After we had our final worship service at Wappingers and then had to transition pretty immediately to online worship at PUMC due to the pandemic, there was this sense of relief that for however long it lasted, I wouldn't have to feel like I HAD to be at church. If I didn't feel well, I could stay home and sleep. Or rest. And if I was feeling up to it, I could watch church online. And by "didn't feel well" I meant having one of my migraines.
There were times I literally pushed myself too hard to be at church because I had to read, or preach, or run the sound system, or run the projector, or any combination of those things. Oh yeah, and someone had to make sure the offering got counted and deposited.
I told myself that I would never be in a position where it would matter whether or not I showed up to church or how I showed up to church.
 |
| After a long day fighting a headache (6/13/2021) |
Then yesterday came.
I woke up at 3am with a POUNDING KILLER HEADACHE. And when I say "pounding killer headache" it is the kind that I get maybe every few months. It is one that I literally can't lay down because it makes the pain so much worse. So I adjust myself to sleep sitting up, holding my head. For the next 3 1/2 hours I alternate between sitting up and holding my head, laying on one side, waking up, sitting up to sleep again, laying on the other side, sitting up to sleep again, laying on the first side I tried. During this time I wear an ice pack on my neck, which sort of helps. Then I wonder if I'm dehydrated so I grab a coconut water and every time I wake up to adjust myself, I take a few sips of that. When Sparkle finally wakes up and wants to go out, I can get out of bed and move slowly without too much pain.
It is one of those days where old me would have decided to stay home from church and watch online if I was feeling better.
But instead, current me moved slowly to let Sparkle out, drink some sips of iced tea, eat a couple small rolls, get dressed, sit with another ice pack for a bit, finish getting ready for church, then brought my sister to church where, on the way, the headache moved to include a massive neck ache or a really tight-feeling neck. Oh, and while I usually play something off of my iPod to do a bit of vocal warmups, there was no warming up for me. No iPod music at all.
But I needed to be there. Choir was singing for the first time and I was so happy to be part of it. And the postlude was a song I had been waiting for weeks to hear.
Probably not one of my finer moments.
Strange enough, though. Any time I was singing, I felt okay. I don't know if it was because I was concentrating on singing it took my focus away from the pain. Or maybe there is some healing quality in singing. Or something completely different. When I stopped singing, the head and neck pain returned.
By the time the worship service was over, my neck just ached instead of being in such pain. My head felt better - a bit of pain but not like it was before. So I was able to handle a few things after church with my favorite music people, talk with a few other people, and then go out to lunch with my bestie.
Later in the afternoon I worked some outside, which may not have been the best decision in the world. Not that the head pain came back as bad as it had been. But I was starting to feel that weird feeling after fighting a massive headache all day...which made me think slower, take longer to do things, and just feel exhausted.
When bedtime came, I was so glad to be able to get a good night's rest.
I got a little nervous when Sparkle let me sleep in until 7:45 and I got up with a slight migraine. However, getting through my morning routine with her, drinking some coffee, and having breakfast seems to have taken care of that.
I wish sometimes I didn't have to push through the pain. But I do anyway.
So for those reading this who may have encountered me yesterday, and I didn't seem quite right, that's why. And I hope it explains things.
No comments:
Post a Comment