Merging is a New Journey - Not on the Outside Looking In

As an introvert, I have a hard time inserting myself into situations or jumping into things.  I'll go and do things if asked.  I'll show up to events if I'm interested.  But if you want someone to go first for something that I am at, don't look to me especially if it is a new situation.

Case in point.  Practice for Laity Sunday everyone was just kind of jumping in to practice their songs.  And there was me, waiting for everyone else to go.  Because while I knew I needed to practice, there were a few things keeping me from just jumping up and going.  Like I didn't want a ton of people to hear me.  And other reasons.

I arrived a few weeks later for All Saints Day service and had to practice a solo.  Walked into the sanctuary and froze.  Because I didn't know quite how to approach things to say I was ready to practice.  Same day I didn't feel comfortable taking pictures of the altar with all the candles lit for those who passed in the previous year, until someone else expressed the same thought.

All Saints Day Altar 11/1/2020

It was a sense of still being on the outside, looking in at things as I found my way.

Fast forward to yesterday when, after church, the musical team for the day were in the choir room, all chatting away about stuff.  And I felt like I was no longer on the outside looking in.

For the longest time at Wappingers, I kind of had that same feeling of being on the outside looking in, especially as I got older and more involved in things.  So, like being in Sunday School, Jr. Choir, and Youth Group really didn't have that affect on me.  But as I got more involved in Sr. Choir and other things, I had it.  Like I was there, I was participating, and I knew everyone who was part of everything.  But I just didn't fit completely in with everyone.  Not that anyone was mean or vengeful or anything.  Maybe it was age differences.  Maybe it was length of time.  I don't know.  It took me a long time to not have that feeling.  As everything got smaller there, the outside looking in feeling went away.

Which then makes it strange that now at a larger church I was able to connect with others so quickly and feel so comfortable when I talk about things either on a spiritual level or a personal one.

Or maybe it was just the people I was with?

Whatever the reason, it made me smile at least for a bit...and I hope that happens again real soon!