Merging is a New Journey - Pandemic 1 Year Later

I'm bringing back a favorite picture....

First Worship Service at PUMC! (3/15/2020)

So here we are, one year later.  A year after we were officially in a pandemic.  A year after churches couldn't worship in person.  A year after we were supposed to be merged and attending our first in-person service at PUMC.

But the merger service didn't happen.

We had already had our last worship service.

So we were slightly adrift.

Even though the merger was still in process, I think most of us did what I did...attended online service via YouTube at PUMC.  And remained doing that (until Zoom became part of the mix and some of us probably switched it up) until mid-July, 4 months later, when things became more official.

So much has changed in the last year.

I have made new friends.  I am doing familiar yet new things.  I have gotten and continue to be involved as best as we can in these times.  I thought I would be alone, but I am not.  I thought I would be forgotten about, but I am not.

Things have changed in the world itself too and I have come to appreciate doing things like walking outside more. 

It was not the year I expected, nor was it the year anyone else expected.  It was the year we were given though, and we just had to make the best of it.  Which I think we have.  And I continue to do so.

Thursday Thoughts - Sunsets

So, I've been sharing a lot of pictures lately of the sun setting.

Near the border of NY & PA - A long time ago

Seeing or watching the sun set brings about various emotions but also helps in bringing about some peace to my day.

There is no denying one of the emotions that I have is one of thankfulness that I am able to find places to see the sun set and also the ability to take pictures so I can always reflect on the beauty of this from God.  

Another emotion is this strange sadness because I often see these sunsets alone, and I just really want to share them with someone else.

But what fills me the most is just that sense of peace.  That becomes related to the thankfulness.  I am able to just get out of my head for awhile when I watch the sun set, no matter where I am.  I've seen them at Marist's campus.  I've watched it while riding the train.  Last week I braved the VERY COLD to head down to the Beacon train station because you can get close to the water and see the sun set.  The picture I shared above was when I would drive out to the border of New York and Pennsylvania - just about at the top of a mountain, where you overlook a valley and the sun sets behind another mountain.   I may have to go back there this weekend.

In this time when people are stressed, worried, and whatever other feelings they may be having, isn't it nice having something you can watch and just get away from everything else, even if it is just for a few minutes?  I think so at least.

Merging is a New Journey - A Reflection

So, last year by this time I was having basically brunch with those who remained at Wappingers.  Plus a past pastor who came back to be with us.  Yes, 1 year ago today was the last worship service at the United Methodist Church of Wappingers.

Little did we know, at that time, that our plans for merger would be postponed by 4 months due to the pandemic.  Not sure how it affected everyone.  Was it like putting off the inevitable?  Or helping us deal with the grief?  Or giving us more time to reflect?

What I do know, is that even though we are still living in the pandemic world, so much has happened in the past year.  At least for me.

My Thank You Slide on my Photo Journey

So, I did what I like to do, I made a video of photos.  Much like the one I created for our merger service, I used photos that I meant something to me in my journey at Wappingers and over the past year doing things related to PUMC.

I'm trying to get out of my head.  I still struggle with feelings of failure.

But I am glad to say that I am very happy with where I am now.  I love my church family.  I enjoy all the things I am doing and how I am involved.  So I am not sad about that.  I am so happy that I was able to reconnect with people and make new connections.

So while there may be sad attachments to today for me, please know that I am focused on the future.  I am blessed to be where I am.  And I can only hope for even more in the future!

P.S. - If you are not a Facebook friend and you read this and want to see a copy of my photo journey, let me know!  Or if you want to access a copy off of Facebook, let me know that too!

Thursday Thoughts - Depleted

A note, this was the devotional I shared with Church Council last night, so it is worded as such.  However, it is also something worth posting for others to see as a Thursday Thought.  Because I think it is still on my mind.

Sunset 2/27/2021 - Something that also replenishes me

“Do you not know?  Have you not heard?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”  - Isaiah 40:28-31 (NRSV)

I’m going to admit something to all of you, and I hope you don’t mind.  The past two months I have written the brief devotionals that I started the meeting with.  Not for any other reason than I felt like whatever I was sharing would be more connected with all of you as my church family than something I just pulled from a devotional book or found online that I thought was nice.  Last night, however, I was driving home after our Small Group Zoom gathering, and started to think to myself, “I haven’t even thought about what to write for tomorrow’s meeting!  I’ll just find something from home.”

And as I thought about what book to look through to find something for today’s meeting, a very exuberant organ version of “Joy to the World” came on my playlist (because I listen to all music in all seasons) and the following word came to my mind:

Depleted.

Joy to the World and Depleted are about as far apart as any two words can be.  But go with me for just a minute.  I am currently on consecutive work day 10 of 12, which may be why I had to email my thoughts on this before I lost them and could write them this morning.  Some of those days have been just regular days.  Others have been quite painful based on the work I did.  Some have been dehydrating because talking loudly in a space with the worst acoustics ever behind a plastic protective barrier while wearing a mask for 4 hours straight does that to you.  And those days left me depleted.

Not tired.  Not exhausted.  But depleted.  Lacking energy and inspiration to go on.  Why?  It could be because I was so busy.  Or because I was stressed.  Or because I keep having memories crop up of a year ago today (and yesterday, and 3 days ago and tomorrow and next week).

When you are depleted of something, you need replenishment.  If you are hungry, you need food.  If you are thirsty, you need something to drink.  When I am dehydrated, I drink things with electrolytes because I know my body needs those things.  My headaches caused by dehydration always go away when I drink coconut water.  We replenish our bodies of things they need.

But how do you replenish yourself when it is depleted from everything else going on around you?  For many of us it would likely include prayer and reading the Bible.  For me, I started to feel replenished when “Joy to the World” came on my playlist.  And, I am happy to say, gathering with any group of church people, is also the replenishment I need.  Even if it is a meeting – it replenishes my soul.

Our days may be long and times may be stressful and we may be tired, stressed, exhausted, and depleted.  But sometimes being together in some way, whether in person or via Zoom is the replenishment we need.

Merging is a New Journey - The Emotions are Coming Back

Yesterday many emotions hit me all at once.  During church while I was doing tech.  Which was great because then everyone saw me cry.

Eyes after tears overwhelmed them

Let me first say that I am very happy where I am.  I have reconnected with people and made new friends.  I feel "at home" in groups and meetings.  I once feared always being on the outside and looking in, but do not really feel that way at all.

So it shocked me when memories of 2020 and where I was then came flooding back to me.

I know I constantly talk about the music, but yesterday the music really made me happy.  A lot of stuff that made me want to jump around and dance.  (I restrained myself.)

The sermon really got to me.  Which is when my tears started.  I don't know why it hit me the way it did.  And then it got worse when I spent time in prayer.  Which was great because it is not the easiest thing in the world to deal with tears in a mask!

And then the anthem was so nice, and the last hymn, and the postlude.

And then I was crying again.

The emotions and memories are coming back.  I sometimes wish they wouldn't because I feel and I know I am in a better place now.  But they come back just the same.  

Other things are going on with me that I am thinking about, and that may be part of why I am so emotional.  Things I don't talk about, ever.

I know I need to stop looking back and dwelling on the past.  History is good and important.  But so is the present and the future.  And I need to look ahead to that.

Thursday Thoughts - Inspiration

Do you ever go back through old things to get inspiration for something new?

My Camera folder on my phone's SD card has over 9,000 images (and almost 400 videos).  So as I was seeking inspiration for this blog entry and a matching picture (because I get more views when I include a picture on the blog entry) I just kind of took my finger and sent my Camera folder flying by all the recent pictures into older pictures from like 5 years ago.

I found a TON of old church pictures that I wished I had thought to hunt down because they would have been great for the photo presentation.  (I've been considering updating it anyway so maybe I'll include some of the re-discovered photos.)  They brought back memories and potential inspiration for the continuing Merging is a New Journey series.

T-Shirt Design by Felicia Day

I also found that over the past several years, there are many things in common with my photos.  I like to take pictures of sunsets (and sunrises if I'm awake) and other pretty sky pictures.  And campus pictures!  I take a lot of "us-ies" with Anastasia.  As I said, I had a ton of church pictures.  I take lots of photos at things I attend, like concerts and NYCC.  I keep track of before/after photos of my hair when it would get cut.  I take photos of things that remind me of something else and inspirational phrases or sayings.  And more recently, I have been taking pictures of myself to share - which I never did before unless someone else was in the picture.

Any one of these photos could inspire a blog entry.  So it just makes me think of how blessed I am to have so much inspiration all around me that I can experience in the moment or reflect on later.

Merging is a New Journey - My (New) Ash Wednesday Tradition

Ash Wednesday marks the start of Lent.  I have had a variety of traditions, in a sense, on this day.  For awhile when I wasn't able to make church service, I would go to the chapel on campus at work and get my ashes and spend some time in prayer.  When I was able to get to church, well, I got my ashes there.  We had a few different services when we received ashes but that was always part of the tradition.  This year, we self-imposed due to COVID restrictions.  But even that is not what I am talking about.

My self-imposed ash cross 2/17/2021

Ash Wednesday 2020 was the first time I attended worship at PUMC as we got closer to our official merger.  We had been in the service a few years before on Ash Wednesday, but it was just because it was nearby and we didn't have a service at our church.  So, for me, this was my first real experience with my soon-to-be church family.

My sister and I sat near some of our church family from Wappingers and it was a very nice service.

When we received ashes, we could stay up at the prayer rail to receive prayer from Pastor Jody, which I did.  There was a lot going on for me.  This was all pre-COVID but I did need the prayers, badly.  After being at the rail, praying, and crying a lot I walked back to the pew where we were seated.  I didn't pay attention and when I walked into the pew, I SLAMMED my leg into the pew.  And when I say SLAMMED I mean SLAMMED with such force that I had a bruise on my right knee for a month.

Thus began the joke about the pews biting me.

So, I was usually quite careful until Epiphany when I got so excited about the music I slammed my leg again.

And then Ash Wednesday 2021 came.

No, we did not have in person service, but I assisted with the technology.

And slammed my left leg into the pew.

So, it is now my new Ash Wednesday Tradition, I guess.  Slamming my leg into a pew at church.

Funny, I guess?  Because at first I was like, "OW!" then "Oh no, again?" then laughing to myself.  Good thing I was wearing a mask because my facial expressions would have been hilarious to anyone else.