When Mother's Day hit in May, it seemed both my sister and I struggled with the loss of Mom more than we had the previous year...when it was our first Mother's Day without her. We both said we didn't understand why the second year was harder than the first.
Months have gone by - other celebrations...Dad's birthday. Memorial Day. Fourth of July. My birthday. And now we are at Halloween. And I am so, so sad.
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| Vacating storm clouds 10/30/25 |
I don't understand why. I didn't get to participate in the Halloween celebrations at work this year, but I didn't get to last year either. I did dress up last year but I'm just not feeling it this year. We got candy for the house and as usual I'll be the one handing it out. I've done it for years...last year because I'm the only one who could and years before it was just easier than mom having to move around to do it. So that's nothing new.
But it seems I am really having a problem with Halloween this year. It is making me so sad.
I'm seeing memories of past years when I did dress up - either for work or for the church's Trunk or Treat. And when I would pick up Chinese food for dinner because it was easy to grab before the Trick or Treaters started showing up at the house. And it all makes me so sad. So sad that this year, the first time in so many years, I'm just making stuff at home for dinner for Dad and I because I don't want Chinese food.
I don't get it. Why is year 2 so much harder than year 1? And why am I sitting here trying to type this up through tears? I mean, it's only Halloween! Growing up Halloween was fun - but it wasn't like what you would think of as a family holiday like Thanksgiving or Christmas.
I wish I had the answer because I'd be telling myself what the answer is so I'd stop crying!
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