Thursday Thoughts - Emotionally Confused

So I had quite the strange experience last weekend.  I had a great Saturday with my sister and niece as we traveled to Stew Leonard's in Danbury.  We got a bunch of stuff and probably should have gotten a cart instead of a basket.  But it was all really good and it was a fun day.  I did my usual Saturday night sunset viewing.  There were more clouds than sun so I didn't stay as long as I intended.  Plus I had a lot of walking to do because the parking lot where I usually went to was all blocked off.  But it wasn't a bad early evening.

Until I started to drive home and all of a sudden I started to cry.  There really was no reason for it.  I just felt very sad.  But it's not like I was sad because the sunset was full of clouds.  There had been a bit of a rainbow so that made up for the clouds!  And it wasn't too hot, so all the walking I had to do didn't discourage me.  So I can't explain my emotions.  I figured I'd go to sleep and wake up in the morning and be fine.

Sometimes hope is like the sun bursting from the clouds

Well, I wake up Sunday and feel, not ecstatic.  But I feel okay.  I get to church and do all the rehearsal stuff that I have to do and still feel alright.  We always pray before worship service.  And, as we start to pray, guess what happens?  If you guessed I started to cry, you would be right.  Again, out of nowhere for no reason I just start crying.  I'm able to get myself composed enough to sing and participate in service.

Until after the sermon when we had a time of prayer and I spent the entire silent time...crying.  And not having access to TISSUES!  Argh!  

I mean, I get having to let it all out sometimes.  But usually there's a reason behind it.  I'm stressed.  Maybe I'm sad.  Maybe I was hurt by something.  Maybe I'm in pain.  But it was frustrating that I had no idea why my body just said "CRY CRY CRY" and there was no reason behind it.

I felt emotionally confused.  Nothing in particular last weekend seemed to trigger it.  Except if I tried to talk about the original breakdown in my car.  Because then I just felt silly crying in front of people for no reason at all.  I mean, sure I could come up with reasons as to why I wanted to cry.  But they weren't things at the front of my mind when it was happening.

By Monday I was starting to feel marginally better and by Tuesday things seemed to be back on track.

Sometimes I just get like this, I guess.  And maybe I have to accept that sometimes there isn't a reason for it.  But I kind of wish there was so I had a better time articulating things to others about it.