Merging is a New Journey - I took a Break!

Looking down to the Hudson River from the Locust Grove Estate (6/2020)

As an active church-goer, and now a church-viewer, I would only take three Sundays off a year.  One, when my sister, brother-in-law, and niece would attend the annual March for Babies...two, Opening Weekend at work...and three, New York Comic Con.  Because I wore so many hats, I tried not to miss any other Sundays, even if I wasn't feeling well, had been out late the night before, or for any other reason. 

Since this weekend was so nice - sunny and cooler than it has been - I took Sunday off and went to Locust Grove to walk the trails, something I have been wanting to do since I went on the house tour a couple Christmas Breaks ago.

I know, shame on me.  I not only had a service prepared by Annual Conference leadership I could have watched but I also had a Lay Leader I could have supported and watched.

But, I felt like I needed the break.  I needed some time to myself to be with nature.  And essentially cross something off my unwritten bucket list.

So, how is this related to merging?

Well, I think I am starting to learn to rest and not feel like I have to volunteer to help with everything.  I am starting to learn when I need a break for myself, and that I need to take that break.  I am learning that, yes, church is extremely important and I can't be taking this break every week - but sometimes it is nice to experience God in a different way.

Sunday I experienced God in nature.  Through the sounds of silence, birds, wind in the leaves, water running by in little streams or down small rock embankments, in the train that went by, and yes even in the kids who were running down the trails very far ahead of their parents.

I do plan on going back and watching the recording of both services I had access to.  But I think in this strange time, where I have spent most of my days in my room behind a closed door working the best that I can, God was calling me to spend time with Him outside where I could pray and contemplate and see where He has me going to next.

Merging is a New Journey - It is Official

Pastor Sandy receiving a quilt from Bible Study members - Photo Credit: Bob Boisvert

It is funny how a single image can bring forth such memories.  I talked about this a bit in my last blog in the Merging is a New Journey series I have been writing.  The image above was taken after members of the Bible Study group at the time presented our Pastor, Pastor Sandy Mantz, with a quilt they had made for her.

For me, I was working with the youth group along with Pastor Sandy.  We had a meal prior to this, and were planning to drive to an event afterwards.  So it brings back all my great memories working with numerous youth over the years either in youth group or confirmation class.  Some I have kept up with, thanks to Facebook.  Others, not so much.  Though they all remain in my memories and I hope, where ever they are, they are doing well and staying safe in this time.

We received word early this morning that our merger is official.  The journey we have been on is almost over.  There are still some things that remain and due to the world we are in, a lot of logistics that still need to be addressed.

We try not to think too much of the past and the way things "used to be" because they will never be that way again.  But remembering fondly the memories is not necessarily a bad thing.

I have great memories of singing in the Junior Choir, and some of those songs are still in my head today (Today is Monday, so I can't do anything 'til Tuesday, so I guess I'll start on Wednesday, but Wednesday's my day off....there's always Thursday, but I'd rather wait 'til Friday, and I sleep late on Saturday...)

Peeling potatoes, washing dishes, drying dishes, running food from the stove to the kitchen window, and tasting the dressing for the cole slaw before it was added to the food.

Rolling under pews.  Playing sardines around the church.  Learning how to navigate the sanctuary in the dark.  Singing.  Reading.  Preaching.  Praying.  Lighting candles.  Greeting.  Hugging.  Waving.  Smiling.  Crying.  Learning.  Growing.

All the while, praising God and honoring God and showing love for God.

When all this is finally finished, maybe my new series will look at the memories I had.

But for now, I look forward to the future.  And I remember the new memories.

A pancake dinner before everything went crazy.

Ash Wednesday service where I poured my heart out to God in prayer, cried, bruised my leg on a pew, and reconnected with Polly James.

Watching service on You Tube and eventually Zoom.

Online Communion.

Dropping off a photo of myself on a plate so Pastor Jody wasn't alone.

Singing loudly in my room during worship and not caring if I sang the wrong notes.

Praising God in a new way.

A New Thought - I am an MBA Grad #mba #classof2020

Entering the Marist Campus (2020)

Last weekend I was supposed to walk across the stage (again) as I completed my Master's Degree in Business Administration (MBA).  But, with everything going on, the Commencement ceremony was postponed.  Normally I work on Commencement day, even when I was graduating, because there was always a rehearsal I had to attend since I also work Commencement ceremonies.  But this year, I took the day off.  My friends and family worked to make the day a good one anyway.  My bosses sent me flowers.  My sister and brother-in-law let me pick dinner and they paid for it.  My sister had a sign made that we put on the front lawn.  And my sister also arranged a "card shower" with family, friends, and friends who are like family sending stuff to her that she put in a nice box that looked like a graduation cap.  Though I couldn't walk across the stage and receive that nice folder that the diploma would sit in, it was a great day.

But I also wanted to take some time to reflect on the past couple years.  I made the decision to return to school for a 3rd Master's Degree because it seemed like it would be a great boost to my resume and help me progress in my job prospects.  While I would never say that learning is easy, even after you do something multiple times, I had thought that I would be able to fare better since I had been through online Master's courses before.  It was one of the hardest things I have done.

I had a concentration in Ethical Leadership, but before I got to be able to take those classes, I had to go through all the other required classes.  Classes like the 21st Century Manager and Analytics Bootcamp were interesting and though required, I enjoyed them.  Classes like Economics, Finance, and Accounting were required and really challenged my brain.  Operations Management overall was interesting, but I struggled with the work because I had a hard time correlating the concepts to how we were finding those numbers using Excel.

I had to learn how to juggle two classes sometimes, which I hadn't had to do before.  My previous two programs you took 2 classes a semester (fall and spring), but one was the first 8 weeks and the other was the 2nd 8 weeks.  This program, except for my last semester, included both an 8 week course (usually at the end of the semester) and a 15 week course.  Time management skills were put to the test and for someone who worked in technology, I still found using a physical planner helped keep my academic life straight (though it didn't always help my non-academic life).

I learned so much from my fellow classmates, many of whom had more experience in things than I did.  I can only hope that they were able to learn a bit from me.  I worked with some great groups, whether we got to pick our groups or were assigned groups.  In my entire graduate career, I have been blessed with the groups I have been a part of.  And for the first time, I even got to share a class with some students that worked with me as one of my electives was an elective in the programs they were taking.

Though I have taken all my courses for Master's degrees online, there has always been an on-site part for me.  Whether it was being able to stay late at work to complete a quiz or assignment, sit in a lounge to read my text, or even print out an article that I could read offline later.  When COVID-19 hit and we had to vacate campus, those things I took for granted were no longer available to me.  I could still work late on assignments, but I was restricted to my laptop screen in my room with a window and dog distraction.  I could print from home, but I didn't like to because at the same time my niece was in school and needed to have things printed for her work - which is more important than my need for a physical piece of paper to read something.  And I had to find time to do my reading, mostly on weekends because that was the only quiet time I had.

Even though I didn't get to walk across a stage in a cap and gown in front of my classmates and other Class of 2020 students receiving their degrees, it does not take away the work I completed, the lessons I learned, and the friends I made along the way.  My transcript said I completed the program 100%.  It was a tough journey for me, but one I feel was worth it.

Merging is a New Journey - When Memories Hit You

Candles lit during an Ash Wednesday Service

If you asked me to choose one photo that was my favorite during my time at Wappingers UMC, I would have a very hard time choosing one.  I have so many.  Some I have taken.  Some others have taken.  Sometimes I'm in the picture.  Sometimes someone else is in the picture.  Sometimes a saint who has gone on has been in the picture.  And sometimes, no one is in the picture, like above.

As part of the closing service, which at this point I think will never happen, I was working on a slide show or short video of photos that I had been given, were found around the church, or that I had personally.  With everything being postponed, it gave me more time to refine the video, work with music, and some other things.

Today I watched the semi-finished product.

I was at first afraid of not being able to hold it together through the entire almost 8-minute thing.  But, as I watched it, I found it wasn't so bad.

Until I got to some of the true memories.  All those fun times.  Fun meals.  Beautiful sanctuary pictures.  The great photos with people who have gone Home to Heaven.  And I lost it a bit.

And that was just what was on my little laptop screen after working for the day!

Even though we are in very strange and tough times, those memories will still remain.  Even though we will no longer be worshipping in the familiar space and will be making new friends, those memories will remain.  Even if I didn't have pictures of them, those memories will remain.  And I think that is the lesson that I learned today.  Yes, there are times when the memories hit you.  But they will be there.  Always.  But they shouldn't keep us from moving forward with whatever path God has for us ahead.  And we will make new memories.  Not to replace the old ones but to add to them.

Merging is a New Journey - Outside Looking In

Church Family before a Maundy Thursday service

So, for over a month, I have been participating in viewing the live stream services at Poughkeepsie UMC (PUMC).  It has been great seeing the familiar usernames each week chatting, offering peace, and just being present for the service.

But it reminded me that I will be back in an uncomfortable place, once again, when we get through all this and we are able to meet as a physical church body.  The uncomfortable place?  Outside looking in.

I am quite introverted.  I have gotten out of my shell a bit, especially as I am involved in district and conference-wide events and meetings.  But, it still takes me awhile in unfamiliar places to open up and be myself and get to know people.

And soon (I hope) I will be in this uncomfortable place again.  Outside the familiarity of knowing most of the people that filled the pews I was so accustomed to and having to test my brain regularly, learning everyone's names and what they do.  (Because guess what?  I'm bad at names!)

I know it will do me good to be in this vulnerable place.  In this time when we are all separated from each other, I really do miss and know I will miss the familiarity of knowing pretty much everyone who walks through the doors and what is going on with them.  But I look forward to the day when I can start this uncomfortable process of starting over.  And I look forward to the day when my feeling of being outside looking in moves to the feeling of being inside once again.

Merging is a New Journey - I Feel Bad for Resting

Yesterday was the first Easter Service where I literally had nothing to do but listen after many years of being so involved, in some way, with an Easter Service.

In fact, this past week was the first Holy Week where I literally had nothing to do but listen to services after many years of being so involved in some way with any one (or more) of the services held during the week.

I know that God has this time of rest for me, because I have sorely needed it.  Not just because we are all staying home and watching online church services.  But because I just do not have anything to do.

Please, do not take this as me having a need to do something.  It is just a very strange feeling after so many years of doing (and doing and doing) to not do.  After years of being a Martha, it was different to be a Mary.

My subconscious felt like it was wrong.  So much so, that I kept trying to do all the things at home.

I had to be part of dying 32 eggs, even though everyone else was home and clearly capable of taking over.

I had to make the dessert because it needed to get done and mom had a headache.

I had to do all of Easter dinner (except for the green bean casserole that my sister likes to do - and she does an excellent job of).  And yes, that also means cutting the ham, which I learned I was terrible at.

Family Cookbook with the Required Sauce for Ham

I made a sauce that I don't eat, but my mom loves it, so I make it.  Glad she put the recipe in the Kerr Family Cookbook!

I made another sauce that I couldn't remember how it was supposed to taste, so I hope I got the right mix of ginger ale to brown sugar.

And still, after doing all this, I felt like I didn't do enough.  I didn't do enough to celebrate Christ's entry into Jerusalem.  I didn't do enough to remember His last meal with His disciples.  I didn't do enough to contemplate His death.  And I certainly didn't do enough to celebrate Jesus rising from the dead.

Or so my brain tries to make me think.

What it did show me, was that this period of rest for me is still new.  And though I am still working (from home) and still in school (last class), I am learning that I still need to find time to rest.  Because only through rest will I be rejuvenated and able to serve God in greater ways.

Merging is a New Journey - A Sense of Belonging Before I Belong

It has been a while since I posted.  Not much has gone on since my last post.  Our merger is still progressing, as far as I know.

But I just wanted to write about how, even though we have not officially deconsecrated our sanctuary and started worshipping in person with Poughkeepsie UMC (due to COVID-19 stuff), there has been a sense of belonging before I belong.

It started about three weeks ago when someone from the church called and left a message on our voicemail, checking in with us, knowing we were going to become part of the church family and making sure we knew about the online worship (we did - my sister and I have been watching since it started) and that if we needed anything, we could call.

We were not yet part of the family, yet we were being checked on like part of the family.

Then fast forward to this past week.  It was my niece's 8th birthday.  I am not shy about my love for my niece.  Originally she had great plans for her birthday weekend.  But, of course, COVID-19 changed all that.  She wasn't able to go out.  She couldn't celebrate her birthday like she wanted.  So I tried to come up with special ways to make the day a bit better.

First was reaching out to my UMC of Wappingers family and asked them to send a card or note.  A bunch did - so thank you for that!  It was a great surprise to her and my sister.

But then I took a stab and reached out to our soon-to-be new pastor, Pastor Jody, and asked if he would make a video wishing Anastasia a Happy Birthday.

Anastasia after she watched the video from Pastor Jody

And you know what?  He did.  Not only did he say happy birthday, but he sang to her.  And she was quite happy about it.  (See photo evidence to the left.)

It has been a long time since I have had the experience of being in a new church family.  I've welcomed new people.  I've met new people as I do things around the district.  But all this truly made me feel like I was part of the family...even though technically we aren't yet.

Thank you Poughkeepsie UMC for making us feel so welcome.