Thursday Thoughts - Thank You 2021!

I wanted to see what I had done last year on my last blog entry of 2020, and it was a summary of many blessings I experienced over the course of a very tough year.  And on this last blog entry of 2021, it may be appropriate to do that again.  But instead I wanted to approach it as a "Thank You" for some of the things I experienced over the course of the year.

2021's Word

My word for 2021 was Hope.  And though some days finding hope was hard, it was a persistent theme up until the very last days of December.  And if it wasn't the thing I needed, it was what others needed.  Thank you 2021 for always finding ways to show me hope.

One of Many Sunsets

Thank you God for 2021 and many, many beautiful skies.  And thank you for helping me find my new favorite place to not just view a sunset or clouds but to walk and get some exercise in.  I may have become quite obsessive with my sunset photos and my friend the lone duck, but being by the water for this time really helped center me and refocus me.  And I am so thankful for the many weekend days I had to be able to experience this.

The Wanamaker!!

Thank you 2021 for helping me to get to know my friends better.  I stayed in contact with my friends from high school, every so often by Zoom but mostly by Facebook and group text messages.  I got to know new friends better and take fun trips to take things off my bucket list, like seeing the Wanamaker Organ.  And there was always time for tacos with my bestie!

Sharing about leading

Thank you 2021 for my growth as a leader and a presence at PUMC.  I was able to sing in choir and for gathering music.  I was able to preach a few times.  I would address the congregation on 5th Sundays and share what had been going on in Church Council.  And I put together and guided Laity Sunday's service.

Here's looking to 2022!

I know there are probably some things I have missed.  2021 was an interesting year.  And, except for a week's period when I just didn't know what to say because of stuff going on at home, I blogged twice a week for a full year.  I can't believe it!  There was just so much to go through.  

I look forward to growth in all the areas I touched on as 2022 approaches.  But I am thankful that 2021 was the way it was.  Not every day was great.  There were some really rough days and I expect the same for 2022.  But I hope I can focus on the good things to help me get through the bad ones.  And find the joy in every day.

Thank you God for 2021 and what you put in my life!

Merging is an Ongoing Journey - Christmas Eve 2021

Christmas Eve 2021 was supposed to be a complete 180 from Christmas 2020.  Indoor, in-person services with lots of carol singing, celebrating with families and friends and friends who are like family, lots of excitement, and joy.

Or at least I'm sure that's what a lot of people thought.

But Christmas Eve 2021 turned into one of those Instagram vs. Reality posts.  What I typed up there was the Instagram version.  The reality was, yes in-person services but people still had to be socially distanced.  There was carol singing, but by a very few people who were all spaced 12 feet apart from each other and from the congregation.  There were adjustments to allow the congregation to read some of the carols so it wasn't just like a bunch of people singing and no other participation.  There was a movement to outside so there was adequate space for everyone to stand 12 feet apart so at least one carol, Silent Night, could be sung by all.

But still, what was in both the Instagram and Reality versions was this simple fact - we celebrated Christ's birth with joy after all the anticipation during Advent.

On my way to the 1st of 3 Christmas Eve Services (2021)

There were a lot of hard decisions that had to be made within just a couple days before Christmas Eve.  Of course, the bulk of it lay on our pastor.  But the leadership jumped right in with ways to help our pastor put in motion the updated vision for the services as well as helping with things in between.

But all of that didn't take away from the celebration.  Nothing took away from the story and the familiar scriptures read.  Nothing took away from probably the best prelude at the 10pm service that has brought such peace to me.  And though not everyone could sing the carols, it didn't take away from their meaning.  One song I was looking forward to singing during Lessons and Carols was "Let There Be Peace on Earth."  But instead, this was spoken.  However, I found greater meaning to the song being able to speak the words as opposed to singing it.  I wonder if others too were able to find a different appreciation for songs as they looked at lyrics instead of singing the words.

Christmas Eve was a very long day for me.  But I continued to find the joy in each service.  (The YouTube videos are proof because I really can't stop moving with music!)  Even when my feet were really hurting by the end of the last service (someone aka me thought it a good idea to wear heels for the last 2 Christmas Eve services, because ...???) I almost ran with joy to the front of the church seeing the candles were all still lit on the altar so I could grab a few photos before the candles were all extinguished.

It is a few days later and I am still trying to find ways to keep up the celebration of Christ's birth.  I'm not always successful, that's for sure!  But I am doing the best that I can.

People like to joke about the Instagram vs. Reality posts.  But, you know, this year, I'm not sure I would want to trade the Reality of Christmas Eve 2021 for anything.  With all that has been going on in the world, it was the best way to celebrate and I am glad that we did!

Thursday Thoughts - Word for 2022

I have been giving a lot of thought towards my potential "Word for 2022."  My word for 2021 was "Hope."  I'm not sure the entire year I lived into that word.  I did try to look at things with a hopeful outlook.  Sometimes I failed.  But sometimes I was able to find the hope.  I found the hope for myself.  And I found hope for others, which helped me find my own hope.

There are still things I am hoping for, especially in 2022...because I doubt they will be coming to pass in 2021....not that many days left and some things I hope for I'd need a miracle to get by the end of the year!

So that got me thinking, maybe I should repeat my word, Hope.

But, then some things happened and I feel like God wants me to live out Hope for the rest of 2021, maybe not so much for myself but helping others have HOPE.

But, I think I will need a new word for 2022.

Me - 12/20/2021

I'm leaning towards JOY as my word for 2022.

Granted, I may not always have joy, because some days are harder than others.  Especially now.  But I feel like I can always find joy once again...through church, through music, through nature, through friends/family, through organ music, through sunsets, through singing, through seeing what God puts in my path, through people God puts in my life....

So, I think JOY will be the 2022 word.  I will try to look every day for the JOY and go from there.

Merging is an Ongoing Journey - Coming Home

I've often talked about the feeling of home and being where I belong at church, which, even almost 2 years later still feels a bit new from time to time.

But, after being away for two Thursday rehearsals and a Sunday service, I was ready to be back among everyone.  My first opportunity was Saturday for a special Comfort and Joy service.

Altar before all the candles were put out

This service has been called in the past and in other places "Blue Christmas" - a service to help others who are struggling to find hope and joy during the season.  I was asked to be part of the prayer team who would be available...but in reality it was a service that helped me find the hope and joy that I discovered I had missed because of everything that had gone on in my life personally.

Anyway, I was very apprehensive about returning.  But as soon as I walked into the room where everyone was, the first words I heard were "Welcome Home!"

And boy did I feel like I was home!

This particular service was a nice way to get back into the swing of things.  Especially with Christmas and being part of multiple services coming up very quickly.

And when I came back on Sunday, I still felt like I was coming home and seeing people who, truthfully, I had only not seen for about 10 days or so...but it felt like much longer!

So I returned home...to the familiarity....and it felt great!

Sorry for the short entry this week.  I'm also readjusting to returning to regular life outside of my house and some things are still very crazy.  But it will all work out!

Thursday Thoughts - Being Grateful in Tough Situations

So, this is something I haven't really talked about at all.  But knowing and realizing just how loved and cared for I am along with my family, I thought I'd talk about it.

I have been stuck home after testing positive for Covid.

I have felt fine the entire time, and hopefully by the end of Friday I will have completed my quarantine period and I can leave my house.

After receiving the results, it threw me into a great depression.  I was so sad for a number of reasons.  And I felt like I should shut out the world because I figured I was this person who no one would want to be around because I had tested positive.  I wrote to a couple people saying I was feeling almost like a leper because who would want to be around someone who tested positive?  Or who was in quarantine, even though I would have been officially released?

But then emails and text messages came in from people who wanted to make sure I was okay.  And I realized, just because I couldn't leave my house it didn't mean I needed to shut down.

Morning Sky 12/15/2021

And I certainly shouldn't let it stop me from taking photos!

But I also realized that there were so many things I was grateful for during this tough situation:

- That I had so many friends (who are more like family) who cared to check in on me!  Whether it was once and awhile or every day, it all meant and continues to mean so much to me!

- Also that technology has advanced so much that I could still go to church via a live feed.  And that we could order food and have it delivered through the numerous types of apps out there.  And things that let us order supplies from stores and have those delivered too.  I know so many people offered to bring stuff or pick stuff up for us.  But having this technology available was a good thing too.

- That I had a friend who text me every day to make sure I was okay.  Unless I text her first!

- And a friend who sent me funny videos every day by email so I would laugh until I was released.

- And a friend that checked in via email and I would also email and text sometimes too.

- That people continued to pray for us all as we healed and then returned to regular life.  (I'm almost there!)

- That someone recognized something was up when I didn't update my blog as I usually did.

- That when I would talk about returning to things, people expressed genuine excitement over it and not what I was fearing, that no one would want us back for awhile even if we were cleared.

- For the sunshine and beautiful daytime and nighttime skies that I experienced from my back door when I would let Sparkle out.  It's been awhile since I saw a proper sunset but the views from the back door have been nice.  

- That no one got too severely sick and everyone seems to have recovered well.

- That I was still able to do all I do.  And able to readjust my sleeping schedule so I'm sleeping better now, which overall is a great thing.

There is probably more - but that is what I have for now.

I am so grateful for everyone during this past couple weeks of crazy.  I am so blessed to have all of you in my life!

Merging is an Ongoing Journey - FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)

So, I had to stay home from church this week.  There are a lot of reasons why and I am not going to go into them.  Suffice it to say, the past week and a half has been a little on the crazy side.

For someone who has been so involved in being part of worship, it was very hard, almost upsetting, because I could not be there.  Sure, you may say sometimes you need to rest.  But there are other people who do other things and work way harder than I do who don't get a break, so why should I?

Anyway, I had a break away.  And parts were hard.  Really hard.

But I am really glad that we continue to use the technology employed (and improved upon) that was used so heavily during the pandemic when no one was able to come to church to be physically present in worship.

Sparkle and I during church 12/12/2021

By the way, yes, I was singing along!

But I still had a sense of missing out, a fear of missing out on something that you get when you are in person but not necessarily watching online.  The feel of the music, the atmosphere, the people who are there...

I know I couldn't help it.  And I was where I needed to be.  And I am beyond thankful that I was able to not completely miss out and attend service virtually.

But I can't wait until next week when I can be back!

Merging is an Ongoing Journey - First Day of Advent

For some reason I had a photo chosen for today's entry, but not really a subject I wanted to talk about.

The first snow - 11/28/2021

Then I thought about the photo I wanted to share, the first snow of the season...that also happened on the first Sunday of Advent or the first day of the church liturgical year.  And I said to myself, how appropriate!

Okay, the snow wasn't that significant.  But it was how I liked it.  On the grass.  On the trees.  A bit on the cars.  Some on the driveway.  But the roads were fine.  Nothing that would be too dangerous to drive through.

There is just something special about that first snow, no matter how much it is.  And there is just something special about that first Sunday in Advent, no matter how many times you have experienced it.

Last year my sister and I lit the first candle on the Advent wreath.  This year we watched as Pastor Jody lit the first candle during the Message for the Young and Young at Heart.  Then we sang the Advent Song!  Such a great memory of that song!  But I'm glad we are making new memories with that song.  We, however, missed Come Thou Long Expected Jesus.  So I've been listening to a couple videos with that song on my YouTube playlist to make up for it.

Advent always is a time to think about the birth of Jesus.  There are many things that we hear year after year that may make the experience mundane over the years.  But my hope is that this year I will find something new to cling on to.  The hope of Jesus coming.  

It may not be a secret, but I feel like I have been in a constant state of stress.  I haven't quite figured out why.  Every time I think I have it figured out, something else triggers it.  My hope is that during this time of Advent, looking at it through an ongoing journey lens, that I will find the solution to the stress so that I can enjoy the season and everything it brings.

Thursday Thoughts - Happy Thanksgiving!

What's interesting, as I write this a day ahead of Thanksgiving, is that looking at last year's entry, I am still thankful for many of the same things.

So I share that here below....

Thankfulness in 2020

With the following updates and additions...

• My church family in 2021, since that is the year we are in. 
• The continued love for all things music, especially organ music, and the time I have shared hearing it.
• Safety through some unexpected travel, and events happening during travel over the summer
• The beautiful and interesting skies and other nature things I have seen and been blessed to take photos of.
• Finding ways to combat dehydration, especially while singing.
• And the growth of my singing.
• And probably other things that I have forgotten about.

Here's to finding more things like this!

 I wish you all a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving!

Merging is an Ongoing Journey - Being Alive!

I struggled with a subtitle for today's entry because it is going to cover a few things, all of which were part of my Sunday.

I have also been struggling with masks and robes.  We have to wear masks to sing, which I understand and accept.  Robes have now become part of choir and I accept that too.  (And I'm glad that I'm wearing a robe I'm comfortable with!!!)  But, for someone who is always on the warmer side, I have been struggling every Sunday with getting overheated which results in pretty nasty overheated and dehydrated headaches.  First it was just because of the masks and then the robe added to it...even though it was getting cooler outside, the sanctuary tends to retain the warmth.  A good thing when it gets really cold. But for me, I have to find ways to keep myself cool!

Last week in an attempt to combat dehydration I tried some Gatorade Frost before and during the service.  My usual go-to drink when I'm dehydrated is coconut water, but it tends to gunk up my throat and that makes it hard to sing.  Gatorade doesn't do that, and while I typically hate the extra salty taste in Gatorade, Gatorade Frost isn't as bad.  It did help a bit.  (While also wearing a not-heavy tank top under my robe.)  This week I tried a new mask (made for athletes so better for breathing) and more Gatorade.  And it helped SO MUCH!  I felt GREAT after worship.  No headache or anything!!  

Because I felt so great, I stayed to help sort through a big pile of music.  And spent some time with a friend.  Then headed home for a bit before going to a Thanksgiving service at the Bangall UMC location.

And then I did something I haven't done in a long time. I sang really loud with a worship song.  While waving my free (non-steering wheel) arm around.

Don't get me wrong, I sing a lot in the car.  I sing my warm ups when alone on the way to rehearsal or Sunday service.  I sing because I feel like it.  But I just sing at a normal volume.

But this song came on...and I couldn't help but turn it up loud and sing REALLY REALLY LOUDLY with it.

This song is a Christian version based on the original song, "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen.  There's a good video someone posted of Lincoln Brewster playing this song live, explaining how he came up with the alternate lyrics.  But this version has always been a favorite of mine since I heard it on his live album.

And it just hit me yesterday, as I was driving along the Taconic, Maybe it was because I was going to a Thanksgiving service.  Maybe it was the view.  Maybe it was the earlier part of the day.  Or the things I had done or heard that made me happy.  Maybe it was that I was feeling really good on a Sunday afternoon, which hasn't happened in awhile.  Or maybe it was everything combined.  I have a feeling it might have been that last thing.

Whatever it was, I was having my own worship session with God and I can't help but think it was some part of my ongoing journey and I am really glad that it happened!  It made me appreciate and to be thankful for the entire day!  I definitely hope I am blessed with many more days like that!

Thursday Thoughts - Always Music

Yes, yes, I have talked about music before.  But I've been contemplating more about music lately.

Also, I have/had this set of those magnetic words you can create random sentences.  I had bought them for a file cabinet I had and used them for awhile until I really no longer have much access to the metal part of the cabinet.  Though I did just figure out a way to do that.

The other day I was looking at my file cabinet front (that I don't see unless I walk up to it) and found what I had put on there years ago...

I would say, in most cases, that is me today.

You can always tell when I am really bad off.  I won't listen to any music.  At all.  There is always music on in my car, except if I'm at a drive through window because I think it's rude to be playing music while you are trying to order something and then deal with the workers.  I do also turn off (or down) my music when I am at the last leg of a trip to a new place that I am using a map program to get to.  Just so I have better concentration on where I am going.  Because I have been known to be singing along to a song and forget to take a turn I needed to take - and that is to a place I am familiar with!  But if I drive home and there is no music, you know something is wrong.

Similarly you can tell when things are great.  Because the music will be loud and it will be accompanied by me singing along.  Even if there aren't words, I sing the notes played.  Loudly.

Always music.

So much so, that starting in January I will be beginning a new adventure.  Yes, it is educational.  No, it is not another Master's Degree!  It is, however, a Certificate through the Institute for Discipleship run by BeADisciple.com in Music Ministry.  The program is a series of 3 6-week courses (with breaks in between) and then a 12-week practicum, and another break with one final 6-week course so I can add the United Methodist emphasis.  And I am so excited about it!

Always music.

Though there are times when I can't seem to get out of my head, I should always know that music is a great healer.  Those times when I seem to refuse to listen to music because I don't think I should listen to it - I should just listen anyway.

Merging is an Ongoing Journey - Charge Conference Can Be Fun!

I used to dread Charge Conference at church.  There were parts that seemed to go fine.  But there were always parts where I worried about an argument or people getting mad or something like that.

However the past two years I have thoroughly enjoyed Charge Conference.  To the point where I think that, though there is a lot of business that needs to be taken care of during them, there is also a lot of fun and laughter in them!

Cover from our Charge Conference Booklet

One of the things I wanted to share, that I didn't yesterday, is to this point.  These typically once-a-year gatherings are necessary to cover a lot of what needs to be done in a Methodist church.  There are serious times, like when we are voting on things or discussing things.  But they can all come with a bit of levity as well.

And I think in this time, that is what is needed.  We have spent so much time being serious and stressed and trudging our way through the pandemic.  No, COVID-19 isn't gone.  But our churches also need to know we need to find our way forward, and that now means stepping out of comfort zones or finding ways out of the typical boxes we put ourselves in.

And, yes, sometimes that means laughing during a meeting that usually isn't filled with laughter.  Or wasn't filled with laughter in your personal experiences.

This year for me there was laughter, sharing, seriousness, and even crying (FOR JOY!).

And that was what we needed in 2021 I think.  To give light and a path to 2022 and what lies ahead!

Thursday Thoughts - Not What it was Meant For

When I was very (VERY) young, one of my favorite toys for whatever reason was an empty bottle of baby powder.  ZBT Baby Powder to be exact.  (Search "vintage ZBT baby powder" if you are interested.)  I can literally remember what it looked like and everything.  I always liked the smell of baby powder, so maybe that is why it was my favorite toy.

I loved it as a toy, but that was not what it was meant for.  It should have been thrown away when it was empty, but I got it as a toy.  At least for awhile.  (Eventually it did get thrown away.)

Anastasia does the same thing with a lot of her toys.  They have a specific purpose but then she adjusts their purpose from time to time.  Like when we used Shopkins for playing pieces in Chutes and Ladders, Candy Land, or any other games she had.  Or mix and matching food toy sets with each other to have a wider variety she could offer at her "restaurant."

Sparkle and her "toy."

And then there's Sparkle.

As you can see, Sparkle is holding something yellow in her mouth.  It is her new favorite toy that she brings to me in the doorway, drops it very loudly and expects me to throw it to her in the yard.

It is a water/food bowl.

Sparkle has this habit of needing water when she is outside.  And when it started to get colder last year, while I knew for a time the water would freeze overnight and melt during the day, I was concerned with her using a metal bowl so I switched to a plastic bowl.

Let me rephrase.  I tried to switch to a plastic bowl.

Upon seeing the plastic bowl, she drank a little water out of the bowl and then promptly put her paw in the bowl, tipped it upside down spilling all the water, and then running around the yard with a bowl in her mouth.

Try as I might, I could not get her to drink water normally out of the bowl.  She will drink rain water out of them before playing with plastic bowls.  But, for whatever reason, she associates a metal bowl with water for outside and plastic bowls outside are toys.  Note, she does have plastic bowls for her food and water in the house and aside from shoving them around the floor when they are empty and she wants more, she doesn't treat them as toys.

The plastic water bowls outside are being used in a way that is not what they were meant for.

But it certainly makes me laugh.  A lot!

Merging is an Ongoing Journey - What I was Inspired to Do

A little over a year ago, as I've already talked about, I started to get involved in things at church more and my love for music returned.

About a month ago I shared something on Facebook about a Music Ministry Certification program through BeADisciple.com.  It is a year-long program with 3 church music informational (not learning instruments) courses and then a practicum.  This program really called to me.

The first texts for the course on Psalms

And I am happy to say that I signed up for the first course, which begins in mid-January, 2022.

I am not sure I would have ever taken this step had so many things happen over the course of the last year or so.  I am very excited about what I will be learning.  And no, it's not another degree!!!  (haha!)  It's just a certificate in something that I hope will only expand my love and appreciation for music, not just as something to hear or sing but also something to really understand between the theology and meaning and history of some of the music I sing.

This is a short one today.  But I'm glad to be able to share it!

Thursday Thoughts - I guess I am....

 ....losing weight that is.

Results from FeelFit, an app connected with a Bluetooth scale I have

Now, granted that screenshot is a loss in weight over the past 3 years.  When I first got the scale, I started out very regularly checking my weight every morning.  Then the batteries on the scale died so I stopped for awhile.  Then I picked it back up again.  The batteries died again and just last night and this morning I picked it up yet again.

Part of the reason is because I've had a few people over the past couple weeks ask if I had been losing weight.  And I was curious to see if I actually had.  And, while I didn't lose an awful lot since the last time I was regularly weighing myself, I have lost a bit of weight from when I started and have kept it off for the most part.

As you can see, from the point I started a few years ago, I am down 25 pounds.   So, that's a good thing.  It's hard to tell if I have lost some weight more recently.  But, I'm happy that I have kept off some if not most of the weight I lost years ago.

But I have noticed that while there are times when I get very hungry...I am not eating as much as I used to.  Not like I'm starving myself or anything.  When I would go to certain places I would order specific things, and at times it was like a lot of food.  But I am finding now that the amount of food I used to order is too much and I can't finish!  So, that is one way of figuring it out.

Another way seems to be how I look in pictures of myself.  I still have a love/hate relationship with pictures of myself.  But I am getting better about them.  And I have noticed a bit of a difference in the pictures, that compared to several years ago I do look like I have lost weight.  Now, it could have been a difference in the angle or whether I am by myself or with others.  Whatever the reason, I think I see a difference in how I look.  And that's a good thing.

It's not a good thing because I want people to like me for being thinner than I am.  Or because I think that is what people want me to be like.  But because I know it's probably healthier for me in the long run.

So I'll keep doing what I'm doing.  Which, at this point, I'm not really sure what it is.  Whatever it is, it seems to be working for me.  And I guess that's what matters.

Merging is an Ongoing Journey - I'm In It Now!

You know how sometimes when you start something, there is always something that you can see as a back door, a way out?

But then there are some things that just solidify your place somewhere?

Me in my new choir robe (10/28/2021)

Trying on and being assigned a choir robe is a solidifying factor that I am in the PUMC Choir.

Not that I was planning to leave or anything!  Because I have found my place in the choir.  I love everything about choir once again.

But, being assigned a robe when we haven't been wearing robes since I started singing kind of says, "You're in it now Jenn!"

Church is my happy place.  Most times if I go into church for something, a book group, a meeting, singing, or some other reason, if I'm feeling poorly I leave feeling better.  Not just uplifted but physically better.  Music is my special happy place and no matter how I am feeling, once I start singing, things change.

Sometimes people may view being totally committed to something a negative thing or something to be afraid of.  But I look my commitment in the eye and I say "I'm glad I'm in it now!"

And, What's Next?

Thursday Thoughts - Things I Still Hear

Earlier this week in my "Merging is an Ongoing Journey" series I wrote about thoughts and memories that still hit me hard when it comes to my life at Wappingers.

That also got me thinking of things that still hit me in my personal life.  And what came to my mind was stuff so much that happened to me in general but the things I still hear that get to me.  And sometimes when some of that comes back to me, I have to get out and find something that helps me appreciate the present moment.  Like the below picture.

Taken 10/28/2021 at Marist

I still hear how Anastasia would cry at me when I told her she shouldn't do something she was doing (and when I'd tell her parents, they would agree with me!).

I still hear how someone who I thought was a friend blew up at me when I got mad at him for the attitude he gave me after doing something I thought was helpful.

I hear the sound of people's voices that were close to me who are no longer with us...my Uncle Lee's ever present question, "What are you doing at church?" (wouldn't he be so proud of me now??).  My friend Margaret's laugh. Fluffy, and JL, and Harmi's barks.  My grandparent's conversations with me.  

I hear my own voice yelling for Sparkle when she escaped her harness.

I hear my ex-fiance's way of saying I was wrong about something and then spouting off a whole history of stuff that would make me feel stupid and worthless (by the way, not in the way Sheldon would on "Big Bang Theory").

This last one I hear a lot.  Maybe it has something to do with the fact that was my actual last relationship.  And while I know I really am not stupid or worthless, some things just bring me back to his voice, how I felt, and make me think that's how I should expect to be treated?

It is interesting how some things really stick with me - not just visual memories or feeling memories but hearing memories.  And it's interesting how some great ones stay in addition to the not-so-great ones stay.  

But I know I just need to take it one day at a time, and maybe someday those bad hearing memories will fade away and I'll only still hear the ones that make me smile.

Merging is An Ongoing Journey - Things Still Hit Me

I want to start this one out by saying, this entry doesn't take away from the joy and love I feel as a now merged member of PUMC.  I am so happy I am where I am for a variety of reasons.

But sometimes, things hit me.

The other day my sister told me that the new owners of our church building had taken away all the playground equipment.  Yes, I know new owners are going to have their own vision and they absolutely have every right to do what they want.  I'm okay with that.  And, at first, I was okay with it.  It didn't really phase me.

Then on Friday I drove by the old church building and I saw the lack of playground equipment with my own eyes.  (Mostly because I was stuck where I could see it while waiting for someone to make a left-hand turn.)  And it started to make me sad.

Healing Service Altar 1/2013

I chose to use this image from many years ago because, even though things are still hitting me, I know that means healing is still going on.

There has always been some reminder of the presence of children at that place for as long as I have been there - and I'm sure for many (many) years before that.  But for whatever reason, there no longer being a playground really felt like it was erasing kids from the memory of that place.  It was erasing kids presence overall.

That may not be reality, but that is what was going on in my head Friday night as I drove by.  And it made me sad.

Things still hit me from time to time, even in the midst of all the love, joy, happiness, and peace I am feeling.  And I guess that will keep happening from time to time.  The object, is, I guess, is to yeah let it hit me.  But know I can move forward and not let it bring me down as I continue forward in my now not-so-new church home.  I may write about these things from time to time.  But hopefully less and less things will make me so sad and instead just bring back happy memories.  Like discovering the 2006 Palm Sunday cantata and hearing many familiar voices.  Or finding a phrase in an old report I had written that I could use in a current report I am writing.  And maybe I'll start sharing some of those memories, the ones that make me smile instead of cry.

But for now, I'll work on the healing from my Friday and go from there.

Thursday Thoughts - The Pictures I Take

If you are a friend on Facebook, you know I post a lot of pictures.  They are mostly sunsets, clouds, nature views, Sparkle, and sometimes family pictures.  If you aren't a friend on Facebook and you want to see some photos from time to time, let me know!

Sunset along the road at the Poughkeepsie Galleria (10/20/2021)

Sometimes I just can't help myself from taking a picture.  Like the above photo.  I literally stop in the middle of the road that goes around the Poughkeepsie Galleria and take a photo through my car window.  Or I take photos before I get into my car, like when I'm trying to get a good moon shot after a meeting at church.  Or I make sure I am someplace to get photos, like the water and sunset and clouds by the Beacon train station.

For the curious, I pretty much just point and shoot with my phone.  Or point, zoom, and shoot with my phone.  I have a Samsung Note20 Ultra, and honestly is really is the best phone camera I have ever had.  I don't really play around with settings, except for my night and moon shots.  I use a night mode on both of them which I think does something to the "shutter speed" to help the pictures come out nice.  And the moon photos where you can see some of the craters and stuff is when I zoom all the way in (50x) and work very carefully to get it to focus on the moon.  Once the focus gets set I take the photo and I get what I get.

Sometimes I think about getting a decent digital camera for some of this.  But I'm happy with my phone!

There are times I wonder if maybe I take too many photos.  Or not so much that I take too many photos but I share too many photos.  But, I really just like sharing what I get with other people.  Not because I want to get compliments or that I like compliments or I want to know that people are seeing what I post.  But just because when I take a photo, I like to share the photo.  I like to share what means something to me.  A little insight to what makes me tick, so to speak.  And maybe they help cheer someone up.

So that's a bit about my photos.

Merging is an Ongoing Journey - My Laity Sunday Testimony

So, yesterday was Laity Sunday.

Before church - smiling even at 7am

And during the service, after the sermon, we had a time for testimony.  My sister shared something, someone else shared something.  And I shared the below.  It was supposed to conclude with a solo, Let There Be Peace On Earth, which I sang a year ago.  But we had a bit of a timing issue so I cut it.  (Hey, if you have to cut something, cut what you planned to do.)  Though I will say I feel bad because I worked on it Thursday and Sunday morning with someone and it seemed like all that work rehearsing it went out the window.

Anyway, I thought today I'd share the testimony I gave, since I had it written up so I wouldn't get dates and things wrong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On March 8, 2020, as someone who loves to use media references, I was told a movie quote, whether they realized it or not, that resonated with me. That quote? It was said to Tony Stark during Avengers: Endgame, “Now you can rest.”

Though after that date, I along with some others, were joining this congregation, I stopped doing most of those promises I had made and revisited from time to time. I was ready to pray for my new congregation. And I was ready to be present, JUST PRESENT, in the ways we could at our new congregation. But I was not ready to do much else, at all, for what I thought would be a VERY LONG time.

Fast forward to October 2020 where I learned a very important lesson. Do not say to your small group leader who also happens to be a Lay Leader and the one planning the Laity Sunday 2020 service, “I just want to sit and watch everyone else this Laity Sunday.” Because just uttering those words leads to a text message that basically says, “Can you sing something for Laity Sunday?” And, you could say, the rest is history.

Most powerfully at work in my life since that point is gifts. As we have gone through the year so far talking about different forms of Stewardship, gifts are not just financial gifts but gifts of self to do the work of the church. A year ago, something opened inside of me at that point. On a personal level, I began to enjoy and love music again, especially organ music. But on a spiritual level, I wanted to do things again in the church. I wanted to be involved again. I wanted to share my gifts, which seem to be singing, being a slightly technical person, and leading – whether it is leading a meeting or a worship service. I didn’t want to rest any more.

I have grown so much in the past year because of this in so many ways. Once you start doing something on a regular basis, it becomes a habit. Yes, there are some bad habits. But there are also good habits, like living into these promises we make and continue to remind ourselves of when there are baptisms in church. Living into these promises helps one grow and improve many aspects of their life.

Thursday Thoughts - I Really Missed Train Riding!

Last Thursday I did something I hadn't done in two years.  Okay, a few things I hadn't done in two years.  But the one thing I wanted to write about was riding the train.

Over the past several years I really have only had one opportunity for riding a train, and that was going to New York Comic Con.  And after the break last year when there were no conventions, I was back on the train for one day this year.

It amazed me how, even after a couple years away, the routine of a train ride seemed to come back so quickly.  (As did leaving the train, getting to the subway, riding the subway, and walking to the Javits Center.)

On Saturday I went to my usual spot for sunset viewing.  The sun was very clouded over so no actual sunset viewing.  But I did spend some time watching the water, which was just as relaxing.  As I got out of my car, there was a train waiting at the station.  And while looking at it, I realized just how much I had missed riding the train.

Train coming into the Beacon Train Station

The picture I shared was actually from a week before the experience I'm writing about.  I have always, for some reason, loved the moment when you see a train coming around the corner into the train station.  Maybe it is the anticipation of getting on the train.  Sometimes I am at the train station really early so it might be the idea of getting to sit down.  Maybe it's hoping I can find just the right seat to sit in.  Or it may even be related to getting on the train and knowing the train will be taking me somewhere that I am excited to get to.

I'm not really sure.  But what I do know is I really did miss riding the train.  Even though I had to be masked during the ride it was still a great experience, listening to my music, reading a book, and every so often stopping to look out the window or take a picture.

Not sure when the next time will be that I get to ride a train.  It's not really something I ever thought of just doing to do.  But, maybe, since all tickets are considered off-peak until the end of 2021 (there's a travel tip for you!) and ridership seems to be down so there isn't a lot of crowding, it might be something to consider.

Merging is an Ongoing Journey - The Prep I Never Thought I'd Do

The really awesome thing about being part of a large church, with more than 1 person who Lay Servant training, is that there are a whole bunch of us who can do things, lead things, and plan things at any given time.

Laity Sunday is next week.  If you are a follower of my blog, you know I had quite the experience last year.  If you don't and this is your first time, let me sum it up quickly.  After years (and years and years) of planning and doing almost everything on Laity Sunday, I said I was just going to sit back and watch at my new church.  Lesson learned - do not say that in front of your small group leader who also happens to be planning Laity Sunday's service.  Because sit back I did not.

Luckily that experience will be part of the testimony I share on Laity Sunday.

But, here's the prep I never thought I'd do.

I worked with our Laity Team to plan the service.  It was about a month out when I figured we needed to start thinking about the service and, well, the planning began.  Yesterday I did the last of the planning, when I reviewed the various music that will be part of the service.

Taking up Sparkle's space on my bed with music prep

There have been so many different stages in my merging journey.  And celebrating as I passed the "it's been a year since..." anniversaries.  A year since the last worship service.  A year since our merger service.  And now coming up on a year since I did something in church that started a whole other journey I thought would never happen.  At least not as soon as it did.

Laity Sunday 2020 marked a special point in my life, both in church and at a personal level.  I've written about them before and they are part of what I will be sharing on Sunday.  So, maybe it was only appropriate that I did more for Laity Sunday 2021 than I thought I ever would.  I have had such growth and sometimes it has scared me and other times it has amazed me.  But through it all, I know that God has been the one guiding me, leading me, and supporting me.  

(Even when someone flusters me before I have to do something at church!)
 

Delayed Thursday Thoughts - Clarity

I was kinda busy yesterday, so I didn't get my usual blog up.  Ah well!  And now I write my delayed Thursday Thoughts.

I posted a picture on Facebook yesterday as the fog started to clear along my way on the train to New York City, talking a bit about clarity.  I didn't want to write a whole lot on the picture because usually if there is a long story, sometimes people just tune out and I figured my blog would be a great place to address it.

A brief moment of clarity at church before heading into a meeting (10/6/2021)

I have been seeking, through prayer, clarity (and patience) for many months now.  The prayer, for me, has been about a very specific personal thing.  Some people may guess what it is related to.  Others, maybe not.  But, this for me is still a prayer that I am praying because I am still seeking both clarity and patience on this particular personal thing.

But what I did find, was that while seeking clarity and patience on the personal thing, I found clarity (not really needing patience) on some other things.  Which, okay, I would have preferred the clarity on the personal thing going on.  BUT I do also know that God moves the way God is supposed to move and at least as I was praying for clarity on one thing, I received clarity in another way.

Where is my clarity?

Well, if you read one of the captions to one of the photos I posted yesterday, you will remember that the clarity was related to church stuff.  And I just wanted to speak a bit more on that.

What God has made clear for me is that I am no longer in a small church where there wasn't a whole lot going on anymore.  Okay, maybe that part didn't need to be clarified for me!  While I was in my small church, I got very involved in our district work and our conference work.  And that is all good stuff to do.  Except now I am part of a very active church with all sorts of stuff going on, and because of all my other responsibilities I am losing the ability to participate in my local church as much as I would like.  God has made it clear that I need to re-evaluate the work I am doing within the district and the conference, and figure out what needs to be taken out of my hands and put in someone else's hands so that I can refocus my efforts locally.

I have some sense of what I need to do, which is good.  Some of that has been made pretty clear to me.  But I am still trying to make some decisions as well.

And who knows, maybe when I get through all this clarity that God is providing, maybe my personal clarity will be revealed!  One can only hope.  Or at least I can only hope!  

So I continue to pray for clarity (and patience).  In all things, both related to church and related to my personal life.

Merging is an Ongoing Journey - Doing Things Alone ( = Stress)

I'm going to start this blog off by saying how I have talked several times about how it's great to be part of a group of people who do things.  There is more than one person in church who can take care of services while the pastor is away.  There is more than one person who is part of the technical team.  There is more than one person who can lead things.  And I am beyond grateful for that.

But sometimes, every great once and awhile, there is a time when one is alone.  That was me yesterday for an afternoon service.  Where I ran two computers and a sound board (Note: only viewed the sound board, never was really trained on it).....without coffee for 2 days.

Can you say STRESS?

Yes, I can.

Once things got going, I felt a bit better.

By the time it was all over, I wanted to just sit on the floor.  But anywhere in the sanctuary didn't seem appropriate so I went to my next favorite place, the choir room.  Why the floor?  Because I could stretch my legs out in front of me which, sometimes, is the most comfortable position for me when I'm over tired, stressed, or just have leg fatigue.

What was the next thing to do after that?

My reward...or my need?

COFFEE!!!!!!

Yes, I had my coffee.

I have been trying to avoid coffee on the weekends so I have a good day Sunday singing.  And after church there is usually a stop for coffee somewhere.  But this week I didn't stop until after the 2nd service.

I rely entirely too much on caffeine and especially coffee.  Every time I break away from it, I have disastrous results.  But, I think on days like I had yesterday, it might be a necessary evil to prevent all the other stress and things that come associated with stress.

Yes, I did make it through doing something on my own.  And I'm sure at some point I will have to do that again.  But, here's hoping not for awhile!

Thursday Thoughts - Emotionally Confused

So I had quite the strange experience last weekend.  I had a great Saturday with my sister and niece as we traveled to Stew Leonard's in Danbury.  We got a bunch of stuff and probably should have gotten a cart instead of a basket.  But it was all really good and it was a fun day.  I did my usual Saturday night sunset viewing.  There were more clouds than sun so I didn't stay as long as I intended.  Plus I had a lot of walking to do because the parking lot where I usually went to was all blocked off.  But it wasn't a bad early evening.

Until I started to drive home and all of a sudden I started to cry.  There really was no reason for it.  I just felt very sad.  But it's not like I was sad because the sunset was full of clouds.  There had been a bit of a rainbow so that made up for the clouds!  And it wasn't too hot, so all the walking I had to do didn't discourage me.  So I can't explain my emotions.  I figured I'd go to sleep and wake up in the morning and be fine.

Sometimes hope is like the sun bursting from the clouds

Well, I wake up Sunday and feel, not ecstatic.  But I feel okay.  I get to church and do all the rehearsal stuff that I have to do and still feel alright.  We always pray before worship service.  And, as we start to pray, guess what happens?  If you guessed I started to cry, you would be right.  Again, out of nowhere for no reason I just start crying.  I'm able to get myself composed enough to sing and participate in service.

Until after the sermon when we had a time of prayer and I spent the entire silent time...crying.  And not having access to TISSUES!  Argh!  

I mean, I get having to let it all out sometimes.  But usually there's a reason behind it.  I'm stressed.  Maybe I'm sad.  Maybe I was hurt by something.  Maybe I'm in pain.  But it was frustrating that I had no idea why my body just said "CRY CRY CRY" and there was no reason behind it.

I felt emotionally confused.  Nothing in particular last weekend seemed to trigger it.  Except if I tried to talk about the original breakdown in my car.  Because then I just felt silly crying in front of people for no reason at all.  I mean, sure I could come up with reasons as to why I wanted to cry.  But they weren't things at the front of my mind when it was happening.

By Monday I was starting to feel marginally better and by Tuesday things seemed to be back on track.

Sometimes I just get like this, I guess.  And maybe I have to accept that sometimes there isn't a reason for it.  But I kind of wish there was so I had a better time articulating things to others about it.

Merging is an Ongoing Journey - Sight-reading & Strong Musical Memories

Sometimes my default is to write about music or musical musings because that is where my passion lies.  And after fighting some strange unknown emotional whatever this past weekend, and as a result, had one of my wicked "I can't even sleep" headaches I'm moving to my default.

One of the things about an ongoing journey is some of the familiar yet not of being part of a church choir.  For many years at Wappingers I was part of the choir, I took a break, then I returned, then I left again.  And now I am part of the PUMC choir.  This means regular rehearsals on Thursday nights and lots of laughter.  Because choir is fun.  Don't get me wrong, it's hard work too.  But it is fun as well.

One of the things I'm getting really good at again is sight-reading.  I was never a great sight-reader when it came to the flute.  However, I was pretty decent at using the same skill for singing.  It was a skill that I stopped using for awhile, because when you're not singing any more, you don't really use the skills you had for reading music.  But now I'm back singing again and using my sight-reading skills once again.  A lot, actually.  Because undoubtedly when we get a different piece of music in our folders, our awesome director Polly says, "You know this one, we've sung it before" and I say, "definitely a new piece for me!" 

So, I've been learning a lot of new music.

But at the same time, it has brought up some really strong musical memories for me as of late.

Sunset by the old UMC of Wappingers (3/2021)

The most recent strong musical memory is "Brother James Air" which is based on Psalm 23.  While I was in choir, we sang a lot of anthems.  If I heard them, I'd probably remember them.  Aside from some of the big pieces we did, there are very few single anthems that stick in my brain.  One is Faure's The Palms.  But the other was Brother James Air.  It is such a beautiful song that can be done with or without accompaniment (I've done it both), with a mixed choir or just female voices, and a lot people or just a few people.  It is such a great strong musical memory that I went on a tear Friday night and Saturday to find various videos of it on YouTube, just so I could relive others singing the song I could just pulled out of my head randomly, even if I hadn't sung it in years (which, I can do now because I haven't sung it in years and years).

Sometimes memories make one sad.  This particular song could make people sad too, because of the scripture it is based off of.  But this one makes me happy.  Even though it has been so long since I sang it with choir, and the people who I sang it with have moved on to other places, it still evokes such joy in me. 

So if you see/hear me singing it, and you see me with tears in my eyes, it's not because I am sad singing it, but I am so joyful I am crying.  Because I do that too!

Thursday Thoughts - Thoughts on a National Story

If you know me, you know that I hardly ever speak up or speak out on things that are in the news.  I have opinions to be sure.  I just never vocalize them outside of close family, friends, and sometimes if it comes up in a work environment.  But the current news story surrounding Gabby Petito has made me want to share something.

I do want to say, first, it isn't strictly about this particular news story.  It is bringing up a lot of other things, like why other missing people cases aren't the subject of national news.  And that definitely deserves attention.

It is more about hearing another situation where a couple, who you'd think were in love, going somewhere, and coming back with one half of the couple missing with no reason why.  Gabby isn't the first this has happened to nor is she the last.  But here is where I am at.

Me on 9/11/2021

This is me just a couple weeks ago, in one of my happy places, by the river at the Beacon train station with the sun setting behind me.  But this is me.  How I look, forgetting to take my sling bag off before taking the picture so you get flowers and the tank top I was wearing and a half smile as I awkwardly take the selfie and hope no one thinks I'm silly doing that.  It's me.

In posts on social media as well as in past blog entries I have talked about wanting to be part of a relationship.  Not one with God or my family or my friends, but being in a romantic relationship - or at least being able to go on a good date.  Sometimes it is because I feel like that is what the world expects of everyone and I am somehow less of a person because I don't have that.  Sometimes it's because I see couples out there and can't figure out how they are in a relationship and I can't find anyone.  And sometimes it's just because I really want that feeling again and it makes me sad that I don't have anyone who wants to hold my hand or just sit close to me or with their arm around me.

I'm not looking for pity.  Because as much as I desire all that and miss all that, here is where my brain went this past weekend:

"I want to fall in love again and I want a relationship and I want to get married, even though I'm 45 and look like me.  But I'm so afraid that some guy is going to come along, say they want to marry me, give me a ring and we start to plan the wedding.  And then I'm going to wind up like Gabby."

As much as I want love, I'm almost afraid of finding it because what happens if it seems to be going all great until it goes all wrong?   I guess, at least for me, if it ever comes to that, I'll definitely be seeking God's guidance!

Thanks for listening...or reading rather.

Merging is an Ongoing Journey - My Pastor is Unique

I guess you could say that about a lot of pastors.  They all have something about them that makes them different (or unique) from other pastors.

But here are just some of the ways my pastor is unique.

PUMC 9/19/2021

You see that upper left-hand corner?  That's a screen.  With my pastor sharing a sermon.  That he prerecorded.  While he was away on a trip with other church members.  That we played during our worship service.  That also got played over Zoom and YouTube.  All because he didn't want to overwhelm the lay servants and leaders who would be there to support the service.

Sometimes being the only person who comfortably and easily ran services (including giving a sermon), I've had pastors who have just said "I won't be there on this date" and I'd say about 95% of the time, I could cover without an issue.  Even if I covered multiple weeks in a row.  Or multiple times over the course of a few months.  I'm not complaining about it at all!  Each time was another opportunity to connect with God's Word that week and learn something new and share what God showed me to others.

But it was first strange for me to be added amongst a good sized group of laity who are also leaders in the church and have no issue providing a sermon or running a service.  So, it's not always me who has to step up.  But that is part of our job, is to be able to step up and cover when our pastor wants to take a weekend off to do something fun.

My pastor is unique in that he also cares for his laity and worries about overburdening them, while we the laity worry about overburdening our pastor.

So you saw the technology right?  Well, that's nothing really new because since the pandemic I'm sure a lot of pastors have created messages that they either gave live or prerecorded and posted somewhere for their congregants (and others) to see.  But, we played this prerecorded message during our service.  So it was like our pastor was there with us.

My pastor is unique in that he can be with us and still teach us in that way that we learn so much from, even when he isn't physically with us.

There are many other ways that my pastor is unique.  But these two reasons in particular are ones that I wanted to write about today.

I feel like I keep saying this, but as hard as the merging process was for me, it has also helped me grow.  Not just in musical ways.  Or gaining new friends.  Or new perspectives.  But also for expanding my knowledge in different areas, like how to use technology to reach all that we can.  And also for helping me learn how to be a better leader at church and a guide at church and a presenter at church.  Not just from my pastor but others in leadership positions as well.

I am so glad that every pastor is unique.  Because there is so much out there for me to learn.

Thursday Thoughts - 10 Random Thoughts

So I thought I'd share some more random thoughts that I've had over the past several months....

See Random Thought 1...

1 - My favorite spot to park and view the sunset (see above) has been torn up and stayed in the same state for a month. When is it going to change?  And be done?

2 - With COVID everything has been about not touching a lot of things in public areas, like bathrooms.  So, why isn't everything sensor-activated?  I've seen places with automatic sinks and paper towels, but not soap, or auto sinks and soap but not paper towels and no air driers in site.  There are very few places that have auto sinks, auto soap, and auto drying (paper or air).

3 - I hate the feeling I get during or after a headache when I seem to be much slower in articulating my words.

4 - I love bass lines.  (Have I said that before?)

5 - No, I am not stressed about church.

6 - I need to remember to drink more water at work.  And by "drink more water" I mean, more than 1 reusable bottle.  Or buy stock in coconut water.

7 - I had to buy a new reusable ice pack because my other packs have gone missing.  However, it froze so stiff I couldn't use it the way I wanted to.  So I have another hunt for an ice pack in my future.

8 - When I hear really good music I can't stop moving.  Though sometimes I really have to try because it may not be a situation where it is appropriate to show you are appreciating the music.

9 - I need to learn to save some of the pictures I take and not share them all to social media so I have something left for blog entries.

10 - I need to be patient and keep practicing my moon photos.  Because they are really cool!

Merging is an Ongoing Journey - I Shall Not Stress (?)

In my time at PUMC, I have written a sermon and led worship with the assistance of others, I have worked on an entire service including selecting music and prayers and everything in between, and now I'm preparing to lead worship that has been designed by our Pastor, including a sermon that will be recorded ahead of time.  The only thing I have to come up with is a Children's Message, prayers of the people, and a benediction.  And what I'd call transition words as we go from thing to thing.

So, no problem, right?

Sparkle when I'm stressed

I promised someone yesterday that I would not stress.  Because the last time when I did everything for the service, my stress level was apparently quite evident on my face until the service was over.

This is no stress, though, right?

I am trying to not let it show on my face.

But reality is, I don't want to mess things up for my pastor who will be away for a well-deserved weekend of enjoyment.  Or any of the other people who usually do "things" who will also be away for the same weekend of enjoyment.  Or the people who are present at church or will be viewing the service online.  I know whatever happens will happen and there won't be anything I can do about it.

So, right now, I am doing a good job (I hope) of not letting the stress show.  (Maybe?)  And I'm hoping that it stays that way.  I don't want to break my promise to my friend.  So I'm going to try really hard not to stress.  Or at least if I do, that no one can tell I'm stressed!

Thursday Thoughts - COVID has Changed Me

I didn't think I'd ever write something like this.  But here I am, writing it.

TSO 2019

This is a picture I took from the last concert I attended in person, the Trans-Siberian Orchestra (and from the front row too!).  They are doing sales now for fan club members who registered to be part of an early sale.  Unfortunately none of their shows are as close as I would like (closest is at Mohegan Sun in CT) - not even Albany which is where I have gone for years!  By the time I got into the sale this morning, most of the good seats were gone and I'm thinking, you know, I think maybe I won't go this year...or maybe I'll see what's available later when maybe I'm further away from people.

I love TSO.  They have been a concert staple for me for at least 10 years.  But COVID has changed me.  I no longer want to be in the front few rows or sections sitting practically on top of people's laps because they jam those seats as close together as humanly possible.  I'm disappointed, but not terribly so.

Same goes for New York Comic Con (NYCC).  The past several years I have gone all 4 days of the event, loving the train trip down and the subway travel to the Javits Center, and the busyness of the day and the crowds and everything.  This year, though they have reduced the capacity for each day, I'm really only excited about the first day - because I go with my bestie Jess!  But, though they have started to release panels and guests for other days, I don't have tickets for those days.  And I'm okay with not going.  I have this special membership thing and I'm trying to figure out how the online access works for things.  And I might go down one more day.  But usually I wind up getting all the stuff I want to on the first day and then use the other days for panels.  And I'm okay with not being in that environment.  At least not this year.

As I was contemplating these two events that I missed last year I realized that COVID has changed me.  I enjoyed people having to give space on line in a grocery store, because who needs someone hitting you with their cart?  Or hovering in your space?  I'm okay being together with smaller groups - like at church or work.  But I'm not sure about HUGELY LARGE groups.  At least not yet.

I didn't think it would change me the way it did.  But it has.  And I just thought I'd share.

Merging is an Ongoing Journey - Hanging Out with A Friend

 Back in high school I was involved in our church's youth group.  We liked to encourage other people to come to be part of our group, so I (and others) routinely invited our friends from school to join us in activities.  It was great because there weren't a lot of people in the church my own age, so having my friends there was really a lot of fun.

But as I grew older in church, I found that there was a separation between my church friends/family and my non-church family.  It was strange if you happened to run into someone you knew from church in somewhere that wasn't church - like the grocery store, a mall, or a restaurant.  Not a bad strange, just like a surprising strange that usually became a highlight of my day.

However, now as part of my journey, it seems that I am experiencing friendship within and outside of a church setting, with at least a few people.

The Wanamaker Organ 9/3/2021

Friday (9/3) I got to experience a road trip with a friend from church to do something that had nothing related to church.  And that was to see and hear the Wanamaker Organ in Philadelphia, PA.  This is the largest organ in the world (if you use an organ's ranks as a guide).  It was a long day, but a good one.  A safe trip down.  Being able to see and hear the organ.  Not getting lost.  Talking a lot.  Having lunch at, of all places, FRIENDLY'S (so glad I came across it).  I did a bit of singing to my driving mix.  Being able to stop at Wawa for my French Vanilla Cappuccino drinks. Driving home with some silence and some talking.

We so often think that you have to keep your church family/friends separate from your personal family/friends.  The only time you see and spend time with people from church is at church or some church-related function.  And that is a great way to get to know people better, so I'm not saying that is bad.  But what I have learned through my time at PUMC is that you don't necessarily have to keep those friendships within church events.  I know there are other gatherings that happen between church people that are outside the normal bounds of church.  And while church stuff may be discussed, it's not like a forced meeting or discussion - it happens naturally.

I'm hoping to have more of those experiences - not sure when, but at some point in the future!  It was a great day, and it would be nice to have more days like that.