Merging is a New Journey - The End is Near (really)

Me - Christmas Eve 2019

In mid-March life for those of us in New York changed quite a bit.  Our state went into what was called "PAUSE" which would begin on a Sunday evening, while simultaneously, churches were told to not meet in person days prior to the official start of PAUSE.

What did that mean for the UMC of Wappingers?  It meant we, too, had to PAUSE our plans for a closing service.

In a sense, we had put much of the anxiety of closing behind us.  We already had a nice last Sunday worship service (at the end of which I cried, even during singing my favorite hymn of all time).  We had a great meal together.  We were ready to become part of a new church family.

But then, we had to PAUSE.  And though there was nothing we could do about it, we still had a familiar space to say good bye to.  We had a way of doing things to say good bye to.  But, for me, though there was a lot of confusion, a feeling of being constantly in flux, and a loss of church identity...there was also this sense that I was still a member of Wappingers.  I knew stuff was working in the background.  But it kind of got pushed out of my mind for a time.

Until now, when we have a (tentative) closing service date yet again, in just about a week.  And all the feelings of anxiety, stress, and sadness return.

I know the building is just a building and the church is so much more than that.  People come and go, and church is so much more than that.  I don't want to hold onto the memories of times past to go back to those times.  But rather, because there was a lot to learn from those memories.  There were happy memories, sad ones, confusing ones, hurtful ones, growing ones, and learning ones.  In the quiet times my brain fills with things and my emotion runs over.

There are times I feel I failed as a leader.  But, knowing the times we are coming out of, I know that we are headed in the right direction and now it is time for me to lead in a different way.

The end is near.  But the beginning is just around the corner.