Merging is a New Journey - The Emotions are Coming Back

Yesterday many emotions hit me all at once.  During church while I was doing tech.  Which was great because then everyone saw me cry.

Eyes after tears overwhelmed them

Let me first say that I am very happy where I am.  I have reconnected with people and made new friends.  I feel "at home" in groups and meetings.  I once feared always being on the outside and looking in, but do not really feel that way at all.

So it shocked me when memories of 2020 and where I was then came flooding back to me.

I know I constantly talk about the music, but yesterday the music really made me happy.  A lot of stuff that made me want to jump around and dance.  (I restrained myself.)

The sermon really got to me.  Which is when my tears started.  I don't know why it hit me the way it did.  And then it got worse when I spent time in prayer.  Which was great because it is not the easiest thing in the world to deal with tears in a mask!

And then the anthem was so nice, and the last hymn, and the postlude.

And then I was crying again.

The emotions and memories are coming back.  I sometimes wish they wouldn't because I feel and I know I am in a better place now.  But they come back just the same.  

Other things are going on with me that I am thinking about, and that may be part of why I am so emotional.  Things I don't talk about, ever.

I know I need to stop looking back and dwelling on the past.  History is good and important.  But so is the present and the future.  And I need to look ahead to that.