So that becomes part of the healing too.  Thus, when I get to do both for potato salad, the potato salad becomes "Healing Potato Salad."
• I've got to remember to put my tea tree lotion on BEFORE going outside to enjoy the weather, my dog, and a book.  Because as soon as the first mosquito bites me, my happy time is no longer happy.  And my poor arms or legs become bite-covered itchy annoyances.
• I am random.
• Sometimes, I type way too much.  But I'm glad for those who read it and are okay with it!
  

Merging is an Ongoing Journey - My Small Group

For almost a year now I have been part of a small group at PUMC that met on an every other week basis from September through May (either in person or via Zoom).  We've done book studies and books of the Bible studies.  And a few other things in between.  It was great being part of a group and being welcomed in so quickly by everyone.  And now, over half the group (including me) is in choir together too.  

We not only get together to discuss things related to the Bible, but we also get together to share meals too.  This coming week we are having a BBQ and I'm so excited!  Because even though I see my small group family in church, there is just something about just being with our group.

Protect the BBQ Potato Salad at all costs!

Yeah, sorry about that unfortunate shadow of my phone over the photo.  Must be the ceiling light in the kitchen.

Anyway, small group was how I started getting slightly more involved in church.  It was a nice behind-the-scenes way to do more but still enjoy my rest from the view of the pew.

I've mentioned my small group family before, mostly thanking them for making me feel so welcome immediately.  I felt such a connection with everyone, and I am so glad that I was invited to be part of the group.  My small group was a part of my new journey and continues as part of my ongoing journey.  And I am excited about what year 2 will bring!

Thursday Thoughts - Do Over Day

I don't usually have days where I just want to start the whole thing over.  I mean, yeah, sometimes things don't go as planned.  Sometimes there are problems and issues.  Usually I just get through them and move on.  But, from the moment I woke up yesterday, I just felt like I needed to start the entire day over from the moment I got out of bed.

Sparkle woke me early.  Not crazy early (that was today not long after 6am) but I went to roll over to turn off my alarm clock so it wouldn't go off and I got a massive knot in my leg that I had to bite my tongue so I wouldn't yell and wake everyone else up.  In my attempt to turn off my alarm, I hit some other button (I guess) and it started to play my alarm music.  LOUDLY.  I finally got that to stop but hit some other button and all of a sudden my clock started to flash colors.  (It's one of those cube clocks that uses an OLD iPod to play music.)  I finally got the colors to stop flashing and back on my usual color.  Thank goodness.

But then after Sparkle was out, I tried to make myself my lunch, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  I usually put the jelly on first which was going fine until some fell off the bread and onto the table.  I then tried to grab the glob of jelly with my knife to put it on the bread, only the bread kept flipping over upside down getting more jelly ON the table.  Finally I'm able to get the bread the right way, clean up the mess of jelly, and finish making my sandwich.

Then comes my drive to work, which involved a few stops (coffee, post office, store) and in my various ins and outs of the car, I manage to smack my head on my car door frame several times.  I also wanted to get one of those pre-made salads, but they only had kinds I didn't really like.  I wound up getting a Cobb Salad and used ranch dressing I had at work instead of the blue cheese.  

I get into work and find out that a date has been scheduled for the Class of 2020 Commencement.  But I find out from an email to staff, not from the actual email.  Not sure why because I've been part of all the other Class of 2020 Commencement communication.  And at that point I just wanted to cry. (P.S. this has been sorted out.)

I get to the Food Court at the mall to grab dinner before a meeting at church.  And I swear, people have been inside so long they forgot how to behave in public.  Like, I can't tell you the number of couples who were making out like no one was around.  For someone who struggles with a lack of coupling, it was like a smack in the face.  More than once.  I get to my car with my food and again, I just want to cry.  And I still really want to have a redo on the entire day.

But then I get to church for a meeting.  Church has always been my happy place.  Even for a meeting.  And what turns my entire day around?

Baby Bunny at Church

This baby bunny.  Who appeared outside the open door we had to help get some air flow in the area we were meeting.

Hi baby bunny!

It is amazing how one small animal can do so much.  It looks cute.  It eats things.  It makes me want to take a picture of it.  It makes me smile.  It makes others say funny things about it.  It completely turns my day around.

Dear God, thank you so much for sending the baby bunny.  To take my mind off things that were making me struggle.  To bring some much needed joy.  And to turn my day around.  Amen.

Merging is an Ongoing Journey - The Quiet Moments

When I was at Wappingers, I'd often arrive fairly early to church.  It was for a number of different reasons, but in the end wound up being sure everything was ready for the worship service, from the sound system to the computer for projection, to the candle lighter that regularly needed to be cleared of wax.

During this time of preparation, it was very quiet.  Except for the organist practicing.  (Which I didn't mind.)  We sometimes ran into our own routine, if she wasn't familiar with a musical selection or thought the congregation wasn't familiar with it, we'd meet and do a quick review.  But it was a time of quiet because no one else was there.  I savored those moments.  It was a way to connect with God before the service.

I had to find new ways to get my quiet moments before service since coming to Poughkeepsie.  At first, I lost my path and ignored the need for quiet moments.  But as I got more involved, I remembered I needed those quiet moments.  But I had to find a way to get them.  Because, see, I no longer had to be the first person in and setting everything up.  There are others who do that.  And when I would get in, often there wouldn't really be an opportunity for a quiet moment.

Quiet Moment in the Car 7/18/2021

So I learned, after I parked my car, to take my quiet moment there.  I pray.  Sometimes I read a bit of my daily scripture reading.  But it's my time with God before I get into doing things.

The quiet moments help me become more centered.  This isn't to say that church doesn't help me become centered.  But sometimes I just need the time alone with God without distractions.  Even though some distractions are nice.

Thursday Thoughts - Sparkle is growing up (sort of)

In a couple weeks, Sparkle (the puppy dog) will be 3 years old.  Since we have had her, there are some obvious ways she has grown that I appreciate.  As great as it was having a tiny dog that was easy to carry around or hold, I like that she's bigger because that means no wake-up calls at 2 or 3am to go out.  Though she still likes to wake me as soon as the sun comes up.  Like today's pre-6am wake-up yelp.  Again, during a really great dream that I probably did need to wake up from.

She hasn't really figured out when I need her to be calm and empathetic during migraines.  Maybe that will come over time.  Or, maybe not and it's her way of keeping me going so I don't focus on the migraine.  Who knows.

But what she has figured out after living with us for almost 2 1/2 years, is to let me hang outside with her in a chair.

Waiting to go inside, patiently

One of my favorite things to do with my previous dogs, especially Harmi, was to take a camp chair outside into the yard and just sit under the shady tree and read a book.  Or look at clouds.  Or watch the birds.  Or watch the dog.  It was always the best way to relax after a long work day - just an hour outside with a good book, a cup of cold water, and a dog.

Sparkle didn't want any of this with me.

Not that she was mad.  She just thought I should constantly play with her.  Or she should eat my camp chair.  I love my camp chair.  It had (yes, had) a cup holder in each arm rest.  I'd put my water in one and my phone in the other.  That is, until Sparkle literally chewed off one of the holders.  And kept chewing on the arm.  

I even tried sitting in my chair outside the fenced-in yard.  That saved my chair.  But she chewed on the fence and barked at me because she could see me but I wasn't with her.

It made me sad because she does tend to spend a lot of time outside.  And I don't like her to be alone outside in extreme weather (hot/cold).  But it was getting annoying sitting on the back stoop for hours at a time.

Until this summer.  When I was able to sit in my chair.  And she didn't eat it.  Sometimes she'd sit next to me.  Or she'd bring me a toy.  Or she'd go off somewhere else and play with something.  Or lay down and rest.  Or sit on the stoop herself while I sat in my chair and read.

Compared to last year, this is a great improvement!  One might say she has grown up.  I would not agree that she is completely grown.  She still has several puppy-like tendencies.  She's quite mouthy when she wants my attention...or to go back outside.  But, at least I can sit outside now and relax for a bit in my chair without her trying to eat it into pieces.

I'm sure the other things will come along eventually.  But I'm okay with where we are now.

Merging is an Ongoing Journey - 1 Year Down, Many More to Go!

The first in my updated Blog Series Title - Merging is an ONGOING Journey, because it truly is!

One year ago yesterday we had the merger service between UMC of Wappingers and PUMC.  It's hard to believe I have been an active part of PUMC for a full year already!  Time has flown.  And it has been such an exciting time, at least for me.

7/11/2021 - One Year Here!

Strange to say, but I'm really starting to feel more comfortable, which I never thought I would.

I have found new life, and as I wrote last week, I found home.

I am still learning new things, like where back doors to places are.  Which, honestly, is really cool.  And I'm back to doing things I did before, like helping clean up and even when I think I can't move any more, I'm pushing myself into an overheated headache, and I'm burnt to a crisp.  I keep going until the job is done.

I took a bunch of photos yesterday and am planning to take more because I didn't get photos with everyone I wanted to so that I can do another video with photos showing my journey from Wappingers and the past year.  Also  need to get permission from people to include the photos.

But very surprisingly, I have found my place.  Who would have thought I would feel comfortable in such a large building with a lot of people?  Not me!  Not me at all!!

One year down, and many more to go!

Thursday Thoughts - How I Was Repurposed

 A year ago tomorrow I wrote a blog entry for my "Merging is a New Journey" series that I subtitled "Repurposed."  I wrote about a dress I had bought to wear on Easter, 2020 that wound up never getting worn because Easter, 2020 was spent in my comfy clothes watching service online.  The dress wound up becoming "Merger Service Dress," having been repurposed.

The Repurposed Dress (7/8/2020)

I talked a lot about how I myself was about to be repurposed as well.  It was a bit of a fearful thing for me, because I wasn't sure what lay ahead.  If I was ready to do other things that were not as familiar to me.  Some things I left behind knowing I'd never have to do them again, like the title of "Candle Lighter Cleaner."  We literally must have gotten THE DRIPPIEST box of wicks for the candle lighter ever because PUMC uses the same brand and having actually lit the candles, they were far less drippy than the ones we used at Wappingers.  I did not, however, leave the role of "Runner of Technology" - but I really am enjoying returning to that role.

 So, with my dress being repurposed again as a 1-year celebration dress, how else was I repurposed?

Well, I'm still a Lay Servant with preaching.  And as such, I've preached twice.  Once I just did the sermon.  More recently I put together the entire service.  So that part hasn't been repurposed.

I returned to technology running, though it's a bit different than what I did before.  However, I'm with a great crew of people and any time I can run tech, I love to!

I also sing.  Which I just did from the congregation before.  But now I sing with choir and I sing gathering music.  And sometimes I sing solos or duets or trios.

I'm Church Council Chair, which is more than just running a meeting I have learned.  It also means I am part of Finance Committee and am part of other decision-making.  Even if I'm not sure or uncomfortable of what my role is.

I'm part of a small group, which means I have great connections with people even before I started doing more things with those people.

I've made quick friends, reconnected with others, and become like family with even others.

I love my repurposed life.

Merging is a New Journey - And I Lost My Place

When I first started preaching many (many) years ago, I had several fears.  The major one was that I would forget my sermon.  When I printed it out, I'd be afraid I would leave it at home, which lead to printing a duplicate copy that would hide in my car.  Or as email became more popular, I'd email copies to multiple addresses that I could print from church if I had to.  As I moved to preaching from my iPad, I still emailed copies to multiple addresses because maybe my technology would fail!  I always had a backup plan, just in case.

But another big fear was speaking, and maybe going off script, and then losing my place and taking awhile to get back to it.

My view at church for 7/4/2021

So, this has happened to me before.  I have gotten...well, I wouldn't say "criticized" for it, because that tends to be a very negative term but maybe it helps get the point across.  It was said that the pause while you look to find your place can be unbearable and people didn't like that.  I was told to make sure I wrote everything out and didn't go off script.  I learned to do things like repeat a phrase, whether it was something I just said or going back to the point of the sermon since it would be a familiar phrase to the congregation and to me and would be something easily repeated while I searched for where I was.

But, there are times, when that fear of losing my place and not knowing how to recover and making people listening feel uncomfortable, overwhelmed me.

And then...Sunday happened.

I preached on Sunday.  It was the first time I had put together the entire service.  (The last time I preached, I had a lot of support doing other parts of the service, we used all the music already chosen, and I just had to write a sermon.)  So, I was a bit on edge.  I was feeling like I had pushed every limit already, especially to those who handled the music every Sunday asking for things like Amens and tambourines and excitement and loud music and certain pieces of music and random noises in the middle of things.

And it happened.

I went off script.  I turned around to face the people behind me (all the musical support because my back was to them for most of the service) came back around and lost my place.

So, what did I do?

I said, "Annnnd....I lost my place."

Which garnered a bit of a laugh from me, from the congregation, and allowed me to find where I was.  Without fear.

It just so naturally came out of my mouth.

And now as I'm writing this blog entry, I am realizing that I became my own example of the sermon I was preaching.

I was talking about how "home isn't a place" and that it is really the people who surround us, especially those we share Christ's love with.  Jesus experienced this as he returned home to Nazareth and started to preach in the synagogue.  The people of His hometown couldn't accept that this was the same person who had grown up in their town, learning the trade of carpentry from Joseph.  Jesus' home was the disciples and followers.  Those who held onto every word said and those who shared the words with others and brought more followers.

I was so comfortable.  I was so HOME, that it was just natural for me to say "and I lost my place" like I was talking with family or close friends.  Because I was talking with family and close friends.  It was a breakthrough that I needed.  

Next week marks the 1-year anniversary of officially being a merged congregation with PUMC.  This blog series will continue, with a slightly new name (still trying to figure out what to go with, leaning towards "Merging is an Ongoing Journey") but I think for this entry, when I consider the "new" journey for the last time, my new discovery, of being okay and comfortable with getting lost and recovering from that loss because I was sharing in front of family is a great way to celebrate almost 1 year of being actually together.

Special Edition - To my Friends

 Dear Friends,

Below is a picture I took of myself that I shared with my bestie, Jess.  It was the first hat I could find to protect my hair that I had brushed out but still had a ton of product in it from a hair cut earlier in the day.  It was raining and when product in your hair gets wet, it gets very hard and icky.  And I didn't want that.  I share the photo with all of you because I look kind of silly with a winter hat on in the summer.  Let's face it...I am NOT the type of person who wears warm things in the summer so it really was out of place for me!  But sometimes, that is who I am.

I write this now because I feel like, for whatever reason, I haven't been a good friend over the past week or so.  I have been working on a service for church which is making me nervous.  I've had a few projects at work that went well, but leading up to them and through them was slightly stressful.  And I've just really been in my head a lot (again) for whatever reason.  I've got stuff pent up inside me and I don't know what to do with it.

I know people who have been going through a lot in their personal lives.  I know people who have been going through a lot in their spiritual lives.  And I know people who I should just in on them from time to time to make sure they are okay.  All of these people are my friends, who I feel I have neglected for the past week or so.  And maybe that is what is pent up inside me - the feeling of "I should be doing more" when I was so focused on what was going on around me.

Friends, I am sorry if I haven't been the friend I should be.  Despite me not saying something on Facebook, or via email, or in a text message, or a phone call I was holding all of you in prayer.  Know that you are all so very important to me.  And I'm sorry if I didn't show it.

Thursday Thoughts - Extra Butter and Sour Cream

I have always been a fan of the baked potatoes at Wendy's.  In fact, I'd rather a baked potato than their fries.  So, I don't typically get a meal when I go there.  I get something off the value menu and then a baked potato and a drink.  For awhile, before I discovered I liked sour cream, it would just be a plain baked potato with butter.  Now, my default order is a baked potato "with extra butter and sour cream."

One of many variations on "extra butter and sour cream"

The problem is, no Wendy's has figured out when I ask for "extra butter and sour cream" I want EXTRA butter, and a single sour cream.

I've tried stating different variations, "one sour cream and extra butter" or even dealing with getting extra sour cream with saying "extra butter and sour cream" because we can always find a use for the sour cream packets.  There was even the time when I just said "extra butter" because I knew we had sour cream at home.

But this simple phrase has resulted in numerous variations.

2 butters and 2 sour creams (as seen in the picture)
1 butter and 4 sour creams
2 butters and 4 sour creams
1 butter and 1 sour cream
1 butter and 0 sour cream (when I asked for extra butter)

The majority of the time on the receipt I do see the phrase "extra butter" or a listing of multiple butters.  But I still wind up with only 1 or 2.   

So what is the problem with that?  Well, as delicious as the Wendy's potatoes are, 1 or 2 butters is just not enough to make sure a lot of the potato has butter.  I mean, it's just not!  The butters are small.  And while the potatoes aren't huge, there is a lot to them.

I do have hope, however, that some day someone will understand when I say "extra butter" it means more than 1 butter.