Thursday Thoughts - Thoughts on a National Story

If you know me, you know that I hardly ever speak up or speak out on things that are in the news.  I have opinions to be sure.  I just never vocalize them outside of close family, friends, and sometimes if it comes up in a work environment.  But the current news story surrounding Gabby Petito has made me want to share something.

I do want to say, first, it isn't strictly about this particular news story.  It is bringing up a lot of other things, like why other missing people cases aren't the subject of national news.  And that definitely deserves attention.

It is more about hearing another situation where a couple, who you'd think were in love, going somewhere, and coming back with one half of the couple missing with no reason why.  Gabby isn't the first this has happened to nor is she the last.  But here is where I am at.

Me on 9/11/2021

This is me just a couple weeks ago, in one of my happy places, by the river at the Beacon train station with the sun setting behind me.  But this is me.  How I look, forgetting to take my sling bag off before taking the picture so you get flowers and the tank top I was wearing and a half smile as I awkwardly take the selfie and hope no one thinks I'm silly doing that.  It's me.

In posts on social media as well as in past blog entries I have talked about wanting to be part of a relationship.  Not one with God or my family or my friends, but being in a romantic relationship - or at least being able to go on a good date.  Sometimes it is because I feel like that is what the world expects of everyone and I am somehow less of a person because I don't have that.  Sometimes it's because I see couples out there and can't figure out how they are in a relationship and I can't find anyone.  And sometimes it's just because I really want that feeling again and it makes me sad that I don't have anyone who wants to hold my hand or just sit close to me or with their arm around me.

I'm not looking for pity.  Because as much as I desire all that and miss all that, here is where my brain went this past weekend:

"I want to fall in love again and I want a relationship and I want to get married, even though I'm 45 and look like me.  But I'm so afraid that some guy is going to come along, say they want to marry me, give me a ring and we start to plan the wedding.  And then I'm going to wind up like Gabby."

As much as I want love, I'm almost afraid of finding it because what happens if it seems to be going all great until it goes all wrong?   I guess, at least for me, if it ever comes to that, I'll definitely be seeking God's guidance!

Thanks for listening...or reading rather.