Well, I'm sure there will be other "this"es that will come along. But, there are a few things that happened this week that truly led me to feel like there were many things leading to this. This place where I am in church, what I am doing in church, and what I am doing to support my time in church.
The more recent revelation started coming to fruition on Thursday evening when one of the choir members mentioned to me that I really seemed to fit in with the choir. After not being part of a group like that for a long time, it was nice to hear that. And to realize it. A far cry from when I first started going and tried to keep to myself. (That is impossible in choir!)
This sat with me more and more - the feeling of really fitting in - when I went on a Discipleship Walk on Saturday morning. It was just myself and one other person. We spent time in prayer and then walked on a particularly easy trail. We were talking about different books we had read that maybe were not written in the perspective of the church, but could definitely be used in church applications. And I shared what I had been sitting with - that I really feel like I belong.
Then we had our contemplative worship service. This is a short service with scripture and plenty of time to spend in prayer and meditation on guiding questions related to the scripture. This week since one of the readings was about Doubting Thomas and so our contemplation went to visible or invisible scars that we may have.
I have several visible scars, some from issues with my skin and others from cuts. But I have invisible scars too. Some I have shared. Some I keep inside.
Yesterday I shared with those in attendance about a scar I had deep inside me. A scar that I felt comfortable sharing with those who could hear me. And one that, again, showed to me that I truly belonged where I am.
The scar goes back about 10 years. It made me question a lot of stuff about not only myself but what I thought was the calling God had for my life. It was a wound that I stopped thinking about after awhile, because like all wounds that scar over, the pain eventually fades but the scar remains as a reminder. Yesterday I was reminded of that pain. But as I was reminded of the pain, I was also reminded of the steps I had taken since that pain. The steps forward in growing as a Lay Servant with Preaching. The steps forward in being more involved with my church not just at the local level but the district and conference level. The steps forward as I moved with my church from a very small congregation to part of a larger one in a merger. The steps forward as a leader in my now church home. The steps forward in making new friends and family.
When you have a major injury, you need to do some physical therapy to get back into shape. When I sprained my ankle, I had to do exercises that made my ankle move in order to get it into regular walking shape after not being able to move it for a couple months. When my pinky was broken, I had to bend it once it was healed after it sat straight for 2-3 months in a tiny support thing. Same for my wrist when it was sprained.
Similarly I think all the steps I wound up taking were ways of doing physical therapy so that I could be better for when I came to where I am now.
All that pain. That hurt. The wound. The scar. It all led to this. This moment where I am right now. And while I remember the pain sometimes like it was yesterday I am glad I went through it in order to be right where I am.
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| Morning Sky 4/24/2022 |
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