Merging is a New Journey - I Feel Bad for Resting

Yesterday was the first Easter Service where I literally had nothing to do but listen after many years of being so involved, in some way, with an Easter Service.

In fact, this past week was the first Holy Week where I literally had nothing to do but listen to services after many years of being so involved in some way with any one (or more) of the services held during the week.

I know that God has this time of rest for me, because I have sorely needed it.  Not just because we are all staying home and watching online church services.  But because I just do not have anything to do.

Please, do not take this as me having a need to do something.  It is just a very strange feeling after so many years of doing (and doing and doing) to not do.  After years of being a Martha, it was different to be a Mary.

My subconscious felt like it was wrong.  So much so, that I kept trying to do all the things at home.

I had to be part of dying 32 eggs, even though everyone else was home and clearly capable of taking over.

I had to make the dessert because it needed to get done and mom had a headache.

I had to do all of Easter dinner (except for the green bean casserole that my sister likes to do - and she does an excellent job of).  And yes, that also means cutting the ham, which I learned I was terrible at.

Family Cookbook with the Required Sauce for Ham

I made a sauce that I don't eat, but my mom loves it, so I make it.  Glad she put the recipe in the Kerr Family Cookbook!

I made another sauce that I couldn't remember how it was supposed to taste, so I hope I got the right mix of ginger ale to brown sugar.

And still, after doing all this, I felt like I didn't do enough.  I didn't do enough to celebrate Christ's entry into Jerusalem.  I didn't do enough to remember His last meal with His disciples.  I didn't do enough to contemplate His death.  And I certainly didn't do enough to celebrate Jesus rising from the dead.

Or so my brain tries to make me think.

What it did show me, was that this period of rest for me is still new.  And though I am still working (from home) and still in school (last class), I am learning that I still need to find time to rest.  Because only through rest will I be rejuvenated and able to serve God in greater ways.