Thursday Thoughts - Things I Still Hear

Earlier this week in my "Merging is an Ongoing Journey" series I wrote about thoughts and memories that still hit me hard when it comes to my life at Wappingers.

That also got me thinking of things that still hit me in my personal life.  And what came to my mind was stuff so much that happened to me in general but the things I still hear that get to me.  And sometimes when some of that comes back to me, I have to get out and find something that helps me appreciate the present moment.  Like the below picture.

Taken 10/28/2021 at Marist

I still hear how Anastasia would cry at me when I told her she shouldn't do something she was doing (and when I'd tell her parents, they would agree with me!).

I still hear how someone who I thought was a friend blew up at me when I got mad at him for the attitude he gave me after doing something I thought was helpful.

I hear the sound of people's voices that were close to me who are no longer with us...my Uncle Lee's ever present question, "What are you doing at church?" (wouldn't he be so proud of me now??).  My friend Margaret's laugh. Fluffy, and JL, and Harmi's barks.  My grandparent's conversations with me.  

I hear my own voice yelling for Sparkle when she escaped her harness.

I hear my ex-fiance's way of saying I was wrong about something and then spouting off a whole history of stuff that would make me feel stupid and worthless (by the way, not in the way Sheldon would on "Big Bang Theory").

This last one I hear a lot.  Maybe it has something to do with the fact that was my actual last relationship.  And while I know I really am not stupid or worthless, some things just bring me back to his voice, how I felt, and make me think that's how I should expect to be treated?

It is interesting how some things really stick with me - not just visual memories or feeling memories but hearing memories.  And it's interesting how some great ones stay in addition to the not-so-great ones stay.  

But I know I just need to take it one day at a time, and maybe someday those bad hearing memories will fade away and I'll only still hear the ones that make me smile.