Merging is a New Journey - Outside Looking In

Church Family before a Maundy Thursday service

So, for over a month, I have been participating in viewing the live stream services at Poughkeepsie UMC (PUMC).  It has been great seeing the familiar usernames each week chatting, offering peace, and just being present for the service.

But it reminded me that I will be back in an uncomfortable place, once again, when we get through all this and we are able to meet as a physical church body.  The uncomfortable place?  Outside looking in.

I am quite introverted.  I have gotten out of my shell a bit, especially as I am involved in district and conference-wide events and meetings.  But, it still takes me awhile in unfamiliar places to open up and be myself and get to know people.

And soon (I hope) I will be in this uncomfortable place again.  Outside the familiarity of knowing most of the people that filled the pews I was so accustomed to and having to test my brain regularly, learning everyone's names and what they do.  (Because guess what?  I'm bad at names!)

I know it will do me good to be in this vulnerable place.  In this time when we are all separated from each other, I really do miss and know I will miss the familiarity of knowing pretty much everyone who walks through the doors and what is going on with them.  But I look forward to the day when I can start this uncomfortable process of starting over.  And I look forward to the day when my feeling of being outside looking in moves to the feeling of being inside once again.

Merging is a New Journey - I Feel Bad for Resting

Yesterday was the first Easter Service where I literally had nothing to do but listen after many years of being so involved, in some way, with an Easter Service.

In fact, this past week was the first Holy Week where I literally had nothing to do but listen to services after many years of being so involved in some way with any one (or more) of the services held during the week.

I know that God has this time of rest for me, because I have sorely needed it.  Not just because we are all staying home and watching online church services.  But because I just do not have anything to do.

Please, do not take this as me having a need to do something.  It is just a very strange feeling after so many years of doing (and doing and doing) to not do.  After years of being a Martha, it was different to be a Mary.

My subconscious felt like it was wrong.  So much so, that I kept trying to do all the things at home.

I had to be part of dying 32 eggs, even though everyone else was home and clearly capable of taking over.

I had to make the dessert because it needed to get done and mom had a headache.

I had to do all of Easter dinner (except for the green bean casserole that my sister likes to do - and she does an excellent job of).  And yes, that also means cutting the ham, which I learned I was terrible at.

Family Cookbook with the Required Sauce for Ham

I made a sauce that I don't eat, but my mom loves it, so I make it.  Glad she put the recipe in the Kerr Family Cookbook!

I made another sauce that I couldn't remember how it was supposed to taste, so I hope I got the right mix of ginger ale to brown sugar.

And still, after doing all this, I felt like I didn't do enough.  I didn't do enough to celebrate Christ's entry into Jerusalem.  I didn't do enough to remember His last meal with His disciples.  I didn't do enough to contemplate His death.  And I certainly didn't do enough to celebrate Jesus rising from the dead.

Or so my brain tries to make me think.

What it did show me, was that this period of rest for me is still new.  And though I am still working (from home) and still in school (last class), I am learning that I still need to find time to rest.  Because only through rest will I be rejuvenated and able to serve God in greater ways.

Merging is a New Journey - A Sense of Belonging Before I Belong

It has been a while since I posted.  Not much has gone on since my last post.  Our merger is still progressing, as far as I know.

But I just wanted to write about how, even though we have not officially deconsecrated our sanctuary and started worshipping in person with Poughkeepsie UMC (due to COVID-19 stuff), there has been a sense of belonging before I belong.

It started about three weeks ago when someone from the church called and left a message on our voicemail, checking in with us, knowing we were going to become part of the church family and making sure we knew about the online worship (we did - my sister and I have been watching since it started) and that if we needed anything, we could call.

We were not yet part of the family, yet we were being checked on like part of the family.

Then fast forward to this past week.  It was my niece's 8th birthday.  I am not shy about my love for my niece.  Originally she had great plans for her birthday weekend.  But, of course, COVID-19 changed all that.  She wasn't able to go out.  She couldn't celebrate her birthday like she wanted.  So I tried to come up with special ways to make the day a bit better.

First was reaching out to my UMC of Wappingers family and asked them to send a card or note.  A bunch did - so thank you for that!  It was a great surprise to her and my sister.

But then I took a stab and reached out to our soon-to-be new pastor, Pastor Jody, and asked if he would make a video wishing Anastasia a Happy Birthday.

Anastasia after she watched the video from Pastor Jody

And you know what?  He did.  Not only did he say happy birthday, but he sang to her.  And she was quite happy about it.  (See photo evidence to the left.)

It has been a long time since I have had the experience of being in a new church family.  I've welcomed new people.  I've met new people as I do things around the district.  But all this truly made me feel like I was part of the family...even though technically we aren't yet.

Thank you Poughkeepsie UMC for making us feel so welcome.