Merging is a New Journey - Welcome!

Altar at PUMC on Sun. July 12, 2020

The hardest thing to do on Saturday, July 11th was that last drive away from the UMC of Wappingers.

The second hardest thing was the arrival at Poughkeepsie UMC.

Not that the drive was new, because I have been to Poughkeepsie UMC for various events and trainings.  I have driven by the building many (many) times on my way home from work when I take back roads to avoid Route 9.  But it was the first time driving there as an official member there, after so many years at Wappingers.

As the light left the former sanctuary in the hands of Pastor George Mangan, I started crying.  As I turned the lights out for the last time, I was crying.  As I drove away from Wappingers, I was crying.  I had finally sort of stopped, until that last 1/2 mile on Route 376 headed to Poughkeepsie UMC when I started crying again.

It was a mix of reasons.  Leaving the very familiar.  A feeling of failure.  A loss of purpose.

But it was not because I didn't feel welcome.

I did not have many opportunities to visit the church for a service prior to our merger.  In fact, I had not been able to go at all until Ash Wednesday.  But, there were opportunities to meet people from the congregation, and everyone from the moment they found out I was from Wappingers, were very welcoming and expressed excitement over the impending merger.

Ash Wednesday I was greeted at the end of the service by my former high school chorus director, Polly James.  Back in high school I said to myself, one time after hearing her play something, that when I got married, I was going to have her play the organ.  I didn't care where the church was or who the organist was at the time, she was going to play.  I have told very few people that.  I never got that opportunity, still being single.  I did, however, get the opportunity to hear her play the organ though this past Sunday when she played as a prelude an arrangement of a hymn, which made me so very happy.

Back to July 11th, as I was crying yet again upon my arrival at Poughkeepsie UMC.  As I pulled into the driveway, there was someone waiting to direct us to the parking lot - with a huge smile on their face waving a welcome.  I had to laugh because there I was, driving in my own sadness, met with joy from one of many people who were honestly very glad that we were now part of their church family.

I was welcomed at the door by people who didn't know me, yet, but welcomed me just the same.  And not just like "Oh you are new here so I have to be nice to you" but rather "We are so glad that you are here and part of our family!"

This welcoming continued on Sunday, July 12th when Poughkeepsie was able to have their first in-person Sunday worship service.  And it continued still this past Sunday when I returned after two weeks away, covering for my former Pastor (George) at his other appointed church as he prepared to move to Long Island for his next appointment.

When we had new people attend our church at Wappingers, I always tried to be friendly to them and make them feel welcome.  Not overburdening, so that they get frightened away.  But enough so they know they are cared for and are appreciated.  It is often a hard thing to walk into the doors of an unfamiliar church where so many people already know each other.  I have definitely been made to feel welcome at Poughkeepsie.  And I am looking forward to the time when I feel comfortable enough to return the favor and make others feel welcome when they first walk through the doors of the building.

Merging is a New Journey - A Hard Day

De-consecrated & Lights Out

Saturday, July 11th was officially the closing and de-consecration service for the United Methodist Church of Wappingers.  It was full of varying emotions.  Joy to be back in the building.  Glad to see church family members (both old and new) again.  Sadness as the sanctuary went from being a holy place to worship God to just another part of a huge building.  Wondering if I could have done more to prevent this from happening.  Fear as I drove to a new place.  A sense of welcoming when someone greeted us as we pulled into the driveway of the church, waving with a huge smile on their face.  Laughter when Pastor George finally wound up taking the wireless microphone with him (it only took a year and a half).  Learning how to be "just a member" once again with no responsibilities except to sit, listen, and learn.

I had nightmares for two days of everything that could have gone wrong on that day.  The computer wouldn't work (it hadn't been touched in 4 months).  The projector wouldn't work (again, 4 months since we used it).  The slide show of photos wouldn't be allowed to be shown.  My phone battery would die during the live stream.  None of that came to fruition.

When I took some of the photos during the course of two services, there was no emotion tied to them.  The picture at the top of this blog entry was not one of those photos.  It was taken after the church had been de-consecrated, everyone had left the sanctuary, everything was shut down, and I turned the lights out.  I have taken that particular view of the sanctuary many times.  But never with the candles and Bible removed.  And never with the lights out.  It was the last photo I took at the United Methodist Church of Wappingers.

Saturday was a very hard day.  Sunday was also a bit hard.

Sunday was the first time I attended in-church worship at Poughkeepsie, my new church home.  The in-church service was at 8:30am.  No, it wasn't the early time that made it hard.  I woke up at my usual "going in to work" time, which also became my "going to church and getting everything ready" time for the last two years.  We left the house at the same "going to church and getting everything ready" time.  But, it was attending a Sunday service, where I had no responsibility.  I didn't have to get a computer going and a presentation viewing.  I didn't have to run a sound system.  I didn't have to fill candles with oil.  And I didn't have to clean out a candle lighter, which became almost a weekly task.

But it was a bit hard in that I am still trying to learn to "rest."  And Sunday I just had to go to church to learn.  Sure, it was different because of the restrictions to keep people safe as we struggle through COVID-19.  But, I am still finding it difficult to rest.  To feel like it is okay to rest.  I am sure I will get it.  Eventually.  (Though first I have to cover a couple Sundays for Beacon before I fully begin my life as a PUMC member.)

I know there is more to come.  I know there are great things God has planned for me.  And, in order to get there, you have to go through the hard things first.  And, so I shall.  And know that God is in charge.

Merging is a New Journey - Repurposed

Getting Repurposed

We are still winding down, we think.  There are always last-minute things to take care of.  To finalize.  To be sure everything is okay for what we have planned.

But on my mind lately is how things are being repurposed.

This picture is a dress I had bought with the full intention of wearing it on Easter Sunday, because by then we would be attending a new church and it probably would be nice to dress up for Easter.  But COVID-19 happened and the dress sat in a bag, unworn.  It is now being repurposed as my Closing Service dress.

I, too, am being repurposed.  For so long, my church identity lay in the various roles I held within the church.  A lot of the roles came as a result of my position as Lay Leader.  But others I had for other reasons.  Like Financial Secretary, Liturgist, Runner of Technology, Cleaner of the Candle Lighter, and Lay Servant with Preaching.  Okay...that last one isn't going away.  But most of those other reasons.  I was appointed into them.  I inherited them.  I took them on because they needed to be done.

But now I am being repurposed.  What will my repurposed role be?  I am honestly not sure.  For a time, all I wanted to do was really rest and learn from Sunday services online.  But then soon, part of my working nature kept saying to me, "You know, you could do something.  You could easily make a video of yourself reading Scripture.  You could offer to sing something.  You could offer to help where it was needed." And then, the need to step back and rest would fill my head...because I was a little afraid of being repurposed.

What's that saying?  One person's trash is another person's treasure?  Not that I am trash.  But, at least how I am considering it now, it is a statement about stuff sold at a Garage Sale, Yard Sale, or "Trash and Treasure" Sale winds up being repurposed and becoming something else.  I need to allow myself to be repurposed, just like my Easter/Closing Service dress.

And so, on this last post before our Closing Service (we think), I am willing to allow myself to be repurposed for God's will in my new life as a member of Poughkeepsie UMC.

Merging is a New Journey - The End is Near (really)

Me - Christmas Eve 2019

In mid-March life for those of us in New York changed quite a bit.  Our state went into what was called "PAUSE" which would begin on a Sunday evening, while simultaneously, churches were told to not meet in person days prior to the official start of PAUSE.

What did that mean for the UMC of Wappingers?  It meant we, too, had to PAUSE our plans for a closing service.

In a sense, we had put much of the anxiety of closing behind us.  We already had a nice last Sunday worship service (at the end of which I cried, even during singing my favorite hymn of all time).  We had a great meal together.  We were ready to become part of a new church family.

But then, we had to PAUSE.  And though there was nothing we could do about it, we still had a familiar space to say good bye to.  We had a way of doing things to say good bye to.  But, for me, though there was a lot of confusion, a feeling of being constantly in flux, and a loss of church identity...there was also this sense that I was still a member of Wappingers.  I knew stuff was working in the background.  But it kind of got pushed out of my mind for a time.

Until now, when we have a (tentative) closing service date yet again, in just about a week.  And all the feelings of anxiety, stress, and sadness return.

I know the building is just a building and the church is so much more than that.  People come and go, and church is so much more than that.  I don't want to hold onto the memories of times past to go back to those times.  But rather, because there was a lot to learn from those memories.  There were happy memories, sad ones, confusing ones, hurtful ones, growing ones, and learning ones.  In the quiet times my brain fills with things and my emotion runs over.

There are times I feel I failed as a leader.  But, knowing the times we are coming out of, I know that we are headed in the right direction and now it is time for me to lead in a different way.

The end is near.  But the beginning is just around the corner.

Merging is a New Journey - I took a Break!

Looking down to the Hudson River from the Locust Grove Estate (6/2020)

As an active church-goer, and now a church-viewer, I would only take three Sundays off a year.  One, when my sister, brother-in-law, and niece would attend the annual March for Babies...two, Opening Weekend at work...and three, New York Comic Con.  Because I wore so many hats, I tried not to miss any other Sundays, even if I wasn't feeling well, had been out late the night before, or for any other reason. 

Since this weekend was so nice - sunny and cooler than it has been - I took Sunday off and went to Locust Grove to walk the trails, something I have been wanting to do since I went on the house tour a couple Christmas Breaks ago.

I know, shame on me.  I not only had a service prepared by Annual Conference leadership I could have watched but I also had a Lay Leader I could have supported and watched.

But, I felt like I needed the break.  I needed some time to myself to be with nature.  And essentially cross something off my unwritten bucket list.

So, how is this related to merging?

Well, I think I am starting to learn to rest and not feel like I have to volunteer to help with everything.  I am starting to learn when I need a break for myself, and that I need to take that break.  I am learning that, yes, church is extremely important and I can't be taking this break every week - but sometimes it is nice to experience God in a different way.

Sunday I experienced God in nature.  Through the sounds of silence, birds, wind in the leaves, water running by in little streams or down small rock embankments, in the train that went by, and yes even in the kids who were running down the trails very far ahead of their parents.

I do plan on going back and watching the recording of both services I had access to.  But I think in this strange time, where I have spent most of my days in my room behind a closed door working the best that I can, God was calling me to spend time with Him outside where I could pray and contemplate and see where He has me going to next.

Merging is a New Journey - It is Official

Pastor Sandy receiving a quilt from Bible Study members - Photo Credit: Bob Boisvert

It is funny how a single image can bring forth such memories.  I talked about this a bit in my last blog in the Merging is a New Journey series I have been writing.  The image above was taken after members of the Bible Study group at the time presented our Pastor, Pastor Sandy Mantz, with a quilt they had made for her.

For me, I was working with the youth group along with Pastor Sandy.  We had a meal prior to this, and were planning to drive to an event afterwards.  So it brings back all my great memories working with numerous youth over the years either in youth group or confirmation class.  Some I have kept up with, thanks to Facebook.  Others, not so much.  Though they all remain in my memories and I hope, where ever they are, they are doing well and staying safe in this time.

We received word early this morning that our merger is official.  The journey we have been on is almost over.  There are still some things that remain and due to the world we are in, a lot of logistics that still need to be addressed.

We try not to think too much of the past and the way things "used to be" because they will never be that way again.  But remembering fondly the memories is not necessarily a bad thing.

I have great memories of singing in the Junior Choir, and some of those songs are still in my head today (Today is Monday, so I can't do anything 'til Tuesday, so I guess I'll start on Wednesday, but Wednesday's my day off....there's always Thursday, but I'd rather wait 'til Friday, and I sleep late on Saturday...)

Peeling potatoes, washing dishes, drying dishes, running food from the stove to the kitchen window, and tasting the dressing for the cole slaw before it was added to the food.

Rolling under pews.  Playing sardines around the church.  Learning how to navigate the sanctuary in the dark.  Singing.  Reading.  Preaching.  Praying.  Lighting candles.  Greeting.  Hugging.  Waving.  Smiling.  Crying.  Learning.  Growing.

All the while, praising God and honoring God and showing love for God.

When all this is finally finished, maybe my new series will look at the memories I had.

But for now, I look forward to the future.  And I remember the new memories.

A pancake dinner before everything went crazy.

Ash Wednesday service where I poured my heart out to God in prayer, cried, bruised my leg on a pew, and reconnected with Polly James.

Watching service on You Tube and eventually Zoom.

Online Communion.

Dropping off a photo of myself on a plate so Pastor Jody wasn't alone.

Singing loudly in my room during worship and not caring if I sang the wrong notes.

Praising God in a new way.

A New Thought - I am an MBA Grad #mba #classof2020

Entering the Marist Campus (2020)

Last weekend I was supposed to walk across the stage (again) as I completed my Master's Degree in Business Administration (MBA).  But, with everything going on, the Commencement ceremony was postponed.  Normally I work on Commencement day, even when I was graduating, because there was always a rehearsal I had to attend since I also work Commencement ceremonies.  But this year, I took the day off.  My friends and family worked to make the day a good one anyway.  My bosses sent me flowers.  My sister and brother-in-law let me pick dinner and they paid for it.  My sister had a sign made that we put on the front lawn.  And my sister also arranged a "card shower" with family, friends, and friends who are like family sending stuff to her that she put in a nice box that looked like a graduation cap.  Though I couldn't walk across the stage and receive that nice folder that the diploma would sit in, it was a great day.

But I also wanted to take some time to reflect on the past couple years.  I made the decision to return to school for a 3rd Master's Degree because it seemed like it would be a great boost to my resume and help me progress in my job prospects.  While I would never say that learning is easy, even after you do something multiple times, I had thought that I would be able to fare better since I had been through online Master's courses before.  It was one of the hardest things I have done.

I had a concentration in Ethical Leadership, but before I got to be able to take those classes, I had to go through all the other required classes.  Classes like the 21st Century Manager and Analytics Bootcamp were interesting and though required, I enjoyed them.  Classes like Economics, Finance, and Accounting were required and really challenged my brain.  Operations Management overall was interesting, but I struggled with the work because I had a hard time correlating the concepts to how we were finding those numbers using Excel.

I had to learn how to juggle two classes sometimes, which I hadn't had to do before.  My previous two programs you took 2 classes a semester (fall and spring), but one was the first 8 weeks and the other was the 2nd 8 weeks.  This program, except for my last semester, included both an 8 week course (usually at the end of the semester) and a 15 week course.  Time management skills were put to the test and for someone who worked in technology, I still found using a physical planner helped keep my academic life straight (though it didn't always help my non-academic life).

I learned so much from my fellow classmates, many of whom had more experience in things than I did.  I can only hope that they were able to learn a bit from me.  I worked with some great groups, whether we got to pick our groups or were assigned groups.  In my entire graduate career, I have been blessed with the groups I have been a part of.  And for the first time, I even got to share a class with some students that worked with me as one of my electives was an elective in the programs they were taking.

Though I have taken all my courses for Master's degrees online, there has always been an on-site part for me.  Whether it was being able to stay late at work to complete a quiz or assignment, sit in a lounge to read my text, or even print out an article that I could read offline later.  When COVID-19 hit and we had to vacate campus, those things I took for granted were no longer available to me.  I could still work late on assignments, but I was restricted to my laptop screen in my room with a window and dog distraction.  I could print from home, but I didn't like to because at the same time my niece was in school and needed to have things printed for her work - which is more important than my need for a physical piece of paper to read something.  And I had to find time to do my reading, mostly on weekends because that was the only quiet time I had.

Even though I didn't get to walk across a stage in a cap and gown in front of my classmates and other Class of 2020 students receiving their degrees, it does not take away the work I completed, the lessons I learned, and the friends I made along the way.  My transcript said I completed the program 100%.  It was a tough journey for me, but one I feel was worth it.