Merging is a New Journey - Why would I want to give this up???

Sometimes I make really (really) stupid choices.  I open my heart to find people who only want one thing from me, or smother me so much that I lose myself, or just want to use me for money, or try to scam me.  All in the name of "love."

So, what does this have to do with my "Merging is a New Journey" series?  Or church in general?

Because I was so convinced someone loved me and wanted to be with me, that I let it pull me away from all that I have been blessed with in my merging journey.

Before worship on a sunny day!

It was a fast, online only "relationship" where the scammer convinced me that he was so in love with me.  That he wanted to be with me forever.  That he would make me happy.  That God led us to be together.  It was literally a Hallmark movie.  Not the one where a former couple reconnects but the one where two strangers meet and within days they are in love with each other.  (In this case, it was 1 side more than my side.)

And then it happened.  "I need you to get me 2 iPhones so I can complete my contract....."  And not only was it to get 2 iPhones, but then it was to also FedEx 2 iPhones to Nigeria.  While still "expressing love" and trying to tell me to "calm down" when I questioned it.  

Nothing about this felt right.  

God kept telling me in different ways that it took me a bit to realize.

But I did, before I was really stupid.

And once I did, something amazing happened.

God continued to show me grace.  My love and appreciation for music returned, because it did not make me as joyful as it usually did.  I started singing randomly again.  I lost that pit in my stomach that make me feel terrible.  I got hungry again.  A stress headache I had went away.  My anxiety level reduced significantly.  The person ahead of me in the drive through at Sonic paid for my impulse buy of a huge soda and mozzarella sticks.  And most of all, the people I have told of my stupidity have assured me that I wasn't stupid - I trusted, and though the trust was misplaced, I realized it before I made a truly stupid mistake and got stuff to send to Nigeria.

But God also showed me that this whole merger process has created a renewed me.  Or, thinking like a Doctor Who fan, a regenerated me.  Someone who has a renewed sense of purpose, life, and a love of worship.  (And music, don't forget the music!)  I feel so stupid that I thought I could give that all up.  But God has placed so many people in my life that I can't imagine them not being part of my life on a regular basis not just through email or phone conversations or text message but also in person or on a screen.

Why would I want to give this up??

There is no reason.

Sometimes this journey has shown me how things have changed from one church to the other.  But this weekend, I learned just how important my renewed faith journey is and how no one should try to steer me from it - even if they say it was a meeting brought together by God.