Tuesday Thoughts - Another Thing I Miss

I am going to be 48 next month. And at least through December of this year, there was something I had to do otherwise I would fear the wrath of Mom. And that was call her at certain times.

Mom's Entry in my Phone

There were times I stayed late at work - sometimes it was because something was going on at work and I had to be there. Sometimes it was to attend an online meeting because it was quieter than trying to be at the same meeting at home. Before I left campus, I had to call home to let Mom know I was coming home.

There were times I headed down to White Plains for Conference meetings. Usually by the time I got there I only had time for a quick text to my sister, asking her to relay the message that I got to my destination okay. But when that wasn't possible, there were quick calls home to let Mom know I was there okay. And there were always calls once I got on the highway to let her know I was on my way home.

When I returned to choir or was at church for a meeting, there was always a call when I was on my way home.

Oh, and when I returned home from 1-day treks to Cape Cod to help Mom get herself up there or drive her and Dad around to places that they couldn't find, there was a call once I got home to let Mom know I made it home okay.

This went on until she was admitted in the hospital in January.

I don't know if it seemed weird to me because I lived in the house with her or what. But for years I found it slightly annoying. 

Until late last week. When it hit me that all Mom was doing was showing that she cared about me.

And I found I really missed being able to call her to let her know I was somewhere or that I was headed home. Not that I'm able to get out as much as I used to. 

The rest of my family cares about me - but there was just something different about the connection we had when I made those calls. 

I miss that caring.

I miss my Mom.

Tuesday Thoughts - Smooshy Sleeping Sparkle

 

Good Morning Sparkle (7/9/2024)

From the moment she came home with us, Sparkle has slept in a crate. Say what you want about crate training, it has worked well for us. And, over the past few years having to call 911 more times than I care to admit, having the crate for Sparkle to stay in when EMTs arrive (what we are told to do with the dog when they are on the way) has been helpful.

For the first several months at our home, I did have to lie by the crate to get Sparkle to go to sleep. But eventually I just had to sit by the crate. And then sit somewhere in sight of Sparkle, and then somewhere on the couch. Once she seems asleep (she has a few different positions that indicate this) I go to my room and go to bed.

Well lately we have continued our routine. And then one of three things happens:

1) Sparkle sleeps through the night in her crate like she always has. (This is becoming a less rare thing.)

2) I get ready for bed, turn out my light, lay down, and Sparkle wakes up and cries quietly.

3) I get ready for bed, turn out my light, lay down, watch videos for a bit, roll over and go to sleep for half an hour then get woken up by a YELP from Sparkle.

When 2 or 3 happens, I've learned now it isn't because she has to go out but because for whatever reason she thinks she needs to sleep with me. Which is quite the adjustment with a single-sized bed. And a dog that likes to stretch sometimes.

I'm not sure why all of a sudden she has this need to sleep with me.

Some nights I understand it. Because some nights I have struggled to sleep and at least her being near me has helped calm me down. Some nights I get sad and knowing she is there helps a little and keeps me from crying. Some nights I am just so frustrated with things and though I don't ever show it, I guess somehow she senses it.

But most nights - I just don't know what is going on.

Sure I can't take up my entire bed when I sleep when she is there. And sometimes I scare her awake if I have a nightmare and I start yelling in my sleep. But I can't be mad at her.  Because when I wake she is either sprawled on my feet like a pillow. Or she is laying next to me looking at me. Or she is along my side so when I sit up she sees me. And I guess in her mind, somewhere, it makes sense for her to be with me. Even though sometimes I can't for the life of me figure out why.